fraser

But if smacking is the only way that we could stop it surely you are suggesting that.

TiddlyPom

Do you think my kid hasn't done something over and over and over and over and over?

If it's my choice not to smack my child, don't I have to look for another way to do it?

Therefore, would it not be logical to assume I did find another way to do it?

I didn't suggest nor do I now suggest that you let your kids run off a train platform. Don't be bloody stupid.



Smacking quite obviously, was not the only way you could stop it. That's the thing you chose to do. It was your solution. It doesn't mean that there wasn't another!

fraser

Wow, you presume a lot! how the hell would you know that

TMRE

Because you have said smacking is wrong for ANY reason. I had tried all the usually stuff to distract her, it was obviously a novelty to her and she was determined to carry to carry on. It was the only way I got her to stop and used as the last resort.

Can you also just confirm that you regard anyone who smacks their child is from a lower social economic group who bring up thugs. I which case I congratulate you from lifting yourself out of your parents social status.

TiddlyPom

You said you smacked your son to stop him running off a train platform.

You've said in your post above that I am suggesting you should have let him run off the platform... there wasn't another way apart from smacking. That's your quote from this post:
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showp...&postcount=181

Ergo, I have interpreted that you felt the only option you had to stop your son running off the platform was to smack him.

What did I infer wrongly?

TiddlyPom

Well that's fine. It's your child and it's your decision.

I've obviously misrepresented what I mean if you have surmised that. Of course I didn't mean that.

I was talking in regard to the rise of thuggery and *guessing* as you will see from what I wrote, that hitting would be pretty common in that situation.

fraser

This

TiddlyPom

No, I didn't.

I said that there is another alternative. Always. It is not necessary to hit a child to get them to obey you. That's what I said.

I did not say smacking is wrong for any reason. That's what you said.

Each to their own, I say. All I have said is that there is another way, as a parent who has successfully stopped her kids being electrocuted from plug sockets and other things without smacking them and without raising brattish children. It's perfectly possible.

TiddlyPom

That's my opinion, Fraser.

Your opinion was that it WAS the only thing you could do to stop it.

We differ. It's ok.




Right, must get on.

Hope your grass is growing well Fraser. Did you sell your house yet?

Have a good day.

fraser

Exactly so presume a lot, your opinion isn't worth anything as your not in a position to give it as you were neither there or know my kids.

Your opinion is only relevant to your situation surely?

The Grass did grow but it looks rubbish.

The house is off the market, nice to see you back even if you ropinion isn't the same as mine.

BTW I didn't need to smack them the threat was enough, which it wouldn't have been had I not smacked them in the past.

Funky Monkey

Quote, "The 'it doesn't do any harm' line is often bandied about by people who smack their kids. I bet people who smack their kids have never even asked how smacking makes their kids feel. I imagine even a 2 year old could fully articulate that".

You are right with the "it doesn't do any harm" line being banded about by people who smack their kids.

It is also true "smacking does children harm" is often banded about by people who do not smack their children. I know how a child feels when smacked because as I said I was smacked, it hurts for a while and then you forget about it but you know you crossed a line and hence you knew right from wrong, only my opinion but that is how it was for me.
My Dad is one of my best friends and I was never scared of him and neither are my 2 boys because I have asked them.

I hope we didn't offend each other at any point and I think we will just have to leave this one as a differnce of opinion or it will go on forever - thanks FM

SarahJane2007

This thread has gone miles off track but as a parent has made interesting reading.
I myself have 4 children, I have on occasion smacked (hand/bum) but usually felt that I had lost control after the event and guilty that I had done it, I was smacked (not beaten) as a child...and I'm afraid to say it didnt do me any harm...I knew ultimately that bad actions on my part would bring bad (a smack) punishment from my parents and made me realise consequences. I run a reward sytem at home for my children, I do not have biscuits,sweets or chocolate in the house (it may seem harsh and people have conveyed that to me) but if my children behave well or achieve something good at home/school then they can choose a reward...chocolate. I never ever buy sweets for my children as I know from experience that they make them bahave inappropiately, the sugar/colours send them completely hyper and I have trouble communicating with them for about 1 hour and I have observed this on many occasions. I am also of the opinion that most children only act "naughty" because they are 'high' on sugar/e numbers and are not being 'naughty' at all. But as I say thats just my opinion. Anyhow what I do works for me and my family but may not work for others.

alipally

My boys are big now, when they were pre school and too young to reason with... then if discipline was needed they sometimes had a smack, sometimes they got sent to the naughty step...
As they grew, I realised that the time out was much more effective as a tool for discipline... by the time they were 7, I only had to look at them and the knew they were pushing the boundaries.... On one occasion my eldest son was reduced to tears by one of my looks! ... (he wanted to watch power rangers and misbehaving would have meant missing it!)

Even now, I still use the 'look' now and they shut up and walk away!!! No matter what it is that they were arguing about! because they know that another sentence will result in sanctions!
The usual are ... early cerfew, removal of electronic devices... playstation, mobile phone, etc. and, possibly the worst thing I can inflict on them... fines!!!
Hit kids in the pocket, we all understand that! Getting a detention at school costs £6 a pop now!

SarahJane2007

Yes that is another method we use if they do overstep the boundries....we take something away or even been known to completely bin a toy if they had behaved badly. They remember that far longer than the smack (but that also suggests that smacking...not beatnig does not have long term phycological effects because it is forgotten)

TMRE

Yes they are MY children, thats my point. TWICE I have had to smack them to stop them from getting really hurt. One is 12 the other is nearly 2, once each in their lives, thats it not over and over again, just because they put their shoes in the wrong place or wouldn't turn of the telly. Yes your kids probably have done things over and over and fortunatly you have managed to get them to stop without needing to smack them. If I had beaten them then thats a different story.

We as parents bring our children up differently, but most hope to achieve the same goal of healthy, happy children. From comments I have had from family, friends and even strangers both of my girls seem to be doing quite well in that respect. They are not downtrodden, intimidated, scared, neglected girls even though they have received a smack each.