Does it ever stop aching?

Old Feb 21st 2005, 10:21 am
  #91  
BE Forum Addict
 
mand8002's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Wakefield.......now Wellington Point
Posts: 1,284
mand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond reputemand8002 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Thanks for the replies. I know I am not being rational, and it is so unlike me that I am finding that hard to cope with in itself.
Hopefully I will settle sooner rather than later, but we will see what happens. I really like Australia, but am not sure if I can live here.
mand8002 is offline  
Old Feb 21st 2005, 12:57 pm
  #92  
HMP Queensland
 
Pollyana's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,215
Pollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond reputePollyana has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I posted on this thread back in November, and I've just re-read what I wrote then. I'm still homesick at times, but it IS easier. My family now have internet/email so that has made things better as I feel closer to them. The ache is still there, I don't think it will ever go, because there will always be things that remind me of "home".
However, I'm still determined to belong here, I want to love this country, though at times I feel as if she is throwing everything at me just to test me and see how much I can take.
16 months now, and every month is a little easier.
Pollyana is offline  
Old Feb 22nd 2005, 12:02 pm
  #93  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,384
ANA123 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Hi Amanda,
just read your post about feeling homesick, I felt exactly the same and didnt find it got better for some time, in fact the 6 month mark was possibly the worst. We've now been here a year and I am just starting to lose that horrible feeling, and feel better about being here. I'm not sure that we'll stay, though my husband loves it, but I will give it the 2 years that I promised and if I dont feel better he'll have to keep his promise and come home.
The decision to stay or go somehow feels bigger than the one to come in the first place,
hope you decide whats right for you and your family,
Michaela x






Originally Posted by mand8002
We have been here for only 4 weeks and I am so homesick it is unbelievable, I too have the constant sick feeling in my stomach, that I am seriously considering returning at easter.
I wouldn't say I am missing family and friends as such, as i have always put my time into my children and did not have a social side as such.
I am also one of the 'half cup full' people and usually am very optimistic and make the best of a situation, so these feelings have really hit me.....I have never felt like this before, ever.
To return so soon could be seen as stupid, but my children would be able to fall straight back into their routine, where if we wait the 2 years then I can imagine them not wanting to return as they will have their new friends and social circle here.
The only time the feeling subsides is when I think of returning...........but then I think should I give it some time. Usually I am not an indecisive person either.............
I wish there was someone to tell me what I should be doing.........but I know it is down to me.
Sorry for the rambling................
Amanda
ANA123 is offline  
Old Feb 22nd 2005, 7:29 pm
  #94  
home again, home again
 
janeyray's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Notts to Perth, Perth to Notts
Posts: 1,748
janeyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud of
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by ramseystreet
Hi Tracey

I know exactly how you feel. I felt I didn't belong in Australia the moment I stepped foot in it. I have however tried to make a go of it..
We have been here for 16 months now and we have bought the "dream house" live a short distance from the beach etc etc.
Frankly my feelings haven't changed. I miss Europe, Culture, Friends and Family.
Missing the countryside, beer, walks in the country and wildlife.

My husband loves the lifestyle and really doesn't want to go back to the UK but I am desperate to do the citizenship and get outta here.
I have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way and missing the support of family.
I too have spent endless hotdays at go-bananas!
16 months was all I could manage, so hang in there for your citizenship if thats what you want.

We had our daughters birthday at Go Bananas in the 'fairy room' !!!! Fabulous place though!!!
janeyray is offline  
Old Feb 22nd 2005, 7:57 pm
  #95  
 
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 629
ShozInOz is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Amanda&Paul
I have felt homesick since I came here Jan 2004. On paper I should love it:- nice house a walk away from beach on a lovely island near Brisbane, nice cars, kids in private school, easyish job - but no I am desparate to go home too. The saving grace for me is that we all feel the same! So we are waiting until we can opt for citizenship (we aren't going to sell up here just incase!) and then go back. I can't wait - I have enjoyed it here but can't stay 'forever'.

I think that on arriving it is best not to say - we're here forever as it just makes you feel worse. We always said that we were here for 2 years and that if we felt different after that then all well and good - we'd stay. The thing is 14 months in we all still want to go back to the UK for really all the same reasons as all the other posts in this thread. At the end of the day Australia is a fantastic place and coming over here is a great life experience. To come over and then go back is not to fail - how many people would love an opportunity to do this but never do? Better to have tried and decided that it isn't for you at the moment than never tried at all.

