Big Pete

Well

1st july official England No smoking in public places ban in force ..

So obviously the None Smokers will say Hooray filthy disgusting habit blah blah blah .

The Smokers will say flippin liberty i love a good smoke ..

A small percentage of rebels will like me say yea like to see them stop me

There again a few will say Oh well they tell me i cant smoke so i shall give it up ..


So a question arrises how are they going to stop a rebel like me ? After all i dont wear seat belts unless someone else is driving ! Still use mobile while driving ! Believe its our duty to speak out if things arent right ! Love to speed when i can dodge the cameras to make up for lost time

etc etc ..

So now lets picture the scene ?

I am walking through the Area smoking away in a newly signposted No Smoking area !

Who is going to say anything ? after all in this country a yob can throw a brick through a window and nobody would say a word ?
So is a passer by likely to say anything more than murmer under there breath "look hes smoking !!!!!!" but walk by ..
Or is there going to be a Smoking officer Paid by our Taxes ? to watch every town and Public Place ?

Now if there is such a officer and he stopped me and said excuse me " This is a No Smoking Zone " i would say "Is It ?" They would most likely say "Yes it is so please extinguish it !" Now i would weigh them up if he looked like a SAS ex army guy i would say " Oh didnt notice sorry " But if he was some spotty young geek i would Say " get stuffed " and finish the smoke ..

So what would happen next ?
Do you think he would be able to grab me arm and give me a Chinese Burn ?

Or would he have to find a policeman and have me arrested ? If he found a policeman lets say one happened to be having a quick smoke round the corner or something !! And he came round i understand they are going to issue a £ 50 on the spot fine ?

So this Policeman says "Right Sir , thats £ 50 please ! " I say " Sorry have no money on me " He then i guess would have to say " Well whats your name and address as its a fixed fine and you must send it ? " So i say " Mr Rug Matt , 12 The Close ,Canterbury. kent .. just send me the bill and i shall send you a cheque by return post "

And thats it , or ? am i to be arrested dragged away in a police truck screaming "IT WAS ONLY A QUICK SMOKE " Then kept in the cells overnight and charged with smoking in a public place ?

So any ideas ? or do i just lay over and die like 90% of the British population and concede defeat as when the Fuel tax went up again ,and apply for my ID card and weekly report sheets in advance ? to become the perfect Citizen ??

silverchick

As much as I hate most of what you write, you are funny!!

However, WEAR YOUR SEATBELT YOU FOOLISH MAN!!!

Big Pete

Well thanks

The Government can stitch me on Road tax ,Fuel tax ,Council Tax ,VAT , Stamp Duty, etc etc..

Remember they can take away our Spirit !! But they can never take our " HUMOURRR"

silverchick

You really need to move to Spain, you can smoke the most disgusting smelling fags, drive like a maniac, eat lard if you like, talk on your mobile whislst lighting up a fag and holding churros in the other hand!!!

Big Pete

yea i know its gonna be brill ,

silverchick

i would meet you in a bar there but you know me, can't stand the smoke!!!

Big Pete

No you will be fine , the bars i use are on the Sea fronts open aired , where you can just drink relax in the warm while watching the moonlight shimmer on the clear ocean , just like under them arches down at your Folkestone marina

Oh except no seagulls crapping on your head ! And the boats a tad more alluring than them wooden wrecks

leighbloke

BP, as I understand it, they will photograph you doing the dirty deed, present you with the evidence and ask for your name and address, HTF they know if you provide duff gen I haven't a clue - AFAIK just at the minute you don't need to carry a form of ID by law.
I've already decided on Don Kiddick if I'm caught, as though it's not my name I wouldn't be lying

big wheels

You can also try and master the art of riding a motorcycle, smoking a fag, talking on the mobile while balancing a sack of onions on the handle bars.

Just something I saw today on a local road. He should be in the circus

silverchick

Folkestone??? I'm much more posherer than that, Hernia Bay me!!!but, still seagulls crapping on our heads!!
God you paint a delightful picture, of Spain that is not Folkestone... make mine a tequila sunrise!!

Big Pete

Herne Bay thats not a bad place been there

In fact its one of the only places you can stop and buy a coffee along the whole south coast .pathetic isnt it ?
From Dungeoness you have to drive to Folkestone park in a car park Pay the normal Parking ticket walk under them scruffy dirty arches , get a plastic mug of crapp coffee or tea , sit on a knackered old wooden bench dodge the seagull crap and have them dive your head !!
Alternately next stop is to get to Dover stop on the sea road bit get a crap cuppa and sit on a shingle beach again dodging the seagulls !!
Or carry on to ST margarets down that bendy hill to the Pub at the bottom , sit on them hard bench seats and watch the sea ..
Or Go all the way to herne bay for a proper walk on the sea

so u got about the best in kent . sad i know all this coast and they dont provide naff all

Big Pete

Good on ya Don ...

derbyflan

Single most healthiest thing you can do to vastly improve your overall health = Stop smoking. FACT!

I stopped.

It'll be 8 weeks on Monday but I'll always be a smoker.

I love smoking me

And I hate it.

It's like ending a great relationship that, despite being great, you knew it was eventually going to kill you.

cissystar650

... all my family in the UK have just woken up to the fact that I left the UK before 1st of July because I knew I wouldn't adhere to the ban on smoking! There was even talk by our local council of banning smoking in PRIVATE Cars! So many of our civil liberties have been eroded over the past few years... that as a smoking, speeding, chatting on mobile sort of person, I couldn't take it anymore.

For the record, I have been known to smoke a ciggie, and ride my motorbike whilst balancing two tesco bags on the handlebars!

keithwalters

Well you are part way there. Now all you need to do is make a couple of mates sit behind you, stick a small child between your legs who can peer over the handlebars and tuck a dog under one of your arms and you will fit right in here in Spain!