MissBetty

Yes its pretty hideous, how long did it take you to recover? Despite my precautions I have a massive mozzie bite on my L hand atm - trying not to scratch! - the last thing I need now is to get sick!!!

The working week is over and I'm camped out at Gay Boss' house today as I'm house sitting, fly out Sun to the Goldie Such a crappy week!!! Got here late last night, had some vino and then spotted the pool - hurrah! Realised I'd forgotten my cossie (damn it) so went in au natural - am hoping the garden is a secure as I think it is otherwise I may well have already flashed me bits at the neighbours!!!

Ooh bit of news re the impeding return! Got an e-mail this morning to say that the ship carrying all my worldly possessions docks in the UK March 29th and then my stuff will all be released a few days later - yay!!!! However the shipping company have said in the e-mail that I have to provide a letter to Customs explaining why my goods have been shipped back before I intend to arrive in May or else they won't release my goods to my Mum - wtf?!!!

Therefore I am busily drafting a letter as follows:-

Dear Customs

I intend to arrive in the UK on May 28th and I shipped my stuff from Australia in December because:-

I am very well organised

It seemed like a smart thing to do

I have conned my family into unpacking for me

I am female (see above reasons)

Please release my goods immediately. If my Jimmy Choos are not lined up in my wardrobe upon my return there will be hell to pay. I know where your office is. Don't make me come down there.

Have a nice day!

Miss Betty

Have a great weekend everyone!

vikingsail

Thats just too organized for me Here I am facing a 4 week process. I am anticipating being back by April 10th at the latest. Seems like a bit of a whirlwind right now, should be able to do it but all very fast hellllppp!

Snap Shot

[QUOTE=MissBetty;10590752]shipped back before I intend to arrive in May or else they won't release my goods to my Mum - wtf?!!!

Therefore I am busily drafting a letter as follows:-

Dear Customs

I intend to arrive in the UK on May 28th and I shipped my stuff from Australia in December because:-

I am very well organised

It seemed like a smart thing to do

I have conned my family into unpacking for me

I am female (see above reasons)

Please release my goods immediately. If my Jimmy Choos are not lined up in my wardrobe upon my return there will be hell to pay. I know where your office is. Don't make me come down there.

Have a nice day! /QUOTE]

Fantastic ! You are brilliant ! I love your posts they either make me smile, smirk or laugh.

Hope your bug bite heals. Would putting some ice on it help to calm the itching ? Could you pop round to your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer for something ? Those either inside and outside of the medical profession ?

Hope you have a nice holiday after your house sitting stint.

kampaicharger

LMFAO coz I work for Customs down here in the capital of Australia, ergo:

Dear Miss Betty,

We note with interest your attempt to smuggle goods into the UK by using a mule in disguise (yer mum) and advise that we shall be waiting with open arms and open jail cell.

Tell yer mum, I will be meeting her meself (I'll be the bloke swinging a pair of handcuffs) and don't worry, three square meals a day with a cuppa tea every hour.

Regards

HMG

kampaicharger

p.s: Jimmy CHOO? is 'e the bloke wot runs the Chinese take-away in Woking?

MissBetty

Dear HMG

Thank you for your correspondence. You sound rather fierce however I feel I must warn you that you are no match for my Mum - she will eat you for breakfast.

Kind regards


Miss Betty

MissBetty

No that's his first cousin Jimmy CHOW - he does an excellent special fried rice with chicken in black bean sauce

MissBetty

Wow that's quicker than anticipated, get your skates on lol! Don't worry re being organised - you are a bloke and therefore will never have anywhere near as many pairs of shoes as I do - its a chick thing lol!

MissBetty

[QUOTE=Snap Shot;10590799] Ha ha ha! Thanks - my posts are always happier and more positive on days off for some (ahem!) strange reason!

I've got this cream I keep dabbing on but oooh I want to scratch soooo much! Thing is up here, due to the climate and everything, one little bite can get infected so quickly and STAF infections are rife so you have to be extra careful damn it!

Yes looking forward to a bit of cooler less sticky weather for a few days. I am off to Mermaid Beach where I used to live, love it there, so many happy memories! I probably won't get the chance to go again before I leave and I'm meeting up with some old friends to say my goodbyes. It will be bittersweet

Perth

Maybe 2 Weeks? Very high fever, hallucinations for the first week...

Loved your letter to customs. Now I dare you to send it

kampaicharger

Dear Miss Betty,

We note your attempt to make threats of physical injury toward HMG by brandishing a concealed weapon (yer mum) and advise that HMG' mum is Welsh, Opiniated, aggravating and well.. "Welsh".

My mum will not only eat your mum for breakfast but will take time out to make me my kippers on toast with a pot of tea. So there!!!

MissBetty

Dear HMG

Thank you for your letter.

I must advise you that my Mum is from East London, tough as old boots, five foot tall and has been described as 'five foot of fury'. Her weapon of choice tends to be an icy stare, followed a yell which chills the blood followed by brandishing a wooden spoon - the best defence is to RUN!!!! Her mother, in turn, is French, also rather intimidating and exceptionally handy with 'le spoon'. Trust me, in a skilled hand, is it a weapon to be feared!

I genuinely feel that if your Mum met my Mum they would immediately become best of friends and would agree on the fact that YOU are very naughty. I shall, of course, hide behind my Mum pointing out to your Mum "He started it!"

I am confident this will result in you being sent to bed with a smacked bum and no dinner while our Mums drink tea, talk about what is wrong with the world today as I sit there smugly eating your kippers on toast.

Kind regards


Miss Betty

kampaicharger

Miss Betty...

Item 1: HMG wishes to advise that an "All Ports" warning message has been relased UK wide advising that a "person or persons of East London appearance" (wild eyed and ranting) may currently be at large within the community and as such should be approached with extreme caution.

Item 2: HMG further advises that after consultations with HMG' mum, that HMG is not a "naughty boy" (sic) but a "lovely young man" and that she would never send me to bed without my supper.

Item 3: HMG advises that HMG' grandmother was a 4 foot 6 Welsh villager who would spit on the floor at the mere mention of "the english" and would throw coal at passing stray dogs and cats.

Item 4: HMG advises that HMG' great grandmother was French and at the mention of the "the english" would mutter "merde!!!!!" repeatedly while spitting garlic juice on the floor (lotsa spitting on the female side of my family).

Despite this, HMG agrees that the aforementioned mothers, gradmothers and great grandmothers would get along famously and would probably all troop down to the local bingo hall whilst leaving the "young un's" to their own devises.

In closing, "keep yer 'ands off me kippers, thanks muchly"

Snap Shot

What do you know about the Chinese bloke in Woking ? Is he related to Jimmy Pong, the cousin with the personal hygiene problem ?

kampaicharger

That's the bloke! he's the half brother of Jimmy Dong, the out of work "adult" movie actor and his nephew Jimmy Bong the dope smoker on the corner.