We've been here for 16 months and plan to stay for another 12-14, but then to move back to the UK - hopefully Bournelouth in fact! We've lived there before, me for 3 years, and it offers a great lifestyle and gave me many positive feelings I have had here. Now we have a baby on the way and the thought of family and deep friends not being a part of our lives makes us very sad (phone is not the same, and visits to the UK are stressful and too much travelling around the country). We've had a great time here, after 3-4 months of hellish homesickness initially for me, but feel the lifestyle benefits here are outweighed by deeper things back in the UK. The initeresting thing is we made this decision after thinking very hard about buying a house here - we were nearly set, then we both changed our mind simultaneously while not actually feeling homesick, just planning for what we really thought was most important in life.
ShozInOz is offline  
Old Mar 14th 2005, 5:33 am
  #96  
Just Joined
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 9
Holly is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by mcmercer
Hi Amanda,
just read your post about feeling homesick, I felt exactly the same and didnt find it got better for some time, in fact the 6 month mark was possibly the worst. We've now been here a year and I am just starting to lose that horrible feeling, and feel better about being here. I'm not sure that we'll stay, though my husband loves it, but I will give it the 2 years that I promised and if I dont feel better he'll have to keep his promise and come home.
The decision to stay or go somehow feels bigger than the one to come in the first place,
hope you decide whats right for you and your family,
Michaela x

We have only been here since November last year. We worked very hard to get organised and be here in Sydney .I thought I had prepared myself for everything and now it seems I helped the kids and my hubby adjust but not me. I have joined the P&C , i have volunteered at school , I have made new friends , done the BBQ's and sight seeing trips into the city.I have had coffee mornings , although no-one drinks coffee out here and I have sat and smiled thru "scrap booking" and "muffin baking". I feel I have attempted EVERYTHING i can to settle and it's just not happening.
I have tried to discuss it with my husband but he's "loving it !" and just dismisses it .Before we came out we both worked 12 hour shifts around each others shifts so 1 of us was always here with the kids , but out here my husband can't get 12 hour shifts and therefore I can't work because ne is working around the clock , ordinary shifts and "on-call ". I have suggested he goes part-time and we share the work load but he now enjoys the chauvinistic lifestyle of being the bread winner. (1st time ever)This isn't why we moved !!
So , i sit in the house with all the blinds shut , in the dark , with the AC on because it's so bloody hot out there and wonder what to do next. Not every day is like this but I can't wait to hit the 2 year mark , get my citizinship and work out what happens next. I love my husband more than anything in the world but I have the horrible feeling that unless he starts "hearing what I'm saying" , I'm going to have to make a one way trip back to the UK myself. He won'y go back for a holiday ever , so he says and reckons if I go back that I'm going to seperate us all up.I'm sorry you guys are getting all this but I have no-one else to whinge to , because I don't want anyone who knows us to feel like they have to start to take sides.
I seem to miss everything and try to be positive about Oz every day but it just takes one small thing to make me lose that and want to go home to Scotland again.
I await the onslaught of the lectures about being a whinger !
Thanks for listenening anyway.
H.
Holly is offline  
Old Mar 14th 2005, 8:06 am
  #97  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: scotland
Posts: 64
Linda Maxwell will become famous soon enoughLinda Maxwell will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Holly, it's time to put you foot down. I was where you are now, and I know how terrible it is. We were in NZ
I was a slave to my lot for years, then put my foot down. I told them if we were staying in NZ, there was changes to be made.
I worked, made hubby take his share of parental duties, joined a gym, and had me time. I stopped doing everything for them, and I went into holiday mode. You should have seen their faces when I came home from a shopping trip with nothing for them, only stuff for me.
Just when I started to enjoy myself, guess what, they wanted to come home.
It does not matter where you are in the world, you have to have a bit of life. It sounds as if yours has changed too dramatically. You need to change the balence back. It may not make you any happier where you are, but inside you will feel better, stronger, and more able to cope.
Thinking of you
Linda
Linda Maxwell is offline  
Old Mar 14th 2005, 3:25 pm
  #98  
Home at last
 
callé's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Beautiful UK
Posts: 866
callé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Holly
We have only been here since November last year. We worked very hard to get organised and be here in Sydney .I thought I had prepared myself for everything and now it seems I helped the kids and my hubby adjust but not me. I have joined the P&C , i have volunteered at school , I have made new friends , done the BBQ's and sight seeing trips into the city.I have had coffee mornings , although no-one drinks coffee out here and I have sat and smiled thru "scrap booking" and "muffin baking". I feel I have attempted EVERYTHING i can to settle and it's just not happening.
I have tried to discuss it with my husband but he's "loving it !" and just dismisses it .Before we came out we both worked 12 hour shifts around each others shifts so 1 of us was always here with the kids , but out here my husband can't get 12 hour shifts and therefore I can't work because ne is working around the clock , ordinary shifts and "on-call ". I have suggested he goes part-time and we share the work load but he now enjoys the chauvinistic lifestyle of being the bread winner. (1st time ever)This isn't why we moved !!
So , i sit in the house with all the blinds shut , in the dark , with the AC on because it's so bloody hot out there and wonder what to do next. Not every day is like this but I can't wait to hit the 2 year mark , get my citizinship and work out what happens next. I love my husband more than anything in the world but I have the horrible feeling that unless he starts "hearing what I'm saying" , I'm going to have to make a one way trip back to the UK myself. He won'y go back for a holiday ever , so he says and reckons if I go back that I'm going to seperate us all up.I'm sorry you guys are getting all this but I have no-one else to whinge to , because I don't want anyone who knows us to feel like they have to start to take sides.
I seem to miss everything and try to be positive about Oz every day but it just takes one small thing to make me lose that and want to go home to Scotland again.
I await the onslaught of the lectures about being a whinger !
Thanks for listenening anyway.
H.

