had enough!
Jan 24th 2013 | 2:54 am
#17
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: had enough!
What you want to do is to stop worrying about making friends here, well with cradle Canadians anyway. They're as dull as dogs mess, just don't bother with them. Tell them to naff off.
Jan 24th 2013 | 2:55 am
#18
Thread Starter
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
Re: had enough!
Well I think an honest assessment is a good idea first.
The first thing I would say is that you can't tar all people with the same brush. Not all Torontonians are "too cliquey, very cold and not friendly at all". In fact, in my experience, this is not true of the vast majority - although there are (for want of a better word) "tools" everywhere. So sweeping generalizations are dangerous. It's even hard to know what a "Torontonian" actually is. The city is so diverse and multicultural that it makes generalizations even more difficult. So I would try to assess what type of social circles you are moving in to meet all these "tools". Maybe you can make a concerted effort to meet different people and widen your circle of friends?
The other part of an honest assessment is self assessment. This is much more difficult - it's easier to make judgements and criticize others than it is to do the same to yourself. Is there anything you can see in your own behaviour or attitude that could be changed/improved? This in turn might give you a different perspective on your world.
I lived in Toronto for 7 years and still visit the city often (e.g. visiting friends, attendiing sporting events and concerts, for business as my company has an office there, etc.) My daughter goes to college not that far from Toronto so I'm often up there visiting her or shuttling her back and forth from home to college. I would move back to Toronto in a heartbeat. However, my wife has grown increasingly intolerant of cold weather as she has gotten older. She wants to move further south for warmer weather. So we're stuck in the middle for now.
We also made the fateful decision to move back to the UK. We did it for what I would call "family reasons" - not because we didn't like Toronto or Canada anymore. We lasted less than 2 years in the UK before we realized it wasn't where we wanted to live and wasn't where we wanted to raise our children. This despite many visits to the UK previously while we lived in Toronto. It definitely wasn't a mistake to move back to the UK because I think it was something that we had to get out of our system - something that ended up helping us figure out what we really wanted to do.
Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide! Life's a journey and your next move likely won't be your last.
The first thing I would say is that you can't tar all people with the same brush. Not all Torontonians are "too cliquey, very cold and not friendly at all". In fact, in my experience, this is not true of the vast majority - although there are (for want of a better word) "tools" everywhere. So sweeping generalizations are dangerous. It's even hard to know what a "Torontonian" actually is. The city is so diverse and multicultural that it makes generalizations even more difficult. So I would try to assess what type of social circles you are moving in to meet all these "tools". Maybe you can make a concerted effort to meet different people and widen your circle of friends?
The other part of an honest assessment is self assessment. This is much more difficult - it's easier to make judgements and criticize others than it is to do the same to yourself. Is there anything you can see in your own behaviour or attitude that could be changed/improved? This in turn might give you a different perspective on your world.
I lived in Toronto for 7 years and still visit the city often (e.g. visiting friends, attendiing sporting events and concerts, for business as my company has an office there, etc.) My daughter goes to college not that far from Toronto so I'm often up there visiting her or shuttling her back and forth from home to college. I would move back to Toronto in a heartbeat. However, my wife has grown increasingly intolerant of cold weather as she has gotten older. She wants to move further south for warmer weather. So we're stuck in the middle for now.
We also made the fateful decision to move back to the UK. We did it for what I would call "family reasons" - not because we didn't like Toronto or Canada anymore. We lasted less than 2 years in the UK before we realized it wasn't where we wanted to live and wasn't where we wanted to raise our children. This despite many visits to the UK previously while we lived in Toronto. It definitely wasn't a mistake to move back to the UK because I think it was something that we had to get out of our system - something that ended up helping us figure out what we really wanted to do.
Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide! Life's a journey and your next move likely won't be your last.
Jan 24th 2013 | 2:59 am
#20
Seasoned Maritimer
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 8,309
From: Fredericton, New Brunswick CA
Jan 24th 2013 | 3:22 am
#22
Nuther day in paradise.ca
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,269
From: Ajax, Ontario
Re: had enough!
Jan 24th 2013 | 3:28 am
#23
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,695
From: Vancouver, BC
Re: had enough!
