Prince Charles is driving through the countryside when he runs over a hedgehog. He stops his car, gets out, and tries to save the poor animal - but the hedgehog was crushed beyond recognition.

Just then a genie arrives and says he will grant Charlie one wish. Charles says "Please make this little hedgehog better".

The genie says, "Its impossible to do , he's squashed and in pieces. Wish for something else".

Charles thinks for a moment then says, "Ok then, my wife Camilla is . . well . . not the most pleasing on the eye. Could you make her beautiful?

The genie replied, "Let me look at that hedgehog again".

Lat time I heard that it was George W Bush.

Adaptability, it's a comedian's best friend. They're all at it.

Guess, the next president's going to be lumbered with it as well.

Actually no, the joke using George Bush worked because he was as thick as two short planks, Obama on the other hand doesn't come across as quite so stupid.

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the @rsehole - and they are interchangeable.'

Ho ho

Redneck word of the day - "Omelet" - Omelet Bubba have my next to the last beer...but that last ones mine!

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

Love it!!!

My son passed out at a house party the other night and we thought it'd be funny to shave his eyebrows off and paint a big cok on his forehead. The wife went ******g ballistic when she looked in the cot.

If a redneck dies, and then comes back to life, is that reintarnation?

An Australian walks out of a bar.

A dyslexic Australian walks out of a bra?

BB

Dyslexic devil worshipper....sold his soul to Santa.