Happy Wanderer

I didn't think you did! But it's late here and I'm not at my brightest at this time of night.

I just like the brainstorming threads, genius appears in the most unlikely places (eg: I was once advised to put a sock on my baby son's willy when I was changing his nappy - it's mad as anything but was a brilliant way of stopping him from peeing into my eyes )

I'm going to bed now as I've got an early start tomorrow, good night all.

kato33

God I wished i had known that one.

Can you imagine how much pee I got with twins.

Boopy

LexyLou,
My friend asked me to post on this forum for her as expected her to get help not a slagging.
You sound like a very bitter unhappy person & are entiltled to your own opinion, but so is everyone else.
My mate is a nurse (G grade in UK), now has a job here her & her hubby are off at weekends, so they do have more family life together.
You need to get the blinkers off & get rid of your tunnel vision. When you ost everything has to be black or white - life is not like that.
I had an Army upbringing and had no choice but boarding school from a young age. My chldhood like many servicemen's families did not suffer from deprivation of parental love. It made me self sufficient to take on the real world. The word is getting tougher, if you molly cuddle your kids, your doing them no favours.
Ask Social services what age they think kids should be treat like adults. I had first hand experience with my daughter. She was not left alone, but got up to no good at school - which a parent never knows at the time. Because I had wouldn't let her out past 8.30pm, she started running away. She got Soc. Serv. involved. They made me feel like a bad mother & told me that I should let her stay out til 10pm like her friends - according to them at 14yrs old your daughter will be classed as a woman.

Just remember caged birds fly high

Maybe if I relented abit, she may not of left home at 15yrs old - & I could not nothing about it. She played the system, moved in with an older friend and partied. She is now a responsible mother & 27 yrs old.

My mate just wants to make sure her son is safe and doing something with his life. She's teaching him good values as a parent, instead of values some parents intall of going on the dole.
I wish you loads of luck with your daughter - with your narrow mindedness you're goin to need it. You may think she'll be safe at school - wake up, they sell drugs at primary school gates, give condoms out & organise TOP if necessary. You will never know what she is up - if you slacken the noose and support her choices, she'll be more likely not to fly the nest so young. But also how else will she learn to be street wise & not be taken for a sucker, peer pressure at school changes the best of angels.

Lexylou

Tell your friend I thank her for getting so offended at MY OPINION,...... I repeat, MY OPINION that a 14 year old should not be left throughout the school holidays unsupervised. I would like to remind you that I am entitled to my opinion. When did I say my daughter would be safe at school? I really think NZ immigration need to do some serious reading English checks on those they let into the country as I never said that so if you are reading it, I am NOT the one with the problem.

My daughter is 2 so slackening the noose is not an option and how dare you suggest that I have my daughter in a noose. She is a bright, happy child, she is full of life and already i support her personality rather than quash it so if you are looking to personally attack someone please look somewhere else.

If you suggest that by supervising my child is to molly cuddle then its hardly surprising that your daughter left at 15. I take the role of being a parent very very seriously. I love my daughter more than anything and I am so proud of the little person she is becoming. I will continue to support, love and offer her every opportunity I can.

I would ask all of you that have taken so personally what I have suggested, that leaving a 14 year old over school holidays unsupervised is not a great idea, why you are so sensitive about it? I don't care what a social services would say, heavens, most have no idea what goes on with the children they are supposed to be looking after/protecting so I would not take anything they say as gospel. I am not blinkered and nor do I live in a fantasy world, I know what life is like thank you. I do not need you to tell me how it is.

I fully expect my daughter will rebel, she has the personality for it, but let me put this to you...... if I do not offer rules or supervision, what do you suggest I do? Let her go out and do what she wants when that time comes? Support that she wants to go out until 3am, take drugs and have sex underage? No I dont think so, thank you very much. I would be failing as a parent if I did that. If you had let your daughter go out from an early age and do what she wanted, do you think she would be the woman she is today? the fact that you had boundaries and rules is maybe the thing that makes her a good mother now. I am young, much younger than you, it was not that long ago I was doing the things my mother would rather I wasn't but I had a good grounding, I had a mother that loved me and tried to offer guidance and I draw on that every day. That fact that I personally do not think a child should be left on its own over the holidays is really my opinion. I am surprised it bothers you so much. Like the other posters tonight, there are a lot different things being assumed about who I am, one has me being rich that doesnt have to work, the other as never having mothers guilt. Its so funny but those that love to point out people being judgemental are often the most judgemental of them all.

Lexylou

and all this fuss and attacking over this simple post. If it were not so funny it would be rather sad. I never attacked personally the mother of this child and I never said anything about her parenting. I just said I wouldn't do it.

Some people take drugs, I don't. Some people like meat, I don't. Some people like vodka, I don't. Some people like NZ, I don't. Some people don't mind leaving their teens, I personally would not. Would it not be sad if we ALL thought the same?

uk+kiwi

Now now , I know you can read. It was a string of questions/thoughts posed for debate, not assumptions as you are well aware.

