The joke thread
Apr 9th 2009 | 5:47 pm
#166
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,319
Re: The joke thread
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, she threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk.
They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".
Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy."
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".
Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy."
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
Apr 12th 2009 | 10:28 pm
#167
Thread Starter
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,830
From: UK
Re: The joke thread
There's this guy and one day, when he's pissing, he notices that his penis is orange. He goes, "What the hell?" and he went to the doctor the next day. "Doc, why's my penis orange?" he asks. The doctor goes, "Hmm. Never seen anything like it. Here, take a couple of these pills and come back here tomorrow."
So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.
The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?"
The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time."
So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?"
The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes."
So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.
The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?"
The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time."
So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?"
The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes."
Apr 12th 2009 | 10:31 pm
#168
Thread Starter
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,830
From: UK
Re: The joke thread
There's this guy and one day, when he's pissing, he notices that his penis is orange. He goes, "What the hell?" and he went to the doctor the next day. "Doc, why's my penis orange?" he asks. The doctor goes, "Hmm. Never seen anything like it. Here, take a couple of these pills and come back here tomorrow."
So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.
The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?"
The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time."
So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?"
The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes."
So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.
The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?"
The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time."
So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?"
The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes."
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, she threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk.
They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".
Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy."
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".
Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy."
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
Apr 14th 2009 | 4:42 am
#169
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,280
From: Inverkeithing ,Scotland.
Re: The joke thread
why cant owls go courting in the rain?
Cause its too wet to woo.
Cause its too wet to woo.
Apr 14th 2009 | 4:57 am
#170
Logical & Hot Stuff
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19,815
From: Ontario's Armpit
Apr 14th 2009 | 5:05 am
#171
Snickle Hubble-Sprinkles
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 730
From: Out on a limb
Re: The joke thread
OK, here goes
Why did the owl howl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her...
I'll get me coat.
Why did the owl howl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her...
I'll get me coat.
Apr 14th 2009 | 5:06 am
#172
Logical & Hot Stuff
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19,815
From: Ontario's Armpit
Apr 14th 2009 | 5:28 am
#173
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,280
From: Inverkeithing ,Scotland.
Re: The joke thread
Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from jail?
He was a small medium at large.
He was a small medium at large.
Apr 14th 2009 | 5:42 am
#174
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,423
From: 9 years in the canadian trucking industry... Niverville MB
Re: The joke thread
To be handed out due to the last 3 "Jokes"
Apr 15th 2009 | 3:11 am
#175
Pea Brain
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 6,005
From: TBD
Re: The joke thread
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I am trying to examine you!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I am trying to examine you!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Apr 15th 2009 | 4:46 am
#176
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,423
From: 9 years in the canadian trucking industry... Niverville MB
Re: The joke thread
One hot summers day driving across the Trans Canada i saw a Native canadain sat next to his car eating an ice cream whilst smoke and steam billowed from the front of his vehical. Being the helpful trucker i am, i stopped and offerd assistance, i got him to pop the hood and stuck my head into the engine compartment,he continued to make a mess of eating his ice cream. it took all of 20 secs to find the cause, so i said to him " blown a seal, pal" he replied " honestly no, ive just eaten an ice cream"
Apr 15th 2009 | 5:05 am
#177
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40,070
From: Ontario
Re: The joke thread
frappe ! frappe !
qui est la ?
l'Austie
l'Austie qui ?
exactement...
qui est la ?
l'Austie
l'Austie qui ?
exactement...
Apr 15th 2009 | 5:10 am
#178
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,423
From: 9 years in the canadian trucking industry... Niverville MB
Re: The joke thread
Ein fluggast zu sein nachbar," warum haben wir schwimmveste unter die sitz,wann wir uber die Alpen fliegen ?? ein eispick wer sicher besser"
Apr 15th 2009 | 10:38 am
#179
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,866
From: Cochrane, Alberta
