The only thing wrong with a steak and ale pie is that it is missing a certain something.
You don't know much about anatomy if you think that kidneys, or indeed liver and heart, "fall out" when you unzip the animal. The kidneys especially are securely attached in place, near the spine, from where they can be carefully harvested.

A quiche has to have eggs, doesn't it?

Though, a Shepherd's Pie has no pastry at all, and I think it gets a pass because they're the dog's bollocks.

I do love your turn of phrase.

That being said, steak n' kidney is a decent pie. I do prefer steak and ale, or steak and Guinness though. Chicken pot pie is the shit as well, but if you try put a pea anywhere near it I'll stab you.

On the sweet side, it's hard to beat good old apple pie with a big dollop of vanilla ice cream. Mmmmm.

Or a very nice bit of Wensleydale cheese with a cold apple pie.

Wallace, is that you?

I would also include all the items you are able to scoop out after flipping it over to unzip it. A bit like the method you might use if (when?) making a canoe out of it.

And I thought they smelled bad ... on the outside.

"Scoop out"?

You need a very sharp knife, of a good length, and a fair bit of skill and experience to eviscerate a large mammal. It's also best done outdoors and/or where the floor can be hosed-down.

I don't think Nutek is being 100% serious here.

Yes, or making a sleeping bag.

When am I ever anything but serious?

You got me. OK, as you were.

I will say though, much as people rail against offal, a nice bit of liver and onions is really bloody good. Haven't had it in ages (mostly because I'm the only person in my house who eats liver and kidney), but my mum used to make it all the time with spuds and gravy. Ohh, the nostalgia.

That's how I make it, as well. Like the liver on the medium side, not bloody but pink, lots of onions, mashed spuds and gravy.

It's underrated as a meal. Plus liver used to be dirt cheap (probably still is) too so you get a slap up dinner for bargain prices. I think me and my mum were the only ones that ate liver though, I know my sister doesn't like it but I can't remember if my dad did. Oh well.

I just don't want to eat anything that had a primary purpose of straining piss.
Fortunately, evolution has seen to it that all of the tasty parts are on the outside and easily accessible.