Not sure whether you're right about the judgemental comment or not. I'm pondering on that. Come to think about it, I don't think anyone is being particularly judgemental (well not meaning to be anyway), it's just that no-one likes it to be implied (through counter opinion) that they are a bad parent because they have to go to work and make certain childcare choices.

Lexy, you're right about the over reaction. I think again it was maybe due to the implied judgemental tone that came across in the writing (that's one of the problems of internet forums!) as opposed to your actual opinion to be honest.

Anyhow, I agree that it takes all sorts to weave the great tapestry of life. I can see that you're a very responsible caring mother, for what it's worth.

Happy Wanderer

It stings as well doesn't it! Mine could pee across a room, in fact when he was being weighed in hospital he sprinkled into another baby's cot.

Ozzidoc

Thought that some of you might like to know that in some parts of Australia, the minimum working age is 14 years old.....14 yrs and 9 months to be exact.

Happy Wanderer

Lex! The thread started with a genuine question asking for ideas - you deviated from this with the nature of your first comment and all hell broke loose with your second. Just take it on the chin and move on.

You can have any opinion you want, and good luck to you! But when you use an aggressive tone and make statements about the way others raise theirs - you're going to evoke an emotional response and you're never going to win. You need balls of steel to even think about criticizing another mother and if you dish it out, you have to take it. You can't suggest that anyone who's methods differ from yours are bad, just as they can't make that assumption about you.

If you had a reasoned argument to make you lost it when you climbed on your soap box and started putting FACT all over the place. It makes it difficult to take you seriously. I for one would have been interested to hear how you manage living in an isolated spot (I think I read that in another thread but may be wrong) and socialize your daughter. Since, I also live in an isolated spot and find socializing my youngest is an issue.

You obviously have a lot to say and I'm sure some of it it worth listening to but don't be so condescending. None of us know that ours is the best way, we just do what we can as different circumstances present themselves. I think in years gone past one of my coping strategies was white wine and giant cookies. Miriam Stoppard would have had a fit, but guess what - I'm a fab mum and don't need validation from anyone. Quite a few people over the years have asked about my older son, for hints and tips etc, because he is such a treasure. All I can say is that you can't programme them like robots, just love them and be prepared to make it up as you go along. I hope to god we don't have to deal with issues like drugs and aids, but kids stand more of a chance if you treat them with some respect and show some faith in the choices they make. I had a friend (single mum) who lived in a caravan, she raised 3 boys, talked to them about sex, brought them condoms etc. She produced 3 amazing men, all with good degrees who have gone on to be good husbands and fathers. ( I really haven't made that up)

Some of the most successful mothers I've ever met have been the ones with nothing - who've used some unorthodox methods. There aren't any guarantees, some of the kids who've gone off the rails have been raised in perfection - you just don't know. There are so many environmental factors that compete and interfere with parenting there are times if feels like a conspiracy.

Some of the the others have been pretty gracious and offered you an olive branch - I think they've been nicer than you deserve given that you don't give an inch and your tone is so aggressive. (maybe not your intent) I suspect you really upset boopy, though I don't know her and could be wrong. But she came onto this very public forum and talked about something hugely painful - which sounds like it still smarts. Perhaps the grown up thing now would be just to agree to disagree - apologize for opening old wounds and move on.

Perhaps there should be a venting thread, a cyber boxing type of therapy that all of the aggression could stay on. It could be a nothing personal, mud slinging thread

Threads like this have the potential to be so useful, especially to those of us who find ourselves out on a limb and don't have access to various support. Or to others who live in the same area as this young lad, and could have also benefited from the positive responses. It's not healthy to sift though pages of acid just to get a few good ideas.

Boopy

Lex,
If you could find the time to look through all my previous threads, you will notice that I have never attacked any posters comments or opinions. And on BE, when the sh*t flies back & forth, I can't be a*sed to get dragged into it.
I posted this thread to help out a mate - it's called supporive networking. It was nothing to do with views on the rights & wrongs of 14 yr olds being left alone.
By the way, my freind hasn't seen the thread, I wont be telling her about the onslaught of insults made towards her parenting skills (this is her youngest child, she has 3 kids, the oldest is 19yrs old and at Uni). I'm quite disgusted at the lack of support from a fellow Brit.

Happy Wanderer

The other fab one was to sit him in a high chair and cover the tray with a mountain of shaving foam

It was utterly brilliant, the worst that could happen was that he would put it in his mouth an not like it!! It kept him quiet for a good 20 minutes whilst it disintegrated and he played himself clean!!!!!!!!!!

Unless I was having a 'blue peter' moment and decided to add some blue or green food colouring.

Avid

The irony!!!





Just to stay on topic, if the lad's willing to work for free I could probably get him work at a stable. Not many cars though...

Shouldn't 14 year old boys lock themselves in their bedrooms all day, listen to The Smiths and play computer games? I know I did.

Still do, for that matter...

Happy Wanderer

Point taken, I sound like my mother.

Boopy

Cheers Avid, I'm sure she woud appreciate anything. Although I'm sure he'd agree with you - all day on games.

kato33

I should try that one now then. My boys hate being clean.......what kids do!