Gezza

No, No! Do not do that! This is the demons of destruction speaking to you! There are plenty of people like you now back in U.K. (myslef included) now wondering about trying to find all those things they had missed all the years they were away,... and finding them all so changed for the worse, degraded, discarded on the scrap heap of history and - in a frenzy of minimalistic fashion - replaced with the same tat (if not worse) that you are currently trying to run away from. Please do not make the same mistake as well. It will be nothing except a lot of effort and money down the drain for absolutely nothing at all, except a lifelong hangover. Countries and people change constantly with time. What you are missing is no longer anywhere on this planet. Trust me. People that you think you miss will after a few days leave you to yourself and return to their normal things and the "good" friends who had never left. And you are going to think: "I am the worlds best fool! proving myself again!... by parting with my money". The journey you have undertaken is like a career or marriage: if you keep trying to change it every few years you will just end up with nothing in the end. The true sense of belonging and purpose in life is impossible without that kind of consistency. Come for a holiday instead and count how many people ask you how they copy what you have done, and leave!

DarrenP

Well, I can't thank everyone enough. There are some true words of wisdom here (on both sides of the fence) and this is definitely food for thought.

There are a couple of points that I feel the need to make however:

1) I understand that I possibly put the UK on a pedestal, and that I romanticize how it was. I know that things will have changed and that my life as it was there six years ago I will not be able to recreate.

2) Unlike most people that move abroad, I didn't 'plan' to leave. I was really very happy in the UK. My employer there asked If I wanted to do a 6 month placement in California, I jumped at the chance for the experience of it. At the end of that six months, they offered me the job here, and I thought why the heck not for a year or two? That was 6 years ago.

3) The industry that I work in is INSANE when it comes to hours. I often work 12+ hour days, and toward the end of a project when we are finishing a videogame for the run up to thanksgiving, 7 days a week for months on end. The corporate culture in Silicon Valley is bizarre when it comes to personal commitment. People sacrifice their lives for their company in this part of the world, and it's sort of expected. It's crazy.
I can assure you that this doesn't do much for ones quality of life, and it sorta begs the question 'what the heck is the point of living in California If Im stuck in front of a computer most of the time?'

4) The thing that sucks the most, is that I never really get vacations. The problem for me is that all of my 2 crappy weeks a year go to visits to the UK. Ergo, I have not a 'holiday' as such since the year 2000.

Surely the connections you make with other people are the most important thing in life? And without those isn't it all a bit pointless?
So yes, missing family and old friends is a factor in my unhappiness, but I have managed to pinpoint other areas that are bringing me down. The factors above weren't in my life in Britain, which is partly why I think that moving back *might* improve my quality of life.

But anyway, many thanks again all. I am going to give myself to the end of the year probably, and re-evaluate things then.

NC Penguin

I'll throw you the OP a thought. Maybe he doesn't enjoy life in CA. The reasons? The cost of living, the crazy traffic in built up areas, the high population density in cities.

Why not consider working and living elsewhere in the US? How about the East Coast? The travel back to the UK will certainly be quicker (and cheaper?) plus he'll experience living in another part of the US.

If I were him, I'd try living in another state, away from CA...


NC Penguin

Sally

Do you have any relationships here, and how would a job in your industry back in the UK compare?

DarrenP

NC Penguin: You've just described the south of England just as much as you've described California to be honest

But yeah, I hear you. You can pretty much forget the notion of buying a house in the SF bay area as a single guy. That's actually not what I dislike about this area though. Northern Cali in general is beautiful. Lake Tahoe, Yosemite etc. But I work down in silicon valley and honestly, it's completely soulless. It's like one huge strip mall and business park. Everything's man made. No museums, no Art, no history, no culture. I just don't like the area. I live in SF and commute down, but with the hours I put into my job I feel like I spend all of my time down here.

I would consider the East Coast, but there's very little out there for my line of work. Apart from one company in your neck of the woods actually in Raleigh.
But I don't think living in North Carolina would get me any closer to my goal of being closer to family really.

