Does it ever stop aching?

Old Nov 25th 2004, 2:23 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
People are obviously free to take whatever decision suits, but also must take responsibility for this.

I've come across people who've abandoned their PR in Australia, and then regret it many years later, often when the family reason that was the problem no longer exists. By then there's no hope of getting it back.

It constantly amazes me how anyone could like a place enough to migrate there, and then more or less instantly decide they don't want to stay.

It's also interesting to see on the immigration forum so many people impatient to get their visas, right alongside the posts from those who have arrived in Australia, taken a look or two and decided more or less instantly it's not for them.

The idea of giving something time (and effort) in order for it to work out seems to be alien in today's culture. However you can't have a 'drive-through' migration.

Jeremy

Well said Jeremy.

I have pretty much struggled for everything in my life, our immigration application is no different.

I am fully aware that 'Rome wasnt built in a day' so to speak, and I have an open mind to think that migration isnt either.



I love my mum and dad dearly, but the man in my life is my husband.

We both want to go badly ( he has emigrated before from his home country).

As long as I am with him, thats all that matters. The homesickness I can deal with as it happens.


If something is easy then its not worth having.

I just pray that we get our chance to prove it.
 
Old Nov 25th 2004, 2:38 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
People are obviously free to take whatever decision suits, but also must take responsibility for this.

I've come across people who've abandoned their PR in Australia, and then regret it many years later, often when the family reason that was the problem no longer exists. By then there's no hope of getting it back.

It constantly amazes me how anyone could like a place enough to migrate there, and then more or less instantly decide they don't want to stay.

It's also interesting to see on the immigration forum so many people impatient to get their visas, right alongside the posts from those who have arrived in Australia, taken a look or two and decided more or less instantly it's not for them.

The idea of giving something time (and effort) in order for it to work out seems to be alien in today's culture. However you can't have a 'drive-through' migration.

Jeremy
No offence intended. I agree with you Jeremy.
Your advice is one of the head (again, no offence), and I have considered staying for my citizenship for all the reasons you have posted here, and previously. That prospect though would chill me to the bone.
For me personally, the impact of being here is not as exciting as the prospect of going back home, where my family, friends, ect are. How long should we give it in order for it to work out?
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 3:20 pm
  #18  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
People are obviously free to take whatever decision suits, but also must take responsibility for this.

I've come across people who've abandoned their PR in Australia, and then regret it many years later, often when the family reason that was the problem no longer exists. By then there's no hope of getting it back.

It constantly amazes me how anyone could like a place enough to migrate there, and then more or less instantly decide they don't want to stay.

It's also interesting to see on the immigration forum so many people impatient to get their visas, right alongside the posts from those who have arrived in Australia, taken a look or two and decided more or less instantly it's not for them.

The idea of giving something time (and effort) in order for it to work out seems to be alien in today's culture. However you can't have a 'drive-through' migration.

Jeremy
Everybody has different views on what to expect when they emigrate; however, the reality often turns out to be very different from the expectation - sometimes for the better, sometimes not. But, one thing's for sure - the only person who knows is the person who is experiencing it. And those that have been through it.

Has anyone said that people don't take responsibility for their decision to return? What are you suggesting - that they remain another 18 months even if they are miserable? Sure, having Oz citizenship provides another option, but do they care?


It is true that it often takes 2+ years before people may settle down. Many do, but a lot don't. And it's not something you can plan for - except by having extremely realistic expectations; but then Oz would lose a lot of potential immigrants.

As had been said before, people may realise a place is not right for them almost from the moment they arrive.

They just need time to come to terms with it.

Last edited by MikeStanton; Nov 25th 2004 at 3:24 pm.
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 3:27 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Professional Princess
If something is easy then its not worth having.
My permanent residency arrived less than 3 weeks after I applied for it.

That must explain why I don't care for Oz.
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 3:33 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by MikeStanton
My permanent residency arrived less than 3 weeks after I applied for it.

That must explain why I don't care for Oz.
And when mine arrived, my heart sank. Not the reaction I was looking/hoping for, and took me quite by surprise, which started the whole way of thinking about where I actually want to be.
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by Bellefield
And when mine arrived, my heart sank. Not the reaction I was looking/hoping for, and took me quite by surprise,
But, perhaps a very telling reaction
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 3:46 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by MikeStanton
But, perhaps a very telling reaction
Exactly! I feel more positive about my ticket to Manchester than I ever did about my ticket to Perth. Would love to come back for a holiday, but to live here.....no thanks.
A German friend of mine, who is going back to Ireland in January said, "You can have anything you want here in Perth, nice house, lovely beaches, nice places to eat, but you can't have a life. There is no atmosphere, you might as well live on the moon."
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 7:19 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

When We were in Oz and had decided to return to the UK people kept saying wait until you get your citizenship etc it is only 2 years, that 2 year mark passed in September and I have never ever regretted not waiting to get it, I have absolutely no intention of ever wanting to live in Oz again (may have a holiday there sometime) and with all due respect Jeremy you love Oz and it is your business to help people live there.

We really appreciate this country now and that is one thing we have to thank migrating to Oz for, before we just took everything for granted

Susan
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 8:40 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Tracey..we are now into our 9th month here. I am the same as you and knew from the 2nd week here that I would not want to live here for ever.

