Does it ever stop aching?

Old Jan 15th 2005, 6:48 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I have not read all replies to your post, but I just wanted to let you know how I can so totally relate to everything you wrote. I am not from the UK, but from Germany. Everything you miss I miss. We have been here for close to 3 years. I am here because of my husband who is Australian and did not want to live in Germany. So for me there is no going back unless we get divorced.

During the 3 years I have tried to feel at home. But had no luck. I can't say that I miss Germany so terribly much, but I miss Europe, I miss the Northern Hemisphere, the seasons, the many things to do. I miss the job opportunities in Europe, the friends I have there.

I have had this ache in my stomache for years now, I have become bitter, because there seems no way out, I have looked at every city in Australia and New Zealand for that matter and there was not one place where I thought I would feel better than here. I would fool myself thinking that moving somewhere within Australia would solve our problems. For me the ache didnot go away. I can't say I am regretful to be here, because I have my partner here, but I hate the ache inside me. I have been back to Germany but after 3 years, it is not home anymore either.

My advice to you is: it has been a great adventure, you did it and it was good you did, because now you appreciate the UK and your true home so much more. Move back. Don't waste more time here, life is short and the longer you stay in Australia the more you trouble you will have to settle back in in the UK.

Consider yourself lucky that you can still go back. My husband and I will keep trying to find a solution for us which will probably lie somewhere between Germany and Australia. We are looking at Canada. Where we can have real seasons, a real christmas, are only 9 hours flight time away from Germany.

I can so realte to your feelings. I have lived in the US and Canada temporarily before meeting my husband and never have I felt as lonely, as bored and as homesick as I do in Australia. Australia has no depths. It is great for a holiday, great for temp. living even but certainly not great for a perm. life.

Good luck to you.
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Old Jan 15th 2005, 4:11 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by darwinite
I have not read all replies to your post, but I just wanted to let you know how I can so totally relate to everything you wrote. I am not from the UK, but from Germany. Everything you miss I miss. We have been here for close to 3 years. I am here because of my husband who is Australian and did not want to live in Germany. So for me there is no going back unless we get divorced.

During the 3 years I have tried to feel at home. But had no luck. I can't say that I miss Germany so terribly much, but I miss Europe, I miss the Northern Hemisphere, the seasons, the many things to do. I miss the job opportunities in Europe, the friends I have there.

I have had this ache in my stomache for years now, I have become bitter, because there seems no way out, I have looked at every city in Australia and New Zealand for that matter and there was not one place where I thought I would feel better than here. I would fool myself thinking that moving somewhere within Australia would solve our problems. For me the ache didnot go away. I can't say I am regretful to be here, because I have my partner here, but I hate the ache inside me. I have been back to Germany but after 3 years, it is not home anymore either.

My advice to you is: it has been a great adventure, you did it and it was good you did, because now you appreciate the UK and your true home so much more. Move back. Don't waste more time here, life is short and the longer you stay in Australia the more you trouble you will have to settle back in in the UK.

Consider yourself lucky that you can still go back. My husband and I will keep trying to find a solution for us which will probably lie somewhere between Germany and Australia. We are looking at Canada. Where we can have real seasons, a real christmas, are only 9 hours flight time away from Germany.

I can so realte to your feelings. I have lived in the US and Canada temporarily before meeting my husband and never have I felt as lonely, as bored and as homesick as I do in Australia. Australia has no depths. It is great for a holiday, great for temp. living even but certainly not great for a perm. life.

Good luck to you.

As someone who has been in and out of UK now since the 80's (going back again soon) I read all these 'I don't know where to live threads' and will offer the same gem as someone once gave me.

I have read that UK is full of gypsies and Chavs, NZ it rains too much and Oz is dull and dry etc.

The truth is that 'wherever you go YOU go with YOU'.

Problems with settling, missing things from home etc etc are more than likely issues with yourself. If you are not happy in UK...guess what, you won't be in NZ, Oz, Canada etc
Be happy with yourself and you will be OK anywhere in the world.

Sorry if this sounds abit personal but a bit of work on personal issues can do wonders especially when making a step a big as emigrating.

Like Whitney Houston once said' learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of all'.

K.S.
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Old Jan 15th 2005, 9:18 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I agree partly with you. You have to go with YOU. But that is a problem when you JUST go because of your partner. I made the mistake that I just went for my partner. I did not wholeheartedly want to go. And then it can't work no matter how hard you try. I had found the perfect spot for myself before I met my partner and I was 100% percent happier there than in Germany OR Australia. Still, for a lot of people it is true what you said. They are trying to escape sth. in their home country and are disappointed when they don't find it in their "new" country.
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Old Jan 15th 2005, 9:30 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Like Whitney Houston once said' learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of all'.

