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Old Dec 18th 2012 | 12:26 pm
  #136  
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Default Re: a joke

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the Revenue Canada. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the line : "List all dependents"
I replied: 2 million Native Indians; 1 million crack heads;
7.3 million unemployed people; 100,000 people in prisons;
Half of Haiti ; and 105 persons in the Federal Senate and 308 Members of Parliament.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 3:46 pm
  #137  
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Default Re: a joke

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 3:51 pm
  #138  
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Default Re: a joke

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 9:29 pm
  #139  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by rwin
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Why can't Jean-Claude Van Damme light a fire by rubbing two Chuck Norris's together?

Because there's only ONE Chuck Norris!

Spoiler:
Unless you believe this!
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 9:29 pm
  #140  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by rwin
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Why can't Jean-Claude Van Damme light a fire by rubbing two Chuck Norris's together?

Because there's only ONE Chuck Norris!

Spoiler:
Unless you believe this!
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 9:33 pm
  #141  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by DaveLovesDee
Why can't Jean-Claude Van Damme light a fire by rubbing two Chuck Norris's together?

Because there's only ONE Chuck Norris!

Spoiler:
Unless you believe this!
so good he posted it twice..
 
Old Dec 18th 2012 | 9:44 pm
  #142  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by mikelincs
so good he posted it twice..
It hasn't done that for a while I normally get a warning.
 
Old Dec 19th 2012 | 12:25 am
  #143  
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Default Re: a joke

Not really a joke, but it made me chortle.

British people problems
 
Old Dec 19th 2012 | 12:29 am
  #144  
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Default Re: a joke

The Bogeyman lies awake in fear, each night, scared that Chuck Norris is hiding under his bed.
 
Old Dec 19th 2012 | 1:36 am
  #145  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty
Not really a joke, but it made me chortle.

British people problems
I've personal experience with way too many of those.
 
Old Dec 19th 2012 | 2:12 am
  #146  
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Default Re: a joke

Santa say's to his Elf "I'm getting sick of this. It's the same old shit every year. Running about like a ***** in this stupid red costume, and at the end of it all, I always end up with nowt."

The Elf says
Spoiler:
"Now you know how Steven Gerrard feels..."


Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."
"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"
"***** off you *****," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

Spoiler:
I love working in the prison canteen

Last edited by DaveLovesDee; Dec 19th 2012 at 2:18 am.
 
Old Dec 19th 2012 | 1:29 pm
  #147  
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Default Re: a joke

Two unemployed Irishman saw a sign that said, "Help Wanted: Tree Fellers." One said to the other one, "We can't take that job. There's only two of us."

I have a Chinese girlfriend. The other night I asked her, "What about a 69?" to which she replied, "F*** off, I don't feel like cooking right now!"
 
Old Dec 20th 2012 | 2:49 am
  #148  
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Default Re: a joke

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty
Not really a joke, but it made me chortle.

British people problems
 
Old Dec 20th 2012 | 3:13 am
  #149  
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Default Re: a joke

I asked my teenage son "Why are your eyes red?" He said "I've been smoking dope, dad." So I punched him right in the mouth - the lying little emo ****er's been crying again!
 
Old Dec 20th 2012 | 3:14 am
  #150  
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Default Re: a joke

How do you make a moderator suffer?

Spoiler:
 


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