My dull ache for home was a fierce roar! For at least the first 6 months I woke each day with dread, the thought of having to spend another day here was so depressing - I was sending husband off to work and kids to school and then spending the rest of the day in a cycle of tears and anger that I had ever agreed to do this. I hated the suburbia, the people, the enviroment, everything Australian.
By month 7 the homesickness was not as strong....or rather I had learnt to suppress it and did not have such awful pangs for the countryside, our house, being able to leave windows open without all the creepies finding a way in! But I still knew that this was not where I wanted to be.
During those first few months I was so miserable that I didn't give it a go here at all, I just got by doing the basics and looking forward to weekend trips away from the house and city areas.

Last month we decided that we would probably go back home in March next year.....we havn't organised anything yet though and there is something that is niggling away at me in that, even though I do not want to be here, a year does not seem long enough. Time goes quickly and I have a feeling that husband will persuade me to stay a bit longer!
I think that we may end up staying for citizenship now as Australia might be more appealing when we are retired and want to spend time with family here in the future.
There are still days where I would hop on a plane and never come back but they are getting less insistent and I am learning to block those feelings out a bit more effectivly now!! I feel that I am able to appreciate it here a bit more and make the most of our time here, knowing that we will go back home at some stage. And I can now quietly chuckle to myself at the things that I find so strange here rather than feel so hateful towards it all...... particulary while watching Kath and Kim and seeing how well they portray the Australian suburban lifestyle !!!!!

Hang on in there, the feelings will dull and you will find your own way of coping with it all.

 
Old Nov 25th 2004, 9:00 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Hi Tracey

Oh my you did bring a tear to my eye after I read: I always hoped that we would be one of the lucky families that this move would work out for, maybe it still will given more time, but at the moment, I take back everything I said about being able to cope without my loved ones, my family and friends around me. What I wouldn't give for just a cuddle off my Mum right now.
I know exactly what you are feeling and have said virtually the same as you, and wish I could give you a hug and make it all ok for you. I have been in N.Z for 10 months now and have regretted being here since about 4 weeks after getting here. It is such a depressing feeling to know that after all the planning and hard work spent on getting here that it's not at all what you think it's going to be. I come from a large family and miss them all dreadfully. My husband booked me a ticket after being here a few months as he could see how low I was getting and how much I was missing my family. We couldn't all afford to go and he stayed at home with our 3 kids in the hope it would make me feel better. It was harder to say good-bye this time than when we originally came. It's not worked out for us not just the homesickness but other reasons aswell and we are going home. It gets to a point that you start to feel bitter and angry about it all, and start hating everything about the country. I don't want to feel like that and hope that when I'm home that I can look back at this with some good memories.
I can't tell you it will get better as it hasn't for me, but we are all different and I really do hope that it works out for you. Just remember that you are not alone in feeling like this, and whatever YOU decide to do is best, follow your heart.
All the best to you, and good luck with whatever you decide.
Regards
Fillyjane
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 9:31 pm
  #26  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by MikeStanton
It is true that it often takes 2+ years before people may settle down. Many do, but a lot don't. And it's not something you can plan for - except by having extremely realistic expectations; but then Oz would lose a lot of potential immigrants.

As had been said before, people may realise a place is not right for them almost from the moment they arrive.

They just need time to come to terms with it.

Maybe it's just my outlook on life but I can't imagine how someone would want to migrate somewhere and not be 100% committed to at least giving it time to work out.

That said, I also think it critical that people think through these issues *before* starting the migration process.

If migration really is not for you, it's far better to 'come to terms with it' before uprooting yourself, not afterwards.

Jeremy
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 9:43 pm
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
Maybe it's just my outlook on life but I can't imagine how someone would want to migrate somewhere and not be 100% committed to at least giving it time to work out.

That said, I also think it critical that people think through these issues *before* starting the migration process.

If migration really is not for you, it's far better to 'come to terms with it' before uprooting yourself, not afterwards.

Jeremy
Hi Jeremy

I don't think it is just your outlook on life that someone should be 100%committed to migrating.
However you can be 100% committed and think of all of the problems you will have before uprooting, but you will never ever truely know what it is like until you have made that final plunge and done it. How do you know if migration is for you until you have done it, there is absolutley know way to know until then.

Regards

Fillyjane
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 9:45 pm
  #28  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Originally Posted by JAJ
If migration really is not for you, it's far better to 'come to terms with it' before uprooting yourself, not afterwards.

Jeremy
Frankly, that is a ridiculous statement.

Almost anyone who emigrates believes it is for them - why else would they do it? ?

BTW, you are covering three issues - the general issue of emigration; expectations vs reality and the specific issue of emigration to Oz.
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Old Nov 25th 2004, 9:54 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Does it ever stop aching?

Anyone who goes through the process of getting the visa, arranging the move, saying goodbye to friends and family are 100% committed to emigrating. The thing that they don't know, even if they mentaly prepare themselves for all eventualities, is how they will cope once there.
You can still be 100% committed but not be able to deal with the reality of it all once in your new home.
 
Old Nov 25th 2004, 10:21 pm
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Thumbs up Re: Does it ever stop aching?

We've been here 18 years and whilst at first it was like one big long holiday, the urge to return is getting stronger by the day. Meanwhile things have been complicated by our children being 'Aussies' and my parents emigrating over here to be with the grandchildren. Whilst we have lovely friends, great house, schools etc, for much of the time I feel I'm living in some sort of Barbie doll world rather than actually 'living'. Could have cried for you when I read your post. Summed it all up really. If you're going to go home - do it before you have too many ties over here.
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