Does it ever stop aching?

Old Dec 11th 2004, 1:25 pm
  #61  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TammyC
Bella - would like to send a private message but can't work out how!!! I'd love to talk to you for a feature I'm doing for Family Circle Magazine about moving abroad. I've found plenty of people to talk about the good bits, but no one brave enough to talk about the bad bits. Would you please drop me an email ([email protected]) if you'd be willing to take part?
Thanks so much, Tammy
Start a new thread would be best advice as this one's an old one.
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Old Dec 12th 2004, 11:24 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

The truth is it is so different for everyone but after 7 years no it never did for me, I came back and very content here in the UK. That little nag had gone away and my heart does not feel heavy anymore.

I battled on for many reasons over there then August 2003 thought "Sod it, I am going home". I do however now feel like a stranger in my own homeland to a certain degree becasue of this and have concluded that I have to accept this, part of a unique circle of people that wanted to go out there and try life in a new town or country. Suppose every action there is a re-action.

The otherside to that is that there was parts of my life in Oz I enjoyed, lovely friends and experiences.

I don't know how to advise, I too want to give you a big hug. The advice of throwing yourself into life there was what I did, it helps to get you through.

Good luck with it all Tracy.

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Old Dec 12th 2004, 5:32 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

[


QUOTE=Merlot]The truth is it is so different for everyone but after 7 years no it never did for me, I came back and very content here in the UK. That little nag had gone away and my heart does not feel heavy anymore.

I battled on for many reasons over there then August 2003 thought "Sod it, I am going home". I do however now feel like a stranger in my own homeland to a certain degree becasue of this and have concluded that I have to accept this, part of a unique circle of people that wanted to go out there and try life in a new town or country. Suppose every action there is a re-action.

The otherside to that is that there was parts of my life in Oz I enjoyed, lovely friends and experiences.

I don't know how to advise, I too want to give you a big hug. The advice of throwing yourself into life there was what I did, it helps to get you through.

Good luck with it all Tracy.

Merlot[/QUOTE]

Merlot - as with Bella, I'd love to talk to you about what it's like being back in the UK. Please get in touch on [email protected] if you'd be willing to discuss it for a women's magazine. I REALLY want this to be a balanced piece, but for some reason everyone wants to talk about how great moving abroad is, but no one wants to talk about the homesickness or any of the other 'not so great' bits. How are people at home in the UK supposed to make up their minds about making this huge move if they consistently get only one side of the story?
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Old Dec 14th 2004, 12:57 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Well, we've been here in Perth for five months now, and my husband has settled in wonderfully. He had no problems finding a job in the same field as he was in in the UK, the pay is not as good but it's what we expected. Our children seem to be fine, they're only 5 & 3, so it's all a bit of an adventure for them really. Apart from the occasional "I miss Granny & Grandad" they don't really seem to talk about the UK at all. They have lot's of new mates too.

We are renting a lovely home in the Northern suburbs,we have two very nice cars, we have bought a block of land and chosen the house to be built on it.
I've made lot's of new aquaintances ( I say that as it takes a long time to class someone as a friend) and get out more than I ever did at home. We spend weekends as a family and go out to the park or the beach lot's, although I'm sure this will become monotonous over time. The weather is so much better and the skies are brilliant blue, as is the ocean. Our finances, once the house is built, will be so much better than they were in the UK, we will actually have spare money left over at the end of the month...amazing! All of the things we emigrated for, we have either achieved or will achieve.

So, with all of the above taken into consideration, why the hell do all I think about and long for, is home? Everyday I wake up with an ache in my stomach, a longing to be back in my old house, surrounded by my family, my friends and all of the things that meant so much to me. Why do I fantasize about the lovely countryside that was just down the road from us, those wonderful green fields, the hills, the hay-bails, the hedgerows full of wildlife, the kind that isn't out to kill you! I miss the architecture, the culture and history? I've suddenly realised, that my home town where I grew up and spent most of my years, has more history in it's High Street! (Aboriginal history excluded) I just took it for granted. I feel sick to my stomach by the thought that I will spend this christmas away from people who actually give a damn about me and my family.