Hi Holly. I dont think many of us will say anything about you having a good whinge. Any of us that move from one country to another really have a lot on us. And mostly its by choice but you never can really tell how you'll feel living somewhere so far from home. The hardest part is when you both start to feel different ways. It really adds to the loneliness and solitude you feel. perhaps you should sit down and tell your husband that you are glad he and the children seem happy and settled but you arent! and if he does care about your feelings as well then maybe he could at least be a little more understanding and you both agree to see how everyone feels at the end of the two years. Things change and so do feelings. Hang in there and be firm with him. with a little luck for you maybe in a little more time he will start to miss family and friends and old familiar places!
And dont worry, you are amongst friends here who have similar feelings.
callé is offline  
Old Mar 14th 2005, 4:35 pm
  #99  
BE Forum Addict
 
ladylisa's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
ladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Hi Holy, I feel for you. You may not believe this but the unexpected could happen and it time your husband may start to miss Scotland. He thinks he is fully settled but in my experience this can change. Thats certainly happened with my husband and I was the last person to expect that of him.

Good Luck and keep posting, everyone on this site understands what you are going through.
ladylisa is offline  
Old Mar 14th 2005, 10:46 pm
  #100  
Account Closed
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
TraceyW is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by mcmercer
Hi Amanda,
though my husband loves it, but I will give it the 2 years that I promised and if I dont feel better he'll have to keep his promise and come home.
The decision to stay or go somehow feels bigger than the one to come in the first place,

Michaela x

Hi chaps, it's me, the one who started all this lot!

Just thought I'd pop a quick post up to say that after eight months in....I still feel the same! I'm getting a bit fed up with it now, I wish I could just wake up one morning and it would all be crystal clear where my future lies.

I have to say that Michaela has hit the nail on the head with her comment. It is worse making the decision to go home, there are so many more doubts about moving back to the UK, especially for my hubby who still loves it here.

It's not that I haven't been trying to throw myself into the lifestyle. I've got some lovely mates, we have a fabulous social life (although barbis still get tedious!) I've even got myself into uni and I'm taking a BA in teaching. So I've tried to get off my butt and make a life for myself....but it still isn't working!

We even took a trip over east to Melbourne and Sydney to see what life was like over there. We met up with the lovely Badge and Mrs B, who are fab folks, they showed us around their neck of the woods...absolutely gorgeous, rural and beautiful and my kind of place. My hubby reckons that he needs warmer climates and beaches closer by! I reckon he just believes that Perth is for him and no other place will do.

We have had a weekend full of discussions and have finally agreed that I will get my degree (hopefully!) which will take a few more years yet, that way we will be able to get citizenship. I will also take a few trips home with the kids to make sure England is the place I really want to be and if it is...we go home!!

So, for the next 4 years I will be serving my sentance....doing my time.....I will try to keep focused, still try to love it ( ) and hope that one day something clicks!

Until that time I'll just pop another dozen valium/prozac/horsetablets...anything else that keeps me sane!

Good luck to anyone else out there who feels "the ache" I truly understand where you're coming from and I sympathise with you completely. I hope you too find your way of coping and sorting your own situations out....good luck.
TraceyW is offline  
Old Mar 15th 2005, 2:33 am
  #101  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Back with the hobbits
Posts: 376
Lizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to allLizzi is a name known to all
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

You're not alone Holly, we know how you feel. I hope you can try and talk it through with your husband and make him see how the world looks from where you're sitting, and you're not particularly happy with the current domestic arrangements. Good luck & keep posting.
Lizzi is offline  
Old Mar 15th 2005, 3:02 pm
  #102  
Home at last
 
callé's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Beautiful UK
Posts: 866
callé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond reputecallé has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Hi chaps, it's me, the one who started all this lot!

Just thought I'd pop a quick post up to say that after eight months in....I still feel the same! I'm getting a bit fed up with it now, I wish I could just wake up one morning and it would all be crystal clear where my future lies.

I have to say that Michaela has hit the nail on the head with her comment. It is worse making the decision to go home, there are so many more doubts about moving back to the UK, especially for my hubby who still loves it here.