Sallyanne: You mean as in romantic relationships? Yes, I've had several over the last few years, but none of them last more than about 3 months. I think subconsciously I panic at being tied down here! There is a lot of work for what I do in the UK and without tooting my own horn too much I could get a job easily. The money wouldn't be as good, but as several people in this thread have already touched on, there's more to life than that.

Sally

Sounds like you've maybe done your stretch here.

Sally

PS did you recognise Dante?

NC Penguin

I just read your message above and IMHO, points 3 & 4 apply to many people living and working in the US. It's not unique for the games industry alone to work such long hours (without paid overtime) and to have barely any vacation time. BTW, I'm kind of surprised you don't have much vacation time. I would've thought as a transferee from the UK, you would be working based on your UK employment contract.


NC Penguin

woodsey

You have described your 'goal' as being closer to your family so you need to go home, in the long term it may mot make you any happier but you won't know until you try. Its such a tough decision to make though, once we take the step to try something new, we are forever aware of the alternative out there so going back to the life we once had will never be the same no matter how much we want it to be. Good luck.

DarrenP

Heh yeah, Devil May Cry was great!

True NC Penguin. I had no idea how hard Americans work before coming here to be honest. I'm not sure what it stems from. The drive to beat the Communists in the fifties and have a 2 car garage or something, but they need to sit back and chill a bit now!
OK, maybe I was exaggerating. I do get a bit more than 2 weeks, but my point was I spend all of it on the UK at christmas and/or random days off (very few) throughout the year. But in my line of work, you can't take time off during the summer, because of the cycle of when they sell most games being thanksgiving and xmas. So summer is the busiest time. But anyway, I'm a US employee, the fact that I used to work for the same co. in the UK 6 years ago is pretty much irrelevant I think.

I want to back off from this 'oh woe is me feeling' in this thread now I'm beginning to feel guilty. know I'm not alone, and I know I have plenty to be thankful for. There are far less fortunate people in this world than me, that's for sure. But I do very much appreciate the insight.

NC Penguin

I have the same issues. Most of my vacation time is spent with family in the US (I am married to an American) so that leaves little time for genuine vacations inc. trips back to the UK.

Actually, you've highlighted the fact that you're unhappy but it seems more and more, to me at least, that it's your surroundings that are making you unhappy. The solution is, 1) move elsewhere in the US, 2) move back to the UK.


NC Penguin

TrishP

Like NC said, why don't you try somewhere els in the US or cross the border into Canada if you can (would probably have to get some sort of visa for this) - don't judge the whole country by Silicon Valley. I know a family who moved there a few years ago as he was quite high up in Hewlett Packard - they stayed for three years and then he jacked it in and came back as they weren't settling. Silicon Valley is a false living environment where superficial relationships are common place as its a very transient population.

Try somewhere else in the US - it may work out a heck of a lot cheaper than going back to the UK and as OP have said, the UK is now a very different place than when you left 6 years ago! Emigrating to another place is what you make it (I'm not saying you haven't made the effort, so please don't take what I've said wrongly) - I understand that to be the people connections you make, not the material goods you can buy! I've just turfed my hubbie out after being together for 12 years, but I intend to stay here in Canada and make a new life for myself and strengthen the connections I've made here - this is now home for me!

Good luck with your decision and I hope you are happy whatever you decide! Happiness is what it's all about!

Hutch

Have you tried getting in touch with one of the smaller semi-independent studios in the UK - might just provide what you're looking for. I've had friends who worked for the larger studios like EA (I'm an ex games-journo), did a stint and then came back to put down fresh roots. What about Lionhead, for instance? Peter Molyneux's a sterling fellow. Worth a punt?

Sally

I think USBound works in the videogame industry and is happy here.

DarrenP

Yeah probably worth a punt. I actually used to work for Peter in Guildford back in the day. When Bullfrog were Bullfrog before they got snapped up by EA. I worked on Dungeon Keeper 1&2. I'm still at EA now (HQ in Redwood city, CA). I could get a UK games job no problem be honest. I still have a lot of connections over there. If I end up deciding to leave Cali I guess I just have to decide where I want to live in the UK and wether or not Im prepared to suck up the big paycut!