How about -

A scouser goes into a hosiery shop, and asks the assistant for some tights for the wife.

Certainly, says the assistant, "What is your head size?"

Steve

oh steve and pat.I was going to try that for the job in hand . but as I could not afford tights I used my wifes desighner knickers.the shop assistant at the robbery reconised them as he had imported the exlusive desighner kncikers for his lover,However I was out in 3 months.all is well that ends well.my wife said.ahh a change is good as a rest.

Everytime someone posts any bad news or their concerns on this thread a few posters try to mussy the waters with jokes, photos...I can feel an Indian meal coming on

Ssshhh. ;-))

Sue, Ayamonte will have paid parking zones (see blue lines painted on the streets and parking automats). I think it will be starting on Oct.20th. If you get your hands on the new copy of The Oracle, I´m sure they´ll explain the new system.

well anything is welcome even if it just stops you worrying for 5 mins.look you have just proved the point.now your going for a indian and a few drinks so you can forget the worrys and the bad news for at least a night.times are bad for nearly every one at the moment.we all cant help worrying but worrying dosnt solve the problems.so switch off and go out and enjoy your indian and your night out.

Hi Graham U.K. Blue Disabled Badge is accepted.We have just returned from CE and you do not pay to park .Pay and Display comes into force when you park within blue/orange/green lines.

I am also buying in Phase 2 of Albatros Golf and would like to hear from any other potential buyers out there. I visited last end July 2008 and have fairly detailed photos if anyone is interested.

GOLD_GIRL if you read this b4 you visit please pm me as a couple of things worth checking that I noted.

Morning!

My questions for the day are:

do the spanish celebrate Halloween?
if yes, does anyone know of anything going on in and around Ayamonte that we could take our 5-year old to?

Ta!
Sharon

OK I dont normally post jokes - but here are 3...

PS I am a great fan of Liverpool and the north west - these are just for a laugh....


An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a
pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.


After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.


He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone.
It's a miracle!'


Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'

.
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.


'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got One in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The
Salary package is £200,000 a year'.

The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.

It later turned out to be a tax disc

They arnt jokes.They are the truth told in a funny way.
and we got the capital of culture.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LIVERPOOL TOO LONG...

1. You have an urge to steal
2. You think Brookside is a 'glamorous' soap
3. You think Hollyoaks is 'posh'
4. You keep going on about how great Liverpool and Scousers are
5. You often wonder why so many Scousers leave Liverpool and never come back.
6. To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
7. You start to cry when you hear 'Ferry cross the Mersey'
8. You think that Albert Dock is 'for the tourists'. What tourists?
9. You think anyone from Liverpool has a great sense of humour.
10. You often wonder why you don't hear of many Scouse comedians any more

Ray

Yes thats why they give us billions of spondulys and made us the capitol of cultue.and we all get our dole and you lot pay for it

Page 17 the latest oricale.All the info is there for you.

thanks

It's now 15 mins later and I can't get the online version ... anyone help me out, please with what's on p17?