K.S.[/QUOTE]

Ah, but Whitney Houston is a bit of a twat who is not very good at taking that very advice!
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Old Jan 16th 2005, 12:40 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

[QUOTE=TraceyW]All of a sudden I want cold, frosty weather...oh to wake up after a harsh frost, to throw back the curtains of my bloody UPSTAIRS bedroom and see the white glistening in the sunshine.

I was sad to read you aren't settling very well.

I opened the curtains this morning only to find thick fog yet again- can't see the bottom of the garden. We haven't seen the sky, let alone sunshine for days. Last week our neighbour's roof tiles blew off in high winds and our fence blew right over. Gives you some idea what it was like trying to walk about in the wind - very scary. It takes 15 mins every morning to de-ice the car. Freezing hands and runny noses. Outside is like a skating rink -treacherous to walk anywhere. Get up in the morning and its dark, wet and gloomy and it stays wet and gloomy all day before getting dark at 4 in the afternoon. Not a bit like a scene from a glittery Christmas card!

Hope your homesickness subsides and you feel better - I felt homesick for 2 years then never looked back. I can't wait to get back to Australia as I've been biding time in the UK for so long. But, if you do return to the UK then a least you gave Australia a go and have experienced new things. Hope everything works out for you.
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Old Jan 16th 2005, 3:18 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by bored-silly
Like Whitney Houston once said' learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of all'.

K.S.
Ah, but Whitney Houston is a bit of a twat who is not very good at taking that very advice!

But that is a problem when you JUST go because of your partner. I made the mistake that I just went for my partner.


Not wishing to start a thread on the history of Whitney Houston but don't the 2 quotes from the last 2 entries apply equally to her life as to many who move 'for their partners sake' ?

Whitney was fine before she married now she lives the twattish life of her husband.

Now if we only followed our hearts instead of our partners when their wishes conflict so badly with our own!!!


K.S.
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Old Jan 16th 2005, 9:31 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Well, we've been here in Perth for five months now, and my husband has settled in wonderfully. He had no problems finding a job in the same field as he was in in the UK, the pay is not as good but it's what we expected. Our children seem to be fine, they're only 5 & 3, so it's all a bit of an adventure for them really. Apart from the occasional "I miss Granny & Grandad" they don't really seem to talk about the UK at all. They have lot's of new mates too.

We are renting a lovely home in the Northern suburbs,we have two very nice cars, we have bought a block of land and chosen the house to be built on it.
I've made lot's of new aquaintances ( I say that as it takes a long time to class someone as a friend) and get out more than I ever did at home. We spend weekends as a family and go out to the park or the beach lot's, although I'm sure this will become monotonous over time. The weather is so much better and the skies are brilliant blue, as is the ocean. Our finances, once the house is built, will be so much better than they were in the UK, we will actually have spare money left over at the end of the month...amazing! All of the things we emigrated for, we have either achieved or will achieve.

So, with all of the above taken into consideration, why the hell do all I think about and long for, is home? Everyday I wake up with an ache in my stomach, a longing to be back in my old house, surrounded by my family, my friends and all of the things that meant so much to me. Why do I fantasize about the lovely countryside that was just down the road from us, those wonderful green fields, the hills, the hay-bails, the hedgerows full of wildlife, the kind that isn't out to kill you! I miss the architecture, the culture and history? I've suddenly realised, that my home town where I grew up and spent most of my years, has more history in it's High Street! (Aboriginal history excluded) I just took it for granted. I feel sick to my stomach by the thought that I will spend this christmas away from people who actually give a damn about me and my family.

All of a sudden I want cold, frosty weather...oh to wake up after a harsh frost, to throw back the curtains of my bloody UPSTAIRS bedroom and see the white glistening in the sunshine. To get all excited about christmas shopping in the cold, dark afternoons, to get home and put the tree lights on and snuggle up in front of the fire to watch to decent programmes instead of CSI Miami or Law & Order! I have come to the conclusion, that much more of these programes and I will actually be able to commit the perfect crime...I'd never get caught, I'm nearly an expert now!

I never thought I would actually say this...but I miss planning and having my fortnights holiday in Greece or Spain! Oh god, that's one heck of an admission I know, but it's so true! I miss being able to sit in a taverna, in a cobbled street surrounded by old white washed houses and drink cold beer out of a jug! We did say, when we were in the UK, that we would come back to the UK for holidays and pop into Spain/Greece or wherever took our fancy! What the hell were we thinking! There is no way we could ever afford to do that! We can't even afford to just pop over to the east coast! It's not until you get here and realise just how expensive it really is, do the maths and come to the conclusion that we're stuck here....in suburban hell. We spent nearly 2 years researching this, we thought we knew most things, we thought we were well prepared for any eventuality....what b*****ks! No amount of research can prepare you emotionally for the pain a move like this will cause.

