Covenant

Normal services will resume once reinforcements arrive.

Be Scared... Be very very scared.......

(Bix, Loose,anyone? Help!! theres two of them) :scared:

bundy

I hope that isn't a hint of sarcasm Cov. I've been away for over a week, my banter muscles (if such things exist) are twitching for a bit of action (ahem). You boys don't scare us.

Covenant

Bundy?

bundy

LOL! Don't start that again.....

Anyway, where have all the usual suspects gone? Who are we missing?

Covenant

Its been dead over the weekend, Just Bix,Don, Des, Simone, Cream, and me.
We need to stir things ups.

bundy

Dead. You said it

Well, say something controversial then, get the banter started

Covenant

Lets warm the audience up first.

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I . . . I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I . . . I slept with your Sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!
I know" Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"MEN ARE LIKE..

Men are like... place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like... government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like... parking spots. All the good ones are taken.
Men are like... copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like... lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that
bright.
Men are like... bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like... miniskirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWO women were chatting and one asked the other,
"Mable, do you talk to your husband while you're having
passionate intercourse?"
Mable answered, "Heavens No! Why would you want to make a phone
call at a time like that?"

bundy

LOL! Very good, Cov, very good.

Particularly like the high heels and lava lamp comments.

Covenant

Right a final one for you then have to go and feed the kids.


A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage
he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would
you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I
won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now
staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed
and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and
apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I
embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in
psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you
mean $200?"

bundy

Feed the kids to what though Cov?



I like this one...rings true in so many ways.


Five Stages of Male Drunkenness

Stage 1 - Smart
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. this makes for an interesting argument when both parties are smart.

Stage 2 - Good Looking
This is when you realize that you are the best looking person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still smart, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - rich
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you're still smart, so naturally, you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cus you are rich. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the best looking person in the world.

Stage 4 - Bullet Proof
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of the wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are smart, you're rich, and Hell, you're better looking than them anyway!

Stage 5 - Invisible
This is the final stage of Drunkenness. at this point you can do anything, because no one can see you, You dance on a table to impress the people whom you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still smart, you know all the words.

Simone

They've all dissapeared!!

Btw, did you see Loose's fishing post? I think that was when you were gone.

Yeah, Sukhi, go feed the kids!

Covenant

Lol! Nice one Bundy. Hey, its the least I could do as the missus was out chopping lumber, and cutting the grass, and then she has to wash and iron the clothes, sweep the house from top to bottom, get my paper, take the dog for a walk, and then scub my back, and then in the afternoon.....

Covenant

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb, that's why. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to FIND the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS! But if, by some MIRACLE, they did find AND CHANGE the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID #@#*! LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE, THAT'S WHY!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF CRAP 12 FEET DEEP THROUGH THE ENTIRE #@!$#%! HOUSE!!!!!!!

That's how many.

lynnxa

ooooooooooooh noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!


have you been spying on me?

bundy

I work in an department with 12 women and only one man (who is gay). Don't talk to me about PMT.