Ohh, yes! fish 'n' chips! I fantasize over those lol!

Sorry to jump in on this discussion but I am wondering if anyone else feels between a rock and a hard place as far as fitting in socially back home?

All my life I didn't feel that I fitted in in the UK - I felt that it was hard to really get close to people, I would have to arrange to see friends 2 weeks in advance and so on. I spent 4 years in Ireland and then 7 years in the UK (unfortunately in what was chav city) and then moved to Israel 6 years ago with my 2 children. After a year here, my daughter decided it was too much and returned to live with her father. My son wanted to stay at that point so here I was. Anyway I love my life here in terms of friendships, community, closeness to people, the sunshine and so on. But I haven't really succeeded at learning Hebrew and so I am limited to the Anglo community here - I have about 4sq miles of community where I live and fit in, and a job where I work from home in English, and beyond that I would be lost. I can't get ahead financially at all - it is impossible to buy an apartment - a small dingy apartment with 3 small bedrooms and a balcony would cost about £350,000 and you have to put a 30-40% deposit down. I don't have much pension behind me and as there is no help with housing costs here, if I haven't bought and paid off an apartment by the time I retire, I will be on the streets as I won't be able to afford the rents on a pension. And the thought of ending up in a care home here being cared for by people I can't communicate with is scary (although I guess that could be the same in the UK)
Anyway I can't take being away from my daughter who is now 18, and my son now wants to return to the UK at some point anyway, so we are taking the plunge and moving back this summer so he can do his GCSE's there. We are going to Cambridgeshire which is where my daughter lives and she will initially be with me 50/50 and we will take it from there.
I feel in my heart this is the right decision - even if I come back to Israel in the future, returning to the UK and spending this time doing what is best for my kids is the right thing now.

When I am back in the UK it is so nice to be able to speak British English and make jokes with shop assistants, people at the bus stop and so on...but I don't know how it is going to be beyond that - people are so reserved there. Example, if I was returning here, my friends would all be over the moon and saying how much they were looking forward to having me back and inviting me to stay with them or to come for a meal. In the UK, I have just got a few stiff 'Well, I wish you all the best and don't worry I am sure you will soon make new friends where you are going to' type responses. In the UK, I always feel that whilst I can joke around with people, I can't get below the surface. I have always been friendly and open (probably why I get on with my friends here as they are mainly American) but remember being friendly and open in the UK and people taking a step back - example: with my ex-husband, seeing the same couple week in week out at a community event, chatting to them week in and week out, then one day we suggested getting together for a coffee or drink one time - and they stepped back and looked uncomfortable as if we had just suggested something really inappropriate!

So anyway I feel like even though the UK is in a bad way financially, I can get further ahead there as I understand the system and so on, and it is home, but it is a home I still have reservations about and wonder how life is going to be there. After living somewhere where I meet with friends several times a week and we get together for meals at the weekend, it is going to be hard back in the UK. And then there is the weather...I get awful S.A.D. so the first thing I am going to do when I get there is put a lightbox in every room ;-)

I am just wondering if other people here feel the same way and suggestions on how to deal with it? Maybe there is some secret to a good social life in the UK that I somehow missed whilst growing up in SE London?!

This is the reason I am moving back.Only been in Canada 5 months, but the state of my son and the threat of medication has made my decision for me(He has already started to get back to his normal self just knowing that we are going back).I also cant wait to get back to my life that I loved more than I had realised.It makes sense to go back now while the ties are still strong.
OH is very unsure,worrying about finances and is it where we want to go back to.For me its about connections you have made throughout your life and where you feel happiest,not being able to say I live in another country and have money coming out of my ears.So flights booked and heading back.

Good for you,im right behind you.Land January 8th.

You are right! I too have a big car, big house and money to spend.BUT, son is miserable (12 yrs) and husband hates the cold and the commute(we are in Canada).I dont see the point if all we have is material things.Miss having coffee with friends and family, walking on the beach, moors and country side,sense of humour, music and good gigs etc,I could go on and on.
Its the UK, its one of a kind and I think we should all appreciate it more, dare I say it become patriotic.

Just realised what song you have under your name.Since making my decision(about 3 weeks ago) I cant get that song out of my head.

I'm coming home I've done my time.

For all those in the process of deciding, go with your heart,follow what you feel, and you wont go far wrong.

Are you originally born and raised in the uK? Maybe you had the wrong friends ): I love my friends in the UK whenever i go back I stay at their houses for weeks they drive me around we go out for dinners or just stay in with the kids they make me feel part of the family.. I hope that all works out for you and you finally feel at home somewhere i too know what its like to feel lost...

Good for you... and your son.. Moving to the States at 12 years old and moving everywhere really has left me very unsettled still 20 years later.. always nervous never fully fitting in having to dull myself down so people get my sence of humor.. I am so happy i finally decided to go home, i had a nice life in the U.S but miss the substance and people and the home feeling of the the UK i cant wait .. Good Luck!

You could be right - thinking about it, it was fine when I was in my teens and twenties, and living all over London, then when I moved to SW Ireland I felt a bit out of it for 4 years (close knit communities), and then I moved to Leicester for 7 years and was running around after 2 small children whilst working flat out to get my nurse training - then I came here and had no problems with friends. So maybe it had more to do with what was actually going on in those Leicester years, and since a lot of my friends were nurses i.e. working shifts it would have made a social life rather difficult anyway!

I am less worried now :-) I just need to stop fretting and book my ticket home :-)

I have definitely had the opposite experience - my old friends in the UK are still there for us whenever we need them even though we've been gone 21 years, but I have found making real friends here next to impossible. I don't think it's Americans - I think it's me. I somehow can't relate to them in the same way I can to English people. I can't wait to get back and be around my friends again.

Good luck with your move!

good, you will be fine darlin' the ones that matter will still be your friends and you will def meet people with your kids through schools and things so dont worry about that, we all have to start over and meet new people at somepoint its not always easy but you will do just fine sweet heart..

LOL - yesterday morning I was stressed about going back - this morning I was stressed because I just want to be already out of here and back home in sunny England!



Long deep breath...in through the nose, out through the mouth....chill!

Thanks everyone who replied!

I think you probably helped yourself more by writing it all out on here, it's kind of like therapy.

Don't worry lots of us are scared on here, hence this thread LOL!!

don't worry, you're not the only one!
you know, we might be the only ones we know who didn't make money in the property boom,(infact, as still stuck in negative equity with a flat we can't sell in london, for less that we bought it in 2003) who doesn't have their own house or a brass razoo to rub together really, but you know what...we have had an extraordinary life, even though financially we have no status, and i would much prefer that to being one of my friends that have their boring housing in a boring suburb, paid off by their boring job,and their boring spouse, and living their boring life out in the same boring place till they die.
at least we have taken risks, seen things that they have not seen, and pursued things they have never even imagined...you only have one life!

Me, too. I just turned 58 and I am in a similar situation. Good grief, with the way the housing market has bottomed in the USA, I think most people are.