Guy at Post office for a job. Any allergies? He says "Coffee" "Have you been in the military?" "Yes & I lost my testicles when a bomb exploded." "Okay You're hired. Hrs are 8am to 4. You start tomorrow at 10am. Guy asks "If the hrs are 8 to 4, why don't you want me here til 10?" "This is a government job. The first 2 hours we stand around drinking coffee & scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.

Was it you that stole Bob Monkhouse's joke book then?

What's 30 ft long and smells of urine?

Line dancing at a nursing home.

A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up and down and nipples sticking out in the cold.
His colleagues have now kicked his bloody head in.

They have been sent to me, and anyway who gives a flying ****?

Did you hear about the two blondes
who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

The title of the thread is?
................The joke obviously went over your head

A guy was driving down a motorway in England with his blonde girlfriend and she piped up,

"I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales".

"Why do you think that ?" he said.

"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says

"stit ruoy su wohs".

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West
African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the
Black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and
On the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
Penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower,
His wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
String-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string
And a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little
Tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad
hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the
tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started
blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
harder, & still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

I needed to sit down the other day, so I asked a lady if I could use one of the steps leading to her house.

You should have seen the vacant stare I was offered back.

I had to split up with my blonde girlfriend, as she's cost me a bit of money.

She came round to my house yesterday, and offered to tidy up while I was at work.

I arrived home later and she said, "there, all tidy. I came across some out of date food, which I threw out. And I can't believe you had a 60 year old bottle of whisky there, that had to go."