Easterndawn

Hi Everyone,

Well went for interview I think it went okay but will not know anything until next week. Not having one of my best days today, not sure if it is the remanents of jet lag or just an off day. I have appointment with Dr's office this afternoon and then nothing really to do. I think that is most of my problem, I am not used to doing nothing. Really want to get on this job thing but most employers wont even talk to you unless you have NIC or at least the number, very fustrating.

Today is one of those days where I wonder if I will ever see my husband again or will I become one of those people wandering the streets with no home. I feel like a fish out of water right now, really, really missing my husband as we even if I was having bad day I knew that I would see him at the end of working day. Wondering if this was a bad decision on my part, even though I know it was something I had to do. You know how they say you can be lonely in a crowded room, well nothing is so true. Was in coffee shop this am, and thought please someone sit with me and talk to me, how sad is that.

I hope that I can work my way through this as it really sucks. I am wondering are these feeling normal? Maybe someone out there can enlighten me. Sorry for blasting away, but just seems that all I can do this pm is cry, don't want my hubby to see me this way so better get my shit together. Thanks for given me a place to vent. Will be back on later

Elvira

Sorry if you have already mentioned this, but have you actually been to a Job Center and asked them to look up your NIC (or phone Newcastle to get it)?

Even if you have, it may be worth going back as some officials are more helpful than others!

Easterndawn

Yes, did that when I spoke with the interview place in Glasgow, even had them look up under my maiden name as I thought this might be the problem. As I was only 13 when I came i guess that is the problem.

Jerseygirl

I'm sorry you're having a bad day but you are bound to have days like this...so prepare yourself. Not only have you moved to a country you've not lived in for decades...you've moved alone leaving your sick husband thousands of miles away. On top of that you're staying with a friend, are jobless and have all sorts of red tape and hoops to jump through. You've left 75% or more of you in Canada...no wonder you don't feel 100%. You're experiencing a major trauma in your life...even if it was something you were looking forward.

It will get better...so try to stay positive and look forward. I take St John's Wort when life gets on top of me...but if you take meds you should check with your doctor. Of course you can always come on here for a little company. Chin up now girl and give us a big smile.

callé

Easterndawn, this is all completely normal. I cried some days as I knew it was right for me, but cried as it was tough at first and I wondered if I did best for my family? It will all come together, and you shall feel so much better when your husband and dogs arrive. You are doing the really hard bit, to save them from it. Wont you feel really good when you can welcome them and you have some things sorted. You wont become homeless. It will all work. I have sent you a PM.
calle

Boodles

I really empathize with you, I know I would feel the same way, trying to deal with all the new issues without the loving support of my husband to rely on.
It is very easy to say 'just think positive thoughts' but that is impossible all the time and, unrealistic to expect it of yourself. So, what I would do is indulge my misery, wallow in it for a few hours, feel very sorry for myself, cry and moan to anyone who would listen to me. Make yourself a cup of tea, or pour yourself a glass of wine, soak in a nice warm bath, put on your favourite jammies, go to bed and snuggle up to your hot water bottle knowing that this too will soon pass and tomorrow will be a brighter day. And, also, I know your husband is unwell but don't burden yourself with thinking that you have to keep up the pretense that everything is going wonderfully well and that there are no problems...it is OK to share some of the difficulties with him without worrying him too much, afterall, this is his adventure too. Know that our prays are with you. Elizabeth

Fleaflyfloflum

I did what you have done twice in an attempt to get us back to the UK. I left my husband in Sydney to come back to London to start a job. First time i got the job and the first day i started they said i couldnt remain there as it was a high secure military base and i hadnt been back in UK long enough to clear security.
Scond time, my Sydney office offered me a transfer to London office, but one week after arriving i got pnuemonia, was in hospital for sometime and ended up having to fly back to Sydney whilst still very ill because my husband then got ill and was in hospital. It was all a complete nightmare.
Although i had my daughters in UK looking after me, i can totally relate to how you are feeling. I missed him soooo much it hurt, especially lying in hospital knowing i had escaped death by a whisker.
All i can say is hang in there. The first few weeks are the hardest.
Do you have enough spare cash to join something you are interested in for the time being just to get you out and meeting people?

