Two phones. That was an extravagance for us . When we moved house my dad ran an extension box from the kitchen socket to their bedroom. Very high-tech - a wire ran up the stairs, over the door frame for a cupboard, then into their room.

I did like the 'decapitations were commonplace' bit - that gave me a great mental image of people getting clothes-lined by phone cords

It made me laugh remembering it. As I recall, there was a surprising amount of violence and general bloodshed on those stairs.

People in the gym who think the purpose of the gym is to make loud calls while waving their arms about in emphasis even though the other person can't see them.

People in the gym.

People.

As any self-respecting household should be

One time, hilariously, my mum tried to stab me with a car key on our stairs. I'm sure all I did was question her mental state. I may have called her a dozy old bint as well though, to be fair.

Never drew blood though, but looking back it was funny to think she thought that would have been effective ...

Condensed, and efficient

On the rare occasions I went to the gym, I always did it late at night when I was the only one there. It's the only way to do it.

This.

People in the gym who talk on their cell phones so ****ing loud that no matter how loud I turn up my music I can still hear them. And no matter how much of a production I make of sighing, rolling my eyes, and elaborately and dramatically turning my music up AGAIN, they keep right on going.

Are you sure you're not really British because that is an exemplary response to such a situation ...

But you're right, they're twats and can only effectively be dealt with by throwing things at them.

One handy thing about the long phone cord was that, if you needed to beat somebody who was coming up the stairs with the phone, you never had to worry about if it would reach.

Barnes & Noble is the ideal place to sit and have an extended, extremely loud session of public family dirty-laundry-washing on the phone, it would seem.

And it's easily retrievable if you want to lob it at someone's head. A convenience you just don't get with cordless phones.

This particular woman went on for at least 20 minutes about a garage sale that the person on the other end of the phone was having. A GARAGE SALE THAT SOMEBODY ELSE WAS HAVING. I wonder if these people are like swimming sharks and they know that if they stop talking on their cell phones they'll die.

I wonder how many of them know how close to death they may have come while talking on their cell phones.

At first I thought you had hacked Hotscot's BE account. ..... Then I realised he mentioned a gym in his post.

There are people who think putting sugar in tea is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do.