All of a sudden I want cold, frosty weather...oh to wake up after a harsh frost, to throw back the curtains of my bloody UPSTAIRS bedroom and see the white glistening in the sunshine. To get all excited about christmas shopping in the cold, dark afternoons, to get home and put the tree lights on and snuggle up in front of the fire to watch to decent programmes instead of CSI Miami or Law & Order! I have come to the conclusion, that much more of these programes and I will actually be able to commit the perfect crime...I'd never get caught, I'm nearly an expert now!

I never thought I would actually say this...but I miss planning and having my fortnights holiday in Greece or Spain! Oh god, that's one heck of an admission I know, but it's so true! I miss being able to sit in a taverna, in a cobbled street surrounded by old white washed houses and drink cold beer out of a jug! We did say, when we were in the UK, that we would come back to the UK for holidays and pop into Spain/Greece or wherever took our fancy! What the hell were we thinking! There is no way we could ever afford to do that! We can't even afford to just pop over to the east coast! It's not until you get here and realise just how expensive it really is, do the maths and come to the conclusion that we're stuck here....in suburban hell. We spent nearly 2 years researching this, we thought we knew most things, we thought we were well prepared for any eventuality....what b*****ks! No amount of research can prepare you emotionally for the pain a move like this will cause.

On one hand, I could kick myself really hard, for doing this emigrating lark! If only I'd kept my big mouth shut when my hubby suggested it, if only I'd looked around me and took stock, appreciated it all a little more, instead of craving the adventure, of wanting to make a difference to my life. Then, on the other hand, if we do go back to the UK, I will not regret taking the chance of coming over here and giving it a go. It will make me look through different eyes at what the UK has to offer.

The hardest thing will be, for me, 'making' my husband go home. He is so happy here, but he would never make me stay if I wasn't happy, he would be willing to go back, just to make me happy. I will just feel so awful by making him give up his dream. I know this is still early days for me, it's only been 5 months, but these feelings haven't changed, I've felt like this since we got here. I wish I could be one of those people that land, get off the plane and feel that they've found their little piece of heaven! It's just not clicked for me at all. I find Australia beautiful, but bland and characterless. It has no depth, no soul. If it's beaches and barbis that float your boat, then this is the right place for you, but after five months of it, it get's a little dull!

We will have to wait until the house is built, then make the decision. I think I will go home for a holiday first, just to see how I really feel about the place, it may put things into perspective a little either way.

I just wondered, is there anyone out there, who feel or ever felt like this? Is this just early days homesickness? will it fade and get better? Did it ever start to click for you, it just took a lot longer for some than for others?

I feel so damn lost.
Both my wife and I felt exactly like that. We enjoyed the scenery and the lifestyle for a while but ultimately found our lives unfulfilled and we were bored. We returned to the UK after nearly 3 years in Sydney and we have been back over a year now. We have never looked back. That feeling in the stomach stayed with both of us for the whole 3 years, so it was not a hard decision to return. Your feelings are perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable.
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Old Dec 14th 2004, 6:13 pm
  #65  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Herman
Both my wife and I felt exactly like that. We enjoyed the scenery and the lifestyle for a while but ultimately found our lives unfulfilled and we were bored. We returned to the UK after nearly 3 years in Sydney and we have been back over a year now. We have never looked back. That feeling in the stomach stayed with both of us for the whole 3 years, so it was not a hard decision to return. Your feelings are perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable.
Ditto
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Old Dec 14th 2004, 11:40 pm
  #66  
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Smile Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Reading your note sounded so familiar, the thoughts about the place and the feelings about the uk. Its everything we went through and more so much so that after over 4 years in NZ we are selling up and going home.

Were leaving the big house, the nice job, the weather (not as nice as OZ but still quite nice) and heading home in April of next year hopefully. We found that we didn't adjust to missing the things we wanted and we feel isolated here. We could visit oz but once you've seen it once you've seen it enough and thats about it. We want to pop to europe for a tenner and take our kids to see castles and blackpool and alton towers, and have choice in the supermarkets and ....... our list got too long so we knew that it was going to be hard but we had to do it for our sanitys sake and also for our children aged 3 and 11 weeks. I want them to grow up english, is that a crime?

What was strange was were happy up until the beginning of this year and thats when we made our decision. We never emigrated though, we came for a year and stayed cos we weren't ready to go back yet. Scared..Yes, i won't know if we are doing the right thing till we get there i suppose. and i guess we can always change our mind and come back if things don't work out (don't know how we could afford it though).

Would love to chat to people in similar positions.


