Having it all?

Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:25 am
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Default Having it all?

Hi all,

Whilst travelling with my muslim indian colleague we had some very interesting chats as you do. Just to paint the picture she is a strict muslim indian married with one kid in her mid 30's, whereas I'm a single english atheist in my nearly early 30's.

So one of the conversations we had started when talking about Angelina Jolie, she happened to say she thought she was a home wrecker, to which I said I thought that was a bit harsh and that any western relationship has other pressures and there is not the obligation to stay together that perhaps a traditional indian girl would feel, then she went into a bit of a rant about how Ange tempted Brad away etc etc. ( at this point I decided to hold back on some of my exploits) anyway the converstaion went on to why I'm single (I get this on a regular basis here from my Indian counterparts as it would seem I am some sort of freak to be at my age and never married). So her advice to me (not that I was asking for any) was that I need to stop putting myself and my career first as you really can't have it all. Which I do agree with to some level, but when I explained I would choose my career first she kind of lost all hope with me.

So I was just wondering who agrees, can women have it all- the job, the husband, the kids etc or can you only ever have one or two of those things and be good and happy at/with them? She felt to keep her husband she must always put him first and do whatever he wants even if she doesn't want to ( including bedroom duties), and I agree if a guys not getting it at home he will develop a wondering eye but is it really as black and white as that- a guy gets what he wants or he leaves/strays? So for a successful relationship her view is that she must make all the compromises and she gets her happiness from him being happy? Obviously, very different cultures but it did make me wonder if in the west we have moved away from traditional values at the cost of high divorce rates and general selfishness? Should we be returning to 1950's england where the women are home makers and servants to their men?

Any thoughts?

xxx
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:32 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by kittycat1 View Post
Hi all,

Whilst travelling with my muslim indian colleague we had some very interesting chats as you do. Just to paint the picture she is a strict muslim indian married with one kid in her mid 30's, whereas I'm a single english atheist in my nearly early 30's.

So one of the conversations we had started when talking about Angelina Jolie, she happened to say she thought she was a home wrecker, to which I said I thought that was a bit harsh and that any western relationship has other pressures and there is not the obligation to stay together that perhaps a traditional indian girl would feel, then she went into a bit of a rant about how Ange tempted Brad away etc etc. ( at this point I decided to hold back on some of my exploits) anyway the converstaion went on to why I'm single (I get this on a regular basis here from my Indian counterparts as it would seem I am some sort of freak to be at my age and never married). So her advice to me (not that I was asking for any) was that I need to stop putting myself and my career first as you really can't have it all. Which I do agree with to some level, but when I explained I would choose my career first she kind of lost all hope with me.

So I was just wondering who agrees, can women have it all- the job, the husband, the kids etc or can you only ever have one or two of those things and be good and happy at/with them? She felt to keep her husband she must always put him first and do whatever he wants even if she doesn't want to ( including bedroom duties), and I agree if a guys not getting it at home he will develop a wondering eye but is it really as black and white as that- a guy gets what he wants or he leaves/strays? So for a successful relationship her view is that she must make all the compromises and she gets her happiness from him being happy? Obviously, very different cultures but it did make me wonder if in the west we have moved away from traditional values at the cost of high divorce rates and general selfishness? Should we be returning to 1950's england where the women are home makers and servants to their men?

Any thoughts?

xxx
My only thought on reading this is that I should have married an Indian Muslim girl.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:40 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

I dunno Millhouse, I'm not sure just how fun she is, sounded a bit like lay back and think of England stuff only, no swinging from the chandeliers or anything, and when we spoke about oral sex I don't think I've seen anyone ever look so mortified! Part of my trip included shopping in sex stores (remember lingerie designer) and I was almost embarrassed having to explain what every single toy was for- I'm sure she now thinks I'm some sort of hussy! Ok, Ok, maybe I am but certainly got reminded at how open minded I am compared to some of the more innocent among us.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:44 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

What's oral sex?
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:44 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by kittycat1 View Post
I dunno Millhouse, I'm not sure just how fun she is, sounded a bit like lay back and think of England stuff only, no swinging from the chandeliers or anything, and when we spoke about oral sex I don't think I've seen anyone ever look so mortified! Part of my trip included shopping in sex stores (remember lingerie designer) and I was almost embarrassed having to explain what every single toy was for- I'm sure she now thinks I'm some sort of hussy! Ok, Ok, maybe I am but certainly got reminded at how open minded I am compared to some of the more innocent among us.
Oh, ok. I take it back... I don't want her to lay there and think of Bangalore, and the constant home cooking would be annoying after a while.

Now to answer your question, can woman have it all... I'm afraid to say that in life we make compromises - some women call pull it off, most can't. Kids and Career is very tough.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:45 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy View Post
What's oral sex?
It's what you and I do when the wife is away ... just talk about it.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:50 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse View Post
It's what you and I do when the wife is away ... just talk about it.
I've never once talked about it with you. I think you must have me confused with someone else.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:52 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

It's 2010. Why is the same question not asked of men?
-
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:56 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
It's 2010. Why is the same question not asked of men?
-
We are still not able to give birth?
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 11:56 am
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy View Post
I've never once talked about it with you. I think you must have me confused with someone else.
I didn't say with each other!
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 12:00 pm
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
It's 2010. Why is the same question not asked of men?
-
agree, and more's the pity, it's a girl asking the question...

MM, xx
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 12:02 pm
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Default Re: Having it all?

Women want to have their cake, eat it and not absorb the calories.
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 12:21 pm
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse View Post
We are still not able to give birth?
Doesn't mean you can't look after and bring up a child.
-
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 12:24 pm
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Default Re: Having it all?

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
Doesn't mean you can't look after and bring up a child.
-
that is true. But, trust me, I couldn't (and nor could most men).
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Old Jul 19th 2010, 12:34 pm
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Default Re: Having it all?

Men can't have their career, kids, hobbies, friends and wife.

We are not built for this monogamy thing, or maybe this model of society where we are expected to fulfill so many roles at once.
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