Originally Posted by bowery

I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks

Originally Posted by pcmaccallum

Hello and welcome

Lots of us on here are in exactly the same position as you but as others have said this is a very personal decision and nobody else can prepare you for how YOU will feel. We can only tell you our experience.
My experience is from both sides of the fence. Our daughter has lived in USA for twelve years her husband is a USC. Since they adopted two amazing little boys 8 years ago I have been coming over 2 or 3 times a year. Although Florida is the last place i would have ever chosen to live for so many reasons. The main one being i dont cope well with the hot weather and we are outdoor people walking, cycling etc not that easy to do here lol. We decided to give it a go so we could be with our family. The idea was to spend 9 month here and 3 months split between UK and Ireland. We thought if we could do that for 5 years and become citizens then we could split our time between our daughter and her family here and our son and his family. We always knew it would be difficult for me but it was worth giving it a go. You know the saying nothing ventured nothing gained. I didn't want to get to end of my life with regrets that i had not given it a go.
Well to try and cut a long story a little shorter we now know we cant do that. We moved here 17 months ago and going back next month. I dont see it as a failure we have had a wonderful time with our family that we would not have missed for the world. Money and possessions have never ruled our lives. I do believe as long as you can get by and pay your bills you can have a great life on a small amount if you budget well. I am dreading the 2nd of June coming when we have to leave our family but know it is the right thing for us to do. We have to do what is bet for us because at the end of the day the grandchildren will grow and leave home, our daughter and her husband will have there life which they should do, and the last thing we would want to do is be here when we are old. Living back home we enable us to split our time between the countries we would not be able to do that if we carry on living here. I dont think we would ever be able to retire if we stayed here it is so much more expensive than being at home.
The only thing i can tell you and lots of us on here feel is to follow your heart and if it doesn't work out at least you will know. We are all here to help or just listen if you need us.

Take care Chris

Originally Posted by Beedubya

Hi Bowery and welcome to this thread.

This is something nobody can tell you - you have to do it for yourself to find out if you can handle the emotions involved.

I moved back to the UK in April 2009 and came back here in April 2010 after one year back home. I REALLY REALLY thought I could stay over there and live out my days, HOWEVER the reality was I couldn't do it. I felt like I had "abandoned" my kids and grand-kids over here in Australia with no other family support system while I was over there in the UK with my close knit family of about 20 people.

If Australia was just a few hours away like the USA or Canada not 24 hours flight like it is to Australia, and the airfare was just say $700.00 as against $2000.00+ then I know my decision to come back here would have been different.

Believe me, if my kids and grand-kids weren't here there is NO WAY I would have come back to live in Australia, I never realised just how much I LOVE my own country.

BUT the decision I/we made in 1981 to emigrate to Australia with 2 young children who are now "Aussie's" and have Aussie partners and kids and quite frankly can't afford to be popping back to the UK for a holiday every year has left me no choice but to live out my days here if I want to have them in my life.

I left a good job in England with a rent free flat in Somerset (see past posts on this thread), left my ageing mother, 2 sisters, brother, assorted spouses, nieces, nephews and their kids to come back here. At the moment I am living at my daughter's place sharing a bed with my youngest grand-daughter and desperately trying to find a job. I have applied for 23 jobs so far with no interviews, am too scared to get a flat on my own in case I can't get a job soon enough and then will be eating into what little money I have left to pay rent. I am getting the "dole" but that is not enough to get your own place on, I just give my daughter money towards the housekeeping. I still have all my stuff in storage with more coming from the UK shortly and have started waking up really early every morning worrying about my future here.

But anyway like I said this is a very personal decision and nobody on here or any other forum or in fact any other person in your life can prepare you for how YOU will feel.

Maybe you will get back there and it will all work out for you and I do so hope this is the case, or maybe you will get back and find you just can't do it like I did. Australia is just toooooooo far away from the UK.

Good luck and my sincere good wishes in whatever you do.

Originally Posted by bowery

I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks

Originally Posted by pcmaccallum

Hello and welcome

Lots of us on here are in exactly the same position as you but as others have said this is a very personal decision and nobody else can prepare you for how YOU will feel. We can only tell you our experience.
My experience is from both sides of the fence. Our daughter has lived in USA for twelve years her husband is a USC. Since they adopted two amazing little boys 8 years ago I have been coming over 2 or 3 times a year. Although Florida is the last place i would have ever chosen to live for so many reasons. The main one being i dont cope well with the hot weather and we are outdoor people walking, cycling etc not that easy to do here lol. We decided to give it a go so we could be with our family. The idea was to spend 9 month here and 3 months split between UK and Ireland. We thought if we could do that for 5 years and become citizens then we could split our time between our daughter and her family here and our son and his family. We always knew it would be difficult for me but it was worth giving it a go. You know the saying nothing ventured nothing gained. I didn't want to get to end of my life with regrets that i had not given it a go.
Well to try and cut a long story a little shorter we now know we cant do that. We moved here 17 months ago and going back next month. I dont see it as a failure we have had a wonderful time with our family that we would not have missed for the world. Money and possessions have never ruled our lives. I do believe as long as you can get by and pay your bills you can have a great life on a small amount if you budget well. I am dreading the 2nd of June coming when we have to leave our family but know it is the right thing for us to do. We have to do what is bet for us because at the end of the day the grandchildren will grow and leave home, our daughter and her husband will have