Does it ever stop aching?

Old Nov 26th 2004, 1:52 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

It's all very simple. Stay and get your Citizenship/ Indefinate return visa (or whatever they have over there) and re-asses the situation.

You are well out of your comfort zone and unless you were extemely disconnected from the UK or very un-emotional, your feeling are perfectly normal.

Embrase the culture while you are there and enjoy it. When in Rome...

At the end-of-the-day, you can always go back to blighty, but put that out of your mind for now and refer to paragraph one above.

Have fun...
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:57 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful replies I've had both on here and private messages. I didn't realise that there were so many unhappy folk out here!

Jeremy, in answer to your statement about being 100% committed to the emigration process, I can assure you we were 110% up for this move. We really wanted this, we worked so hard for it, this was our dream. But this dream is having a bit of an Elm Street effect on me I'm afraid! It is completely impossible to prepare yourself emotionally for the trauma that emigration causes both to yourself and to those people around you that you care about. I will never, ever be able to come terms with the fact that I am 12,000 miles away from my family, that I cannot simply just hop on a plane and pop home, it's just not feasible. For example, a few weeks ago a very special family member died and I have never felt so useless or inadequate in my whole life when all I wanted to do was to put my arms around my mother-in-law and comfort her, but I couldn't could I? I was here, she was there. Simple.

I also feel I have finally realised that grandparents are an incredibly important part of any childs life. I never had any, they'd long gone by the time I was born, so I'd never been privvy to that special relationship that goes on between Granny and grandchild. Then I had my children, they soon became the focus of both our parents lives, they were totally adored and doted upon. And what did we do? We took them away, to live at the other side of the world, convinced that we were doing the best thing for all of us and that a telephone would take the place of cuddles and chatter face to face. We were so wrong.

I am incredibly disappointed that this is not working out the way we'd planned. I feel more than disappointment for the sake of my husband, he is happy here and he desperately wants to stay forever. The last person on this earth I would want to hurt is him. I knew I would get homesick, but this is more than that. This is a feeling of not belonging, that none of this is right. Do you understand? I know some will say that 5 months is no time at all to make a judgement and I quite agree. Therefore we will stay and complete the house build, that will take another year, I will do my upmost to put on a brave face, to not whinge and to try to make the experience of being here a happy one, for the sake of my husband and the kids. I fully expect to get to the end of that 12 months and still want to return to the UK. I just know in my heart, that I prefer the company of my family and friends, than the knowledge that I live in a big house and the beach is just down the road.

There are people that can put up with this, knowing that they are in the wrong place, that they shouldn't be here, living with the feelings of homesickness, they just suppress those feelings, bury them somehow, and get on with their lives. I know a lady who's been out here, in Perth, for 25 years. She told me on our first meeting that she still felt homesick and that she had to go home every year, on her own because they couldn't afford for all of the family to go, but she needed her 'fix' of her family and the UK. I dread the thought of ever getting to that stage.

Thank you all once again for the kind words and opinions, they are all very valid.

I shall now take my little ones to Go Bananas ...again...let them run riot, smile and be happy!! After all......I'm Living The Dream...aren't I?
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:57 am
  #33  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Thirteen months in Brisbane.......yes, it still aches.
I'm married to an Aussie who could never cope with life in the UK, so I have to stay - no choice in the matter. I have really really tried hard to settle and to fit in - even though I often feel the whole country is against me.
All I can say is that the ache will probably get less, though it may never go away. I don't feel it all the time now, it comes and goes in waves, but I think it will always be there, and I can only describe it as you did, Tracey, I feel so lost.
I cried when I read your posts last night, as I know exactly how you feel; I can only hope that things improve for you,

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Old Nov 26th 2004, 4:48 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Tracey, if it helps there are alot of us out here whether it be OZ or NZ who feel "lost".... only you can decide how long you can give it before you know once and for that returning to the UK is the right decision for you and yours.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

For what its worth we have felt the way you do since the first few weeks but there were times when we thought we have to make this work and there no going back... now 10 months on we have decided to go home and have booked and paid for our flights. The feeling that we have inside is wonderful and is the best feeling in the world. Some folk love their new life and others dont, thats the way of the world.

I was speaking to a lovely old man at work today who told me that he longs to go home to Scotland but cant afford to and told me to get out of NZ before we get trapped. He has been here for 40 years and has never felt at home. He went back to Scotland for a holiday paid for by his family last year and said the minute he arrived into Scotland he felt at home!!

Good luck
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 6:03 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Only me again!

Seen as I am considering the possibility of going home to the UK, I have to prepare for all eventualities, including getting my cat home. He's a very well travelled moggy now, he'll have his own "high flyer" card!

How do I go about getting him back home? I know I have to have rabies jabs for him, what's the process? Will he have to go into quarantine in the UK and for how long? I would be most grateful if someone could explain.
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 6:17 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

[/INDENT]now 10 months on we have decided to go home and have booked and paid for our flights. The feeling that we have inside is wonderful and is the best feeling in the world. [INDENT]

I agree. I bought my ticket home a few days ago and I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Excitement too of course, and the expectation of a headache or two when I have to arrange to ship everything again!! But who cares, I'm going home!!!! The whole, should I, shouldn't I, is draining.
I've got twelve weeks left in this country and I feel so happy I might even enjoy them.
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 7:32 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Hello TraceyW

We are living in Currambine, have spent many a hot day in Go bannana's.
I have sent U a PM.
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 7:43 am
  #38  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Only me again!