I agree there is a lack of genuine-ness (is that a word) in most interactions with cradles. When I first moved here I found all the fake friendliness overwhelming becaause kiwis are so reticent and surly by comparison. Honestly though - I found Aussies hard to break in with too. It takes time to make those real friends wherever you are (imo). I have some good cradle friends now. It's taken a long time though.
Jan 24th 2013 | 3:33 am
#24
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 13,402
From: South of Calgary
Jan 24th 2013 | 3:35 am
#25
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40,070
From: Ontario
Re: had enough!
Well, yes, there are people for whom living in Toronto is a dream; those in the suburbs and those in war torn nations, but people most are indifferent.
Jan 24th 2013 | 3:37 am
#26
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40,070
From: Ontario
Re: had enough!
I should think most people who don't like Toronto don't live there, just as most people who've never heard of Toronto don't live there. I suggest that the OP not live there.
Jan 24th 2013 | 4:03 am
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 51
Re: had enough!
Maybe if you can, take some vacation time and visit some other places in Canada before you make the decision to go back.
I was feeling a bit like yourself. I missed England, and after 6 years in Canada I decided to go back to the uk in December 2011. I've had various job opportunities since I've been back and I've not taken any of them up. I can honesty say that I kind of miss Canada. I've not lived in toronto, as I knew that wasn't for me when I first moved over. But I miss the more relaxed way of life over there. I was lucky enough to have travelled when I first moved over and I have seen most of the places I wanted to see. I've visited some really great places.
I'm currently in England, and I think I'm moving back this year. But everyone is different, keep your options open.
I was feeling a bit like yourself. I missed England, and after 6 years in Canada I decided to go back to the uk in December 2011. I've had various job opportunities since I've been back and I've not taken any of them up. I can honesty say that I kind of miss Canada. I've not lived in toronto, as I knew that wasn't for me when I first moved over. But I miss the more relaxed way of life over there. I was lucky enough to have travelled when I first moved over and I have seen most of the places I wanted to see. I've visited some really great places.
I'm currently in England, and I think I'm moving back this year. But everyone is different, keep your options open.
Jan 24th 2013 | 4:18 am
#28
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: had enough!
Maybe if you can, take some vacation time and visit some other places in Canada before you make the decision to go back.
I was feeling a bit like yourself. I missed England, and after 6 years in Canada I decided to go back to the uk in December 2011. I've had various job opportunities since I've been back and I've not taken any of them up. I can honesty say that I kind of miss Canada. I've not lived in toronto, as I knew that wasn't for me when I first moved over. But I miss the more relaxed way of life over there. I was lucky enough to have travelled when I first moved over and I have seen most of the places I wanted to see. I've visited some really great places.
I'm currently in England, and I think I'm moving back this year. But everyone is different, keep your options open.
I was feeling a bit like yourself. I missed England, and after 6 years in Canada I decided to go back to the uk in December 2011. I've had various job opportunities since I've been back and I've not taken any of them up. I can honesty say that I kind of miss Canada. I've not lived in toronto, as I knew that wasn't for me when I first moved over. But I miss the more relaxed way of life over there. I was lucky enough to have travelled when I first moved over and I have seen most of the places I wanted to see. I've visited some really great places.
I'm currently in England, and I think I'm moving back this year. But everyone is different, keep your options open.
Jan 24th 2013 | 4:30 am
#29
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 14
Re: had enough!
I really have to laugh at the over generalisations being made here. There are jerks in Toronto, Tokyo, Timbuktu, Vancouver (where I am from) oh yes and England too! I have lived abroad a couple of times and my boyfriend is from the UK living here with me in Vancouver. I truly believe that if you put yourself out there, have an open mind, and try to find friends with like interests you will find friends in any part of the world. If your attitude already is that people from so and so suck or whatever, in a way, you are already closed off to the idea of making friends from whichever city already! Maybe you had to make more of an effort or give people a chance? When I lived in Berlin there sure was no welcoming party at the airport... I had to find friends...and while it did take awhile, and I can understand being frustrated and lonely, I do not believe that in a big multicultural city like Toronto that everyone is too cliquey, cold, and unfriendly.... In summary, I am sure if you tried harder you would find some nice friends.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Jan 24th 2013 | 4:32 am
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 51
Re: had enough!
I don't mean to be pedantic but what that even mean? Isn't that just up to the individual? How much more relaxed can you be listening to TMS in a deckchair?
