Having it all?
Jul 20th 2010, 8:50 am
#61
Perky but sarky
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Limboland
Posts: 608
Re: Having it all?
Jul 20th 2010, 7:15 pm
#65
Hit 16's
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine
Posts: 13,112
Jul 21st 2010, 4:27 am
#67
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 21
Re: Having it all?
Hello Bonita,
I have the same relationship with my dad, but then if I do get into a conversation about anything interesting he normally reminds me he has something to watch on telly and finishes the conversation as quickly as possible or gives his opinion which is final. I did go through a phase of wondering if he actually likes me, but then discovered he rambles on about me to his friends and family- funny as for years I thought I was a huge disappointment. I generally think we have nothing in common- he often looks at me like I'm from a different planet. When I went home in January for the first time since being here he met me at Kings Cross and when he saw me started crying- I'd never seen my dad cry before, but then on the way home we'd run out of things to say within 10 minutes and ended up listening to magic fm. He never asks me about any of my personal life so I guess he just isnt interested. Perhaps your kids feel the same way about you. I love him and its just the way our relationship is, but I get the distinct impression he doesn't want to talk to me.
I have the same relationship with my dad, but then if I do get into a conversation about anything interesting he normally reminds me he has something to watch on telly and finishes the conversation as quickly as possible or gives his opinion which is final. I did go through a phase of wondering if he actually likes me, but then discovered he rambles on about me to his friends and family- funny as for years I thought I was a huge disappointment. I generally think we have nothing in common- he often looks at me like I'm from a different planet. When I went home in January for the first time since being here he met me at Kings Cross and when he saw me started crying- I'd never seen my dad cry before, but then on the way home we'd run out of things to say within 10 minutes and ended up listening to magic fm. He never asks me about any of my personal life so I guess he just isnt interested. Perhaps your kids feel the same way about you. I love him and its just the way our relationship is, but I get the distinct impression he doesn't want to talk to me.
Jul 21st 2010, 5:59 am
#68
Bored liberal
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Over there ----->
Posts: 13,713
Re: Having it all?
An interesting (UK) survey that has just come out.
It states that a third of women earn more than their partners...
http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/work/ar..._page_id=53928
-
It states that a third of women earn more than their partners...
http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/work/ar..._page_id=53928
-
Jul 21st 2010, 9:12 am
#69
ex-expat
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: in front of my computer - in sunny Sussex!
Posts: 2,162
Re: Having it all?
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
Last edited by Hello.Kitty; Jul 21st 2010 at 9:16 am.
Jul 21st 2010, 9:49 am
#70
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Dubai
Posts: 4,403
Re: Having it all?
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
Jul 21st 2010, 10:00 am
#71
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Khaladiya Abu Dhabi
Posts: 4,181
Re: Having it all?
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
Jul 21st 2010, 10:07 am
#72
Bored liberal
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Over there ----->
Posts: 13,713
Re: Having it all?
As Patsy said earlier it is all about choices. We have a right to choose how to live our lives, although for some circumstances come into play here.
I wonder in how many relationships where the woman gave up work to look after the family it was simply assumed that it was her role. Just asking.
I wonder in how many relationships where the woman gave up work to look after the family it was simply assumed that it was her role. Just asking.
Jul 21st 2010, 4:15 pm
#73
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 21
Re: Having it all?
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
That was until I had kids.
I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children.
If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out.
I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood.
It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me.
I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again...
What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen!
---------
and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic.
Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has
The best Hours
The best work environment
The richest rewards
The best benifits package
For stay at home moms:
You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home.
You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word .
There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal
Working moms: Shame on you
Jul 21st 2010, 4:18 pm
#74
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 21
Re: Having it all?
Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has
The best Hours
The best work environment
The richest rewards
The best benifits package
For stay at home moms:
You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home.
You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word .
There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal
Working moms: Shame on you
The best Hours
The best work environment
The richest rewards
The best benifits package
For stay at home moms:
You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home.
You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word .
There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal
Working moms: Shame on you
I've noticed over the years that many famous wealthy men have dumped their wives and ran off with their childrens Nanny? It's only natural for a man to be attracted to the woman thats mothering their child, even if the nanny is ugly. And as long as they don't get way overweight mothers are the most attractive women on earth to men. It's the most attractive profession by far. It blows being a nurse, teacher or flight attendant out of the proverbial water ladies..
FYI
Jul 21st 2010, 4:42 pm
#75
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Dubai
Posts: 4,403
Re: Having it all?
Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has
The best Hours
The best work environment
The richest rewards
The best benifits package
For stay at home moms:
You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home.
You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word .
There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal
Working moms: Shame on you
The best Hours
The best work environment
The richest rewards
The best benifits package
For stay at home moms:
You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home.
You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word .
There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal
Working moms: Shame on you