On one hand, I could kick myself really hard, for doing this emigrating lark! If only I'd kept my big mouth shut when my hubby suggested it, if only I'd looked around me and took stock, appreciated it all a little more, instead of craving the adventure, of wanting to make a difference to my life. Then, on the other hand, if we do go back to the UK, I will not regret taking the chance of coming over here and giving it a go. It will make me look through different eyes at what the UK has to offer.

The hardest thing will be, for me, 'making' my husband go home. He is so happy here, but he would never make me stay if I wasn't happy, he would be willing to go back, just to make me happy. I will just feel so awful by making him give up his dream. I know this is still early days for me, it's only been 5 months, but these feelings haven't changed, I've felt like this since we got here. I wish I could be one of those people that land, get off the plane and feel that they've found their little piece of heaven! It's just not clicked for me at all. I find Australia beautiful, but bland and characterless. It has no depth, no soul. If it's beaches and barbis that float your boat, then this is the right place for you, but after five months of it, it get's a little dull!

We will have to wait until the house is built, then make the decision. I think I will go home for a holiday first, just to see how I really feel about the place, it may put things into perspective a little either way.

I just wondered, is there anyone out there, who feel or ever felt like this? Is this just early days homesickness? will it fade and get better? Did it ever start to click for you, it just took a lot longer for some than for others?

I feel so damn lost.

You poor love, put it this way i came here (Aus) when i was 14 (not much choice as no dad and couldnt stay in UK by myself... but still i dont blame mum. (She feels the same as me) her comment she made the other day... was "we shouldn't have come here, should we?"

Anyway back to the point, i came here when i was 14 and am now almost 27 i have never felt like i "fitted" so to speak and in the last 2 years or so i have been ummimg and ahhhing about whether to go back home or not, just the big move scares me. But last year i decided thats it, stuff it im going back..

Why? Because i have been homesick on and off for 13 years, more so in the last 3 and i figure if im going to keep thinking about moving back to the UK then obviously thats what im meant to do, mum feels the same.

We totally opposite the "asutralian way of life" we live in Melbourne and everyone is so self obssessed and all they care about is $$$$ etc , there is heaps more to it than that.

Anyway you have only been here 5 months, so i guess give it a bit longer but if its a constant thought on your mind then maybe you should go back, i think we should have gone back sooner, but if we didn't come here then i guess we wouldn't know what it was, and now we do and dont like it, then home it is. If we havent liked it in 13 years then i doubt we ever will.

And i agree with the travel - Aus is to far away from the rest of the world.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!
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Old Feb 20th 2005, 11:54 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Only me again!

Seen as I am considering the possibility of going home to the UK, I have to prepare for all eventualities, including getting my cat home. He's a very well travelled moggy now, he'll have his own "high flyer" card!

How do I go about getting him back home? I know I have to have rabies jabs for him, what's the process? Will he have to go into quarantine in the UK and for how long? I would be most grateful if someone could explain.

Hi Tracey

I know exactly how you feel. I felt I didn't belong in Australia the moment I stepped foot in it. I have however tried to make a go of it..
We have been here for 16 months now and we have bought the "dream house" live a short distance from the beach etc etc.
Frankly my feelings haven't changed. I miss Europe, Culture, Friends and Family.
Missing the countryside, beer, walks in the country and wildlife.

My husband loves the lifestyle and really doesn't want to go back to the UK but I am desperate to do the citizenship and get outta here.
I have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way and missing the support of family.
I too have spent endless hotdays at go-bananas!
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 1:54 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I have felt homesick since I came here Jan 2004. On paper I should love it:- nice house a walk away from beach on a lovely island near Brisbane, nice cars, kids in private school, easyish job - but no I am desparate to go home too. The saving grace for me is that we all feel the same! So we are waiting until we can opt for citizenship (we aren't going to sell up here just incase!) and then go back. I can't wait - I have enjoyed it here but can't stay 'forever'.

I think that on arriving it is best not to say - we're here forever as it just makes you feel worse. We always said that we were here for 2 years and that if we felt different after that then all well and good - we'd stay. The thing is 14 months in we all still want to go back to the UK for really all the same reasons as all the other posts in this thread. At the end of the day Australia is a fantastic place and coming over here is a great life experience. To come over and then go back is not to fail - how many people would love an opportunity to do this but never do? Better to have tried and decided that it isn't for you at the moment than never tried at all.
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 2:45 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