Seen as I am considering the possibility of going home to the UK, I have to prepare for all eventualities, including getting my cat home. He's a very well travelled moggy now, he'll have his own "high flyer" card!

How do I go about getting him back home? I know I have to have rabies jabs for him, what's the process? Will he have to go into quarantine in the UK and for how long? I would be most grateful if someone could explain.
http://www.quarantine.co.uk/quarantineexplained.php


There's a link to some information regarding taking pets back to the UK.

Please stop writing those long heartbreaking posts, people in my office are looking at me strangely and offering sympathy and tissues.
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 11:33 am
  #39  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

hiya tracy

I don't know if you've seen this thread before, but it might help with how you're feeling....it may not too, but anyway FWIW the 4 stages of culture shock....I thought it made for interesting reading.

http://www.britishexpats.com/forum/s...+culture+shock

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

love sophia x
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 1:30 pm
  #40  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I understand the feeling of 'not belonging' and everything is alien. I moved to the UK 5 years ago to be with my British hubby, and it took a long time to settle in to life in general. I guess my experience is just the reverse of many who have moved to Australia. (and I know I'm not the only 1!!!)

I think the reasons why people move country are as many and varied as the people moving themselves. And it's not always easy to adapt.

For me, living the UK has been claustraphobic. It's cramped, crowded, wet much of time, little space.... list could go on!! But it's also very green, pretty in it's own way, lots of ancient history etc... But I miss very wide open spaces with not a soul around....the smell of eucalpyt trees on hot days.. the screech of parrots .... the bluish haze over mountain ranges...the humm of cicada's during summer... list is endless for me!!

Each to their own gotta do what makes you happy in life...

At least you had a go at seeing if it worked for you
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:03 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Brissiegirl

For me, living the UK has been claustraphobic. It's cramped, crowded, wet much of time, little space.... list could go on!! But it's also very green, pretty in it's own way, lots of ancient history etc... But I miss very wide open spaces with not a soul around....the smell of eucalpyt trees on hot days.. the screech of parrots .... the bluish haze over mountain ranges...the humm of cicada's during summer... list is endless for me!!
Sounds very similar to the list that The Bloke came up with after 6 weeks in the UK last year. his main complaint was that everything was small and cramped. Thats one of the reasons I have to make it work here, he could never settle over there.
However - you didn't mention one of the things he says he missed the most while away from Qld - the cawing of those hideous crows! He says they make him feel at home........I feel the need for a shotgun licence every time I hear one!
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:07 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Pollyana
Sounds very similar to the list that The Bloke came up with after 6 weeks in the UK last year. his main complaint was that everything was small and cramped. Thats one of the reasons I have to make it work here, he could never settle over there.
However - you didn't mention one of the things he says he missed the most while away from Qld - the cawing of those hideous crows! He says they make him feel at home........I feel the need for a shotgun licence every time I hear one!
Crows take alot of getting use to!!! They are pretty noisy and very unsociable!! They also pinch cat food.. and eat road-kill toads... yuck!

And yeah, settling anywhere takes a helluva long time.....
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:26 pm
  #43  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

[QUOTE=Brissiegirl]I understand the feeling of 'not belonging' and everything is alien. I moved to the UK 5 years ago to be with my British hubby, and it took a long time to settle in to life in general. I guess my experience is just the reverse of many who have moved to Australia. (and I know I'm not the only 1!!!)

I think the reasons why people move country are as many and varied as the people moving themselves. And it's not always easy to adapt.

For me, living the UK has been claustraphobic. It's cramped, crowded, wet much of time, little space.... list could go on!! But it's also very green, pretty in it's own way, lots of ancient history etc... But I miss very wide open spaces with not a soul around....the smell of eucalpyt trees on hot days.. the screech of parrots .... the bluish haze over mountain ranges...the humm of cicada's during summer... list is endless for me!!



I am with you there Brissiegirl
I was born in the UK but grew up in South Africa - now live in the Uk again and sooooo miss the open spaces - should be in Aus early next year.
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:31 pm
  #44  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by jjj

I am with you there Brissiegirl
I was born in the UK but grew up in South Africa - now live in the Uk again and sooooo miss the open spaces - should be in Aus early next year.
yeah, open space is something of a rare commodity in the UK!!! Particularly hundreds of kilometres with very few people about.. I love that but then, I'm odd.. I love silence.. the gentle sounds of nature...
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Old Nov 26th 2004, 2:32 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I would just like to add that we are all different and for some of us we settle into life in Australia very quickly, for some it takes time and for some people they never do!

I lived in Australia for 19 years and never truly settled in. I always had an ache to return "home" but my Australian husband had no desire to live England. I now live in New York. I arrived here 6 years ago and from day one felt like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders when I finally left Australia. I now travel back to Australia regularly. My feelings towards Australia have not changed. I hate the sprawling suburbs and the small town mentalility of the place and my only reason for returning is to see my son who lives there. Looking back my only regrets in life is that I spent so long living in a culture where I simply didn't fit in.
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