Young Bernie is leaving this place
He's packed all his gear in his case
Though we're sure he'll be missed
By all the girls that he's kissed
Cos he's off with a smile on his face.

Soapy's a canny wee Scot
Who talked a lot of old rot
When he met up with Polly
They both got quite jolly
And ended up drinking a lot!


kporte has been suffering some ills
And now lives solely on pills
It keeps things quite cheap
And makes him easy to keep
Cos he now saves a fortune on bills!

C'mon you lot, someone else's turn now.........

There was a young witch called Pollyanna
Who cut off her hair in a drunken manner
She cackled in a glee,
Then started typing on BE
"I ‘m as bald as an old lady called Nanna"

Yer not far wrong

There once was a witch in a mountain bar
but her broomstick was broke and couldnae go very far
so she pulled up a stool
got out her magic tool
and made concoctions of the mighty fuel

You can't talk........

Polly sat in her office last night
At 4am she got a terrible fright
When the bloke on the phone
Said one word - cyclone.....
That got her off BE all right!

There is a mad mod we call Polly,
Who is, let's be frank, off her trolley,
She loves making a mess,
In a state of undress,
And dressing wee Bern like a Dolly!

Scottishcelts is like most other weegies,
She loves to chill out to the Beegees,
Whilst wearing no clothes,
In an unnatural pose,
And having a punt on the Geegees!

There once was a tight Scot called Soapy,
When dodging a round he's not dopey,
He's last at the bar,
Avoids buying a jar,
And after free drink he gets gropey!

There once was a fair maiden called Ems,
Who was partial to big chunky gems,
If you gave her some rubies,
She'd show you her boobies,
And diamonds get you under her hems!

Cut back on the pills pal

Not when I'm knocking out gold like this!

Keep it up mate, its brilliant