Originally Posted by dreadsoc (Post 9724607)

Off the top of my head........

Dowry - usually paid mainly in gold these days I am led to understand!
Arranged marriage being the girls choice
Abortion - often illegal
Domestoic violence
Alcohol abuse
Abuse from in laws

Other than that Bipat I really cannot be bothered with you and your patronising replies. You are just obnoxious and offensive to me. Don't bother to reply - I won't be reading it !

Dread - x

Originally Posted by goanstay (Post 9724491)

And as Noni says, how many of the half a billion have you met.
We comment on what we see and experience. Whilst I am not saying, and have never said, that ALL Indian men are leering and lecherous, but I'm not going to actually insert that in every reply.

Many of the domestic tourists in Goa come here for the cheap beer and to ogle and stare at women in bikinis. They are most open about it and I have seen numerous examples of men standing over prone women, staring open mouthed, taking photographs with their mobiles etc.etc. I have seen men staring at my wife, whilst playing with himself until I went behind and poured a bottle of water over him:rofl:.

She has been molested on a number of occasions by out of state people, when on her own . She has frequently been asked outright "Do you want have a little sex with me" when walking along the streets even when she was with me. Most of these men ended up with a bloody nose

There was one occasion, in Gujarat it must be said, where someone came behind and sexually molested her until she swung round and kicked him in the goolies. No I'm not saying that is general behaviour but it happens.

In a forum like this you can probably see why we (and many restaurant owners) do not like domestic tourists. Personally I try to avoid the beaches on a weekend and during public holidays. I am here 8 months of the year so missing a day or so to avoid having to go through the harassment is of no consequence. It is the people who come here for two weeks that I feel sorry for.



I think you are mistaken and seem to have a chip on your shoulder, and almost undertake reverse racism. Why do you take any criticism of India or indians as being us criticising the whole of India and indian people?????

This is a British Expats forum. Most of on here love India and it's culture - after all that's why we are here. We love the friendliness of the Goan (and Indian) people and that in general it is a safe place to be. I integrate well within the local community and could not imagine a nicer place to be, BUT I will stand up and criticise attitudes and behaviours (even within that community) as I cannot bury my head in the sand (I find it difficult to breathe):p. If I see practices which are abhorrent or distasteful I will speak out, and using this forum is a good way to ensure other brits are aware as well.

Originally Posted by dreadsoc (Post 9724607)

Off the top of my head........

Dowry - usually paid mainly in gold these days I am led to understand!
Arranged marriage being the girls choice
Abortion - often illegal
Domestoic violence
Alcohol abuse
Abuse from in laws

Other than that Bipat I really cannot be bothered with you and your patronising replies. You are just obnoxious and offensive to me. Don't bother to reply - I won't be reading it !

Dread - x

Originally Posted by msj5 (Post 9725340)

I didn`t actually realise what the dowry was about until a few weeks back when i read it the paper!!

It wasn`t meant to be about the gain of the in-laws it was meant to finance the wife and give her an income...sadly its not seen like that anymore!

Originally Posted by dreadsoc (Post 9725403)

I always thought the same before I started going to India - but talking to both males and females it seems that the dowry is paid to the in laws and the man - although I am sure that this is not the case in every marriage and that in many cases the dowry does stay to the bride (I hope so anyway).

A BE members daughters married a young Indian man (I think he was Punjabi). They married for love and no dowry was given. His family treated her as the lowest of the low because of this. She was forced to sleep on the floor and be like a servant to the in laws. Also she was forced to keep away from her own family and put under pressure to go with them to Punjab. It was a very frightening time for her mum.
And the husbands mother visited the Goan home of the girls mum and started pointing to all things she liked the look of and almost demanding that she be given them....rather rude if you ask me!
Thankfully this member's daughter refused to go to the Punjab, is now safely back in the UK and doing very nicely thank you.