We have been here for only 4 weeks and I am so homesick it is unbelievable, I too have the constant sick feeling in my stomach, that I am seriously considering returning at easter.
I wouldn't say I am missing family and friends as such, as i have always put my time into my children and did not have a social side as such.
I am also one of the 'half cup full' people and usually am very optimistic and make the best of a situation, so these feelings have really hit me.....I have never felt like this before, ever.
To return so soon could be seen as stupid, but my children would be able to fall straight back into their routine, where if we wait the 2 years then I can imagine them not wanting to return as they will have their new friends and social circle here.
The only time the feeling subsides is when I think of returning...........but then I think should I give it some time. Usually I am not an indecisive person either.............
I wish there was someone to tell me what I should be doing.........but I know it is down to me.
Sorry for the rambling................
Amanda
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 3:00 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by mand8002
We have been here for only 4 weeks and I am so homesick it is unbelievable, I too have the constant sick feeling in my stomach, that I am seriously considering returning at easter.
Hi Amanda
When I first arrived here I felt like you, I spent part of most days in tears, I was v depressed, felt extremely panicky, thinking omg what have we done coming here etc, but those feelings will leave you as you settle into life, like other posters on here you probably will always want to go home but at least you can feel you have given it your best shot. I could have packed up and gone home in the first few weeks easily, but even though I have never settled here, I'm very glad I stayed longer. I don't know how old your kids are but if they are younger, chances are they won't 'bond' with the place like you fear, however, I know some people have had trouble with teenage kids wanting to stay.
Just some comments for you. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. Lizzi.
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 4:36 am
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Unhappy Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Bellefield
Exactly! I feel more positive about my ticket to Manchester than I ever did about my ticket to Perth. Would love to come back for a holiday, but to live here.....no thanks.
A German friend of mine, who is going back to Ireland in January said, "You can have anything you want here in Perth, nice house, lovely beaches, nice places to eat, but you can't have a life. There is no atmosphere, you might as well live on the moon."
Totally agree with the comment about Perth. I have been on OZ since mid-90's and most of those in Perth. I have found people to be indifferent and superficial, only wanting to know you as long as it serves their purposes. Even other parts of OZ I found similar, though did find a bit more of a friendly enviroment in QSLD (shame about the humidity:29c in spring at 6am isn't my idea of fun).

As soon as I finish my degree here I am off to UK. I am a kiwi but have UK citzenship. The friendliest people I have met in OZ have been migrants and tourists, mainly from UK.

My question if I can ask it is this: Do I bother to do an extra year of study to complete a social work degree or do I leave 12 months earlier with a bach of social sciences (community studies major)? I am mid-40s, divorced, and am wondering what my job prospects would be like and what would be a good area to settle in. Have been to London years ago, and while it was a buzz, don't want to live in a closet for 150+ pounds a week, living on jacob crackers n jaffa cakes LOL

Any ideas most welcome.

Cheers,

Chris
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 6:41 am
  #88  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by kiwichild
As soon as I finish my degree here I am off to UK. I am a kiwi but have UK citzenship. The friendliest people I have met in OZ have been migrants and tourists, mainly from UK.
If you are eligible for Australian citizenship you should make a point of obtaining this before you leave, as it's something you might regret later otherwise.

Especially if further immigration controls are put on NZ citizens in Australia.

Jeremy
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 6:48 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
If you are eligible for Australian citizenship you should make a point of obtaining this before you leave, as it's something you might regret later otherwise.

Especially if further immigration controls are put on NZ citizens in Australia.

Jeremy

Thanks Jeremy. Yes I actually hold citizenship of UK, NZ, and OZ
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Old Feb 21st 2005, 9:00 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by mand8002
We have been here for only 4 weeks and I am so homesick it is unbelievable, I too have the constant sick feeling in my stomach, that I am seriously considering returning at easter.
I wouldn't say I am missing family and friends as such, as i have always put my time into my children and did not have a social side as such.
I am also one of the 'half cup full' people and usually am very optimistic and make the best of a situation, so these feelings have really hit me.....I have never felt like this before, ever.
To return so soon could be seen as stupid, but my children would be able to fall straight back into their routine, where if we wait the 2 years then I can imagine them not wanting to return as they will have their new friends and social circle here.
The only time the feeling subsides is when I think of returning...........but then I think should I give it some time. Usually I am not an indecisive person either.............
I wish there was someone to tell me what I should be doing.........but I know it is down to me.
Sorry for the rambling................
Amanda

Hi Amanda.

Homesickness lasts for months and you are still adjusting. I can see what you mean when you say when you think of 'home' the feeling subsides a bit.

Which is why if I were you, I would try and stop thinking of your old 'home' as home.

Only when you look at your new place as your home, things will ever so slowly get easier.

You say that in two years you feel that your children will be settled and wont want to return, why not give yourself that chance to feel that way also?

Who knows, you might not want to come back either.

Dont be too hard on yourself, take each day as it comes.

When my sister moved abroad, she was terribly homesick. 15 years later, she wouldnt come back.

Try and find a 'project' you can get your teeth into. Something that you can achieve in your new life which will form a major part of it.

Good luck Amanda - with everything.

You never know what's around the corner, so take up any opportunities that may come your way, who knows where they will lead.

Sam.
 

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