Re: Decision has been made!
 

Guilt is the fallible human's way of acknowledging responsibility for something they did. It is not a waste of time, energy and emotion, even Opus Dei know that.;) Of course we all make mistakes, of course we are human. But try dealing with irresponsible, non-accountable people, self absorbed adults on a daily basis who are convinced that they should not have to feel guilty for anything. Explains a lot about why your average chav/scumbag thinks the way they do....do you not think?

This is off topic anyway. Enough said, I hope all works out well for MM.

Re: Decision has been made!
 

Sorry it hasnt worked out for you, if he loves this country more than his wife and child, then you are better off without him.
You are strong enough to do this, so you will get through anything, I had 3 kids on my own, and i got through it, met someone else, had 3 more and been happily married for 15 years,
Im wishing you and your daughter all the very best for the future.
Sending you Karma.
Love Denise x

Re: Decision has been made!
 

Are you drunk ya nutcase. People make decisions everyday which affect others lives and have no choice in having to make these decisions. Some turn out for the better but some don't.:frown:

Re: Decision has been made!
 

I would suggest that you do some historical post-reading against my name, as you might find that I and my kids know this, from the butt-end of someone else's stupid and selfish decisions. No, I am not drunk, neither am a "nutcase", but if it makes you feel happy to have made that assumption, that is OK by me :rolleyes:

Re: Decision has been made!
 

If you care to read again i said DONT feel guilty for the decisions we all make in life for when we feel its the only one and we cant find another.GUILT who needs it! ang

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I would suggest the same, guilt does not change the outcome of your decision so what is the use again..... please tell me ang

Re: Decision has been made!
 

That is the sort of comment I personally think is well out of order considering you know nothing about the guy other than what MM has told you. There are stacks of people who have moved to another country and had to leave a child behind due to marriage breakup. Who the hell are you to make judgements about this guy. The ONLY person who can do that is MM.

Re: Decision has been made!
 

Agreed with all of this .... but which parent gets to keep the child?

This is a truly Solomonic decision not to be taken lightly.

Re: Decision has been made!
 

I totally understand what you are saying dingbat. There are many selfish people who go through life thinking only of themselves and not caring how their actions affect other people. Unfortunately though these are the ones who won't ever feel guilty or sorry for their actions. There are others though who try their best to please everyone, put themselves last all the time and when things do go wrong, blame themselves and can't sleep at night because others are upset at a decision they have made.

Back on topic though - on this thread we are talking about a young woman who came to Australia to persue her husband's dream. Not hers. She came for his sake. She tried it and it didn't work out for her. While she was away from home, he had cosy chats with her mate and admitted to having feelings for that mate.

In my opion Jude has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I totally sympathise with everyone affected by her decision to leave, both hubby and his son but you cannot live your life being miserable and unhappy for the sake of someone else's happiness. And you cannot feel guilty about that - sorry that it's come to that yes, but not guilty.

Re: Decision has been made!
 

Of course i can make those comments about him but im not offended when others say it either as if im honest it is true as he did leave one son in the UK to come here & its something i will never understand

By the same token he isnt a bad person or a bad dad. He does love his kids, unfortunately he thinks of his wants more & that to me is wrong

I still love him & probably always will but all this has made me realise that i will not feel guilty any longer. I was selfless in the fact that i came here for him & i put his wants & needs 1st above my own. I did expect the same in return one day but obvioulsy it didnt & never will happen so the time has come for me to be selfish & think of myself for a change, hence my decision to end our marriage & return home

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On this point I wasn't actually thinking of you. I was thinking of your husband. Sorry.

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That is immensely sad.

Re: Decision has been made!
 

It's obviously a really tough decision, but one question I would ask is woudl you ever leave your child because you were unhappy with the country, or let her go?. I'm thinking not.

I am sure he's a decent man, but there is a bottom line here--would you move away if it meant leaving her behind? I am betting over your dead body.

(and yes--this is *just* based on her side, but that's the nature of these online forums right??? But even in real life, when do we ever know the real story? So we just have to trust and take part in the conversation as it is, and hope for the best)

You are not the one choosing between a country and a child. (or so it seems). And this is why I respect you, and think though it will be hard, you are doing the right thing.

And as for making sure of the legalities, let me join the choir and say "better safe..."

Hugs to you, Jude. I know this must be the most difficult thing you've ever done.

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No i would never choose a country over my child & no thankfully im not having to do that either

I think if she was older & knew her mind then it would be very different but in this case i hold the cards as she is too young. He wants to stay so thats up to him.

He has been making me feel bad on times & says im splitting us up but tbh we would split anyway as id have resented him much more over time as i hate is so much

I still love him & i will stay married for the time being but we just wont be living together

I do think he is selfish & your right that there are 2 sides to a story. Im not the easiest to live with blah blah blah but the bottom line is that i came here for him & it DOES upset me that he chooses to stay

He always said to me before we came that he would never leave this time & he is right. I guess part of me did hope he might change his mind but he wont

I gave up everything i had for him. I came here blind really as even though i had a holiday here it never prepared me for the reality of the situation & being apart from my friends & family.

If being out here has taught me anything though, its that i can survive on my own. Ive been here 18 mths & for the most part ive been a single parent. Made worse as ive had no one around me to help

Im now actually quite excited at the prospect of a new start in a new place with my daughter. I will be near my sister & i know that friends wont be far away. I will miss my husband i will always feel some regret for what ive done to him but i will be happy again however long it takes!

If he does follow me then even better, if he dosnt then so be it!

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I just want to wish you all the best Jude. You have a tough time ahead, but from someone who has had her fair share of those, you will be all the better for it down the track.