Dread - x

Originally Posted by noni (Post 9725554)

Glad to hear she is safely back in UK. A lovely girl, and her mum.
Dread has only told you the outline of the story Bipat would have a dicky fit if we could put the full story here. Anyway glad things have worked out, and just thankful it was not one of my daughters who had married that indian.

Originally Posted by Bipat (Post 9725895)

Why would I have a "dicky fit" Noni? I have said again and again and 10 times again that the sensational posts you like to put on this thread DO happen. I Know that they happen. How else can I convey this. All I protest about is the generalisation that all are like this attitude.

Something that you do not post about is the awful treatment some of the elderly get from their sons/daughters or inlaws. I have seen this happen, but also seen the absolutely devoted care many give their elders. These things are human nature, there is bad and good.
As to dowry it has really always been what the bride brings to the marriage, it should be for 'The marriage' but was open to abuse by some too many in fact, so was made illegal. As you point out it still goes on. I don't know the extent, as our community has never had a dowry system, one point it makes our boys popular with other communities. Other groups also do not ask for a dowry. For the very poor the expense of producing an acceptable wedding ceremony and celebration takes all their savings and with many daughters the strain and worry is terrible.

Originally Posted by k800mer (Post 9726025)

I agree that people should not generalize but it is sometimes difficult not to. Who decides what is an acceptable wedding ceremony and celebration and why should poor people have to use any savings they have to pay for these things. It's as bad as having to pay a dowry.

Originally Posted by k800mer (Post 9726025)

I agree that people should not generalize but it is sometimes difficult not to. Who decides what is an acceptable wedding ceremony and celebration and why should poor people have to use any savings they have to pay for these things. It's as bad as having to pay a dowry.

Originally Posted by Bipat (Post 9726082)

Could I dare to say again that the frequent posts concerning only the bad things that happen in India will of course give the impression that these are general. It may be a personal experience but we can all think about a wider picture particularly with a country as large and varied as India.

Wedding expenses are a fashion/accepted thing parents are ashamed if they cannot 'keep up with the Jones'. Many start saving from the birth of the daughter.


It certainly happens in UK people spend £ thousands on weddings. (Have you seen wedding magazines, tempting young girls to want more and more?) It has become really big business (as it also has in India for the wealthy).

We are attending a wedding at Christmas in Pune. In March when we were there the groom's father was already stressed and worrying about where to accommodate all his guests. (and that's the groom). In my opinion so much money is wasted on these affairs in both countries.

But---- our married daughter had 2 weddings one in India one in UK (and it was marvellous and worth every penny).

Originally Posted by Bipat (Post 9726082)

Could I dare to say again that the frequent posts concerning only the bad things that happen in India will of course give the impression that these are general. It may be a personal experience but we can all think about a wider picture particularly with a country as large and varied as India.

Wedding expenses are a fashion/accepted thing parents are ashamed if they cannot 'keep up with the Jones'. Many start saving from the birth of the daughter.


It certainly happens in UK people spend £ thousands on weddings. (Have you seen wedding magazines, tempting young girls to want more and more?) It has become really big business (as it also has in India for the wealthy).

We are attending a wedding at Christmas in Pune. In March when we were there the groom's father was already stressed and worrying about where to accommodate all his guests. (and that's the groom). In my opinion so much money is wasted on these affairs in both countries.

But---- our married daughter had 2 weddings one in India one in UK (and it was marvellous and worth every penny).

Originally Posted by noni (Post 9726132)

In our village there are two designer wedding dress shops. My grand daughter is always looking at the sparkly dresses in the window all well over a grand. Thank God I have done my bit for my two daughters, to-days prices well !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! remind me everybody, in years to come if she gets married to keep my hand in my pocket, and only give her money towards a house. :rolleyes:

Originally Posted by Heidigirl (Post 9726824)

I often wonder if some people really want a wedding or a marriage.

I got married in the local registry office, bought my suit from Dorothy Perkins and went to the pub later with family for a quiet drink. Next year will be our 25th anniversary and we are happier than the day we married.