dunroving

You don't even need cash - if you like walking, there are lots of walking groups in the West of Scotland area. You could check out the Ramblers Club to see if there's a branch near you:
http://www.ramblers.org.uk/scotland/

... or Paths to Health organizes led walks that I'm pretty sure are free: http://www.pathsforall.org.uk/pathstohealth/

I've chosen walking because it's something most people can do, it's a low-pressure social situation, and the activity itself makes you feel better. From your posts, it seems you've been doing a lot of walking already, but this way, you'll be in a social group at the same time.

- there's also MeetUp, which will put you in touch with any groups in your area that meet up regularly to pursue an interest (coffee clubs, reading, walking, gardening, photography): http://www.meetup.com/

- as a single person, I can completely identify with the feeling of being alone in a new place. I imagine it's 10 times worse if you are used to typically being with a partner (or dogs!). As others have said, it is to be expected, though knowing that doesn't help much. I think if I didn't have a job (even a job that drives me crazy like this one!) I'd go bonkers not having anything to do. I think not being in your own home makes it much harder too. Hope tomorrow's a better day - but if not, have a rant on here.

[Edit: Although I responded to Flea's post, the advice is intended for Easterndawn - or anyone else!]

trottytrue

I would also look at this from the point of view that even though your husband is miles away you are doing this to give him a better future. As for being alone and no one talking to you, how many times as that happened to us in the country we moved to. I can go into a coffee shop here in the US and not only does not one talk to me but I also feel much more vunerable because I am a foreigner in others peoples country. At least you are home and evenutally you will feel you belong.
Really focus on your top priorities the job and looking for somewhere else to live. You have to realize that things may get worse before they get better you have winter coming on and in Scotland that can be brutal. You said you where going to Church they must have groups that you can join.
Are you willing to move perhaps you will be able to get a better job in another area. Keep your chin up it can be hard work those first few weeks.

cally49

I would have to disagree with this as i have been back to the UK several times on holiday and a couple of those times have ended up at either the doctors or A&E and everytime have only been asked where I am staying which the first time was entered into the computer at the hospital and each time i went back therafter my details were on file I do however have a national insurance number from years ago which may make the difference but i just give my parents address...I have never been charged for treatment, in fact its never been asked if i am resident. Maybe it depends on who you strike at the time.....Cheers Cally

dunroving

Ain't that right! I think when I come back (I mean in the reincarnation sense, not the expat sense), I want to come back as a Scottish dog. They seem to revel in mud and muck and don't notice the fact it's raining horizontally and the thermometer is barely above zero.

dunroving

The NHS will treat tourists who need emergency treatment while on holiday, but their policy is to refuse routine treatment to non-residents. Like any other policy, there will always be exceptions in practice. The fact you were at A&E indicates your treatment was emergency, not routine.

The fact that this is NHS policy can be checked online. Try Googling terms like medical tourists to find various news stories about the NHS trying to prevent freeloaders from coming to the UK with the intention of getting free medical care (quite different from medical care that is needed incidentally to being here on a visit).

Giantaxe

"Routine" was the keyword in dunroving's post. Non-residents are entitled to emergency care.

Having said that, I'm sure a lot of people - particularly ex-pats - "get away" with not paying for non-emergency care they should be paying for. When I was back in the spring, I actually offered to pay when I went to an NHS doctor, and they refused payment!

dunroving

Yep, colleague of mine (US Green Card holder) has been having surgery, dental work, all sorts done on the NHS since 2000 ... and his GP actually knows he is a US resident. So you're right, in practice exceptions do occur.

Elvira

I think the NHS simply isn't set up to issue bills for treatment. Unless it's something really big, it's probably easier for staff to just let it go.

Also, it seems logical that someone who is clearly British would be much less likely to be asked for proof of residency status.