Happy New Year to all!

Subject: Vacation love story

A romantic vacation love story!

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm,
full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking `no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say ...

"Okay, ma'am, all done."

My eyes snapped open and he was standing in front of me, smiling, holding out my purse.
"You can board your flight now."

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...

The Australian Cricket Team

I'll not be able to keep a straight face thru security again!

And Happy New Year to you all.

In a similar vein:

Arsenals defending from set pieces

*”˜˜”*°•.¸� ★ � ¸.•°*”˜˜”*� �•.¸�
╔╗╔╦══╠¦â•â•¦â•â•¦â•—â•”â� �— ★ ★ ★
║╚╝║══â•� ��═║═║╚╝â� �‘ â˜� ¸.•°*”˜˜”*Â� �•.¸â˜�
║╔╗║╔╗⠕‘╔╣╔╩╗â•� ��╝ ★ NEW YEAR â˜� 2011
╚╝╚╩╝╚╩� �•â•šâ•â•â•šâ• ♥￥â˜� ★â˜� ★â˜� ï ¿¥â™¥ ★â˜�


Just making sure I don't lose this thread

Never read the 2010 thread so this is probably an old one but.........

Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are engaged in a fight to the death on some star in a galaxy far far away when suddenly Darth says:-

"Luke, stop stop....I know what you are getting for Christmas!"

Luke astonished at this sudden interuption to the fight to the death says:

" What? How can you possibly know that?"

Darth responds: "I have felt your presence"!


Boom Boom!

You can't possibly have any more jokes!!!

Paddy runs into the bar. 'Mick!! Someones nicked your car!' Mick replied 'Did u see who did it?' Paddy says 'No, but i got the registration.'

Oh I'm sure I may find one or two this year......

And to you and yours

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, For I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.

3. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's' newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11 If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put It back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is some thing you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.

Needs sound

Hi Jack.wmv

A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill


The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.

It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow

and you usually only have 24 hours to live.

There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.

Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.

Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,

'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.

You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'

'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 .'

'F*** me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!