It's not that I haven't been trying to throw myself into the lifestyle. I've got some lovely mates, we have a fabulous social life (although barbis still get tedious!) I've even got myself into uni and I'm taking a BA in teaching. So I've tried to get off my butt and make a life for myself....but it still isn't working!

We even took a trip over east to Melbourne and Sydney to see what life was like over there. We met up with the lovely Badge and Mrs B, who are fab folks, they showed us around their neck of the woods...absolutely gorgeous, rural and beautiful and my kind of place. My hubby reckons that he needs warmer climates and beaches closer by! I reckon he just believes that Perth is for him and no other place will do.

We have had a weekend full of discussions and have finally agreed that I will get my degree (hopefully!) which will take a few more years yet, that way we will be able to get citizenship. I will also take a few trips home with the kids to make sure England is the place I really want to be and if it is...we go home!!

So, for the next 4 years I will be serving my sentance....doing my time.....I will try to keep focused, still try to love it ( ) and hope that one day something clicks!

Until that time I'll just pop another dozen valium/prozac/horsetablets...anything else that keeps me sane!

Good luck to anyone else out there who feels "the ache" I truly understand where you're coming from and I sympathise with you completely. I hope you too find your way of coping and sorting your own situations out....good luck.

Hi TraceyW,
sounds like you have come up with a plan. Thats good because now at least you know there is something to look forward to. getting a degree will be good and maybe it will help you settle. If not, it will come in handy on your return and open up new job options! Good luck to you.
callé is offline  
Old Mar 15th 2005, 3:26 pm
  #103  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 557
seacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant futureseacreature has a brilliant future
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by darwinite
Consider yourself lucky that you can still go back. My husband and I will keep trying to find a solution for us which will probably lie somewhere between Germany and Australia. We are looking at Canada. Where we can have real seasons, a real christmas, are only 9 hours flight time away from Germany.

I can so realte to your feelings. I have lived in the US and Canada temporarily before meeting my husband and never have I felt as lonely, as bored and as homesick as I do in Australia. Australia has no depths. It is great for a holiday, great for temp. living even but certainly not great for a perm. life.

Good luck to you.
Hmmm, well I live in Canada and honestly I feel the same way about here. Canada definately has no depth whatsoever. It's just dull. Sure, there are gorgeous parts like NS and the Rocky mountains, but they might as well be on a different continent. It was quicker to fly to Rome from London than to fly from Toronto to Halifax or Vancouver.
seacreature is offline  
Old Mar 20th 2005, 2:51 am
  #104  
Just Joined
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 9
Holly is an unknown quantity at this point
Smile Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Linda Maxwell
Holly, it's time to put you foot down. I was where you are now, and I know how terrible it is. We were in NZ
I was a slave to my lot for years, then put my foot down. I told them if we were staying in NZ, there was changes to be made.
I worked, made hubby take his share of parental duties, joined a gym, and had me time. I stopped doing everything for them, and I went into holiday mode. You should have seen their faces when I came home from a shopping trip with nothing for them, only stuff for me.
Just when I started to enjoy myself, guess what, they wanted to come home.
It does not matter where you are in the world, you have to have a bit of life. It sounds as if yours has changed too dramatically. You need to change the balence back. It may not make you any happier where you are, but inside you will feel better, stronger, and more able to cope.
Thinking of you
Linda
Thanks everyone for your support. It does get really hard when you don't know who to talk to but feeling a bit stronger I sat and talked to my husband. Intially he did the usual , "I can't believe you really MISS Britain" and dissed it , but when I started to silent sob and tell him that I was the last person that I thought this would happen to , he started to listen. So , we're going back home on a long holiday but not for 4 years. He has promised this and is a man of his word. I know it's a silly thing but I feel different knowing that I will be able to go home again (am now pushing for Christmas 2007) and I am going to join the casual bank at the local hospital and start maybe just a shift a fortnight. Little things but I'm starting to feel a wee bit more positive.Am still absolutely desperate to go back but the cooler weather and the thought of holiday are making me more determined and try to enjoy everything that we can see and do whilst we're here. Thanks again.
TracyW , I'm glad you've found some way of coping with it all too. When I first read your post I could hardly continue for the tears pouring down my face ! Thank-you for starting it and sharing your experience. It makes it a lot easier to know I'm not the only one !
Take care and all the best,
Holly.
Holly is offline  
Old Mar 20th 2005, 9:00 am
  #105  
home again, home again
 
janeyray's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Notts to Perth, Perth to Notts
Posts: 1,748
janeyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud ofjaneyray has much to be proud of
Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Holly

Am still absolutely desperate to go back but the cooler weather and the thought of holiday are making me more determined and try to enjoy everything that we can see and do whilst we're here. Holly.
It does make it so much easier living there knowing you are coming back. When we had a date in mind for our return I could relax a lot more. Good luck
janeyray is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.