[QUOTE=TraceyW]
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Old Dec 15th 2004, 12:32 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Hi Marbles, same as you in NZ and cant wait to get home. We leave end of January. Yipee. Also have friends heading home same time from Dunedin. Its so weird since we paid and booked those flights all we here now are of people heading back. Weird!!!!

NZ never seemed to hit those buttons. Major hassles re registration and job for hubby and myself finding work. Cost of living too expensive and lack of choice. So better to cut our losses now and head back.

To say we have enjoyed the experience would be a lie, but we have learnt alot from it.
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Old Dec 15th 2004, 1:26 am
  #68  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by marbles
Reading your note sounded so familiar, the thoughts about the place and the feelings about the uk. Its everything we went through and more so much so that after over 4 years in NZ we are selling up and going home.
Assuming you haven't taken NZ citizenship, at the very least you should make a point of getting indefinite Returning Resident Visas before you leave NZ, if you haven't already done so.

You never know if or when you (or your children) might want to return and you won't be able to obtain RRVs after leaving NZ.

Citizenship is better than the indefinite RRV but if you're planning to leave in April (and are definite about this) it is unlikely to be an option.

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Old Dec 15th 2004, 2:33 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

I moved from Essex to the USA in 1998 and hated it for two years. I never longed to go (husband got a job over here) and had never heard of this forum at the time (maybe it didnt exist then). My heart goes out to all of you who find yourselves with that gut renching ache that is due to culture shock, I know it very well and it stinks. Six years later and I'm still here and would not go back to UK. I will be moving to Perth in September with my husband and three teenage daughters. I got over missing friends and family as time helps, still dont feel like I fit in to the American culture but have accepted it. Looking forward to Australia as its a new stage of life for us, daughters going to uni there. I now know what to expect at least regarding culture shock. Good luck to all of you and I admire you all as you have guts to try something different. Remember you have not failed if you find its not for you, you will have grown stronger and learnt alot about yourself.
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Old Dec 15th 2004, 6:58 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Thanks for the advice. we went to Palmerston North last week and got our indefinite returning resident visas so that we can change our mind if we want to. We have left it too late for citizenship so we aren't going to bother with that also we are pretty sure we will not want to come back to live. I will be visiting as my mum is going to stay so there will be holidays in the future out here. Both my boys are citizens because they were born here so we are applying for both kiwi and uk passports, at least they have a choice then when they are older. I hope they don't change the rules in the future and make the RRV not indefinite but then we should have made our minds up by then.

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Old Dec 15th 2004, 8:21 pm
  #71  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by marbles
We want to pop to europe for a tenner
Europe for a tenner? I obviously missed that the eight years I was in the UK!
 
Old Dec 15th 2004, 8:26 pm
  #72  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Velouria
Europe for a tenner? I obviously missed that the eight years I was in the UK!
My son recently flew from Stansted to Turin for 1p. (ONE PENNY) + tax on Ryanair

G
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Old Dec 15th 2004, 9:01 pm
  #73  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Grayling
My son recently flew from Stansted to Turin for 1p. (ONE PENNY) + tax on Ryanair

G
yeah i got a return flight once from scotland for 1p... but the whole thing once taxes were added and airport parking was paid for came out to a heck of a lot more!

weekend fares are usually a lot more expensive than the ones they advertise on websites. that always used to annoy me
 
Old Dec 23rd 2004, 5:01 am
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Bellefield
The thought of staying until the 2 year mark to get citizenship was unthinkable. I spent a year feeling very unhappy, why prolong the agony.
I should think Jeremy might have something to say about this

[/INDENT]I have never had a regret in my life but if I could turn back the clock I would never have gone to Oz. Rather, I would have taken stock of my life in UK & made changes within its 4 walls, so to speak. I actually feel the whole migration thing traumatised me - ridiculously dramatic I know, but that is how I feel.[INDENT]


I couldn't have put it better myself.
Yup I agree, 18 months in the USA and I too feel traumatised...I miss all the things everyone in Oz misses too!!!
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Old Dec 23rd 2004, 2:02 pm
  #75  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by immunise
Yup I agree, 18 months in the USA and I too feel traumatised...I miss all the things everyone in Oz misses too!!!
Weve been in the states for 2 years and I've only just really settled in, having said that my husband has done a complete u-turn he came out loving it but now wants to return to UK. (I never believed that would happen!) I'm curious what aspects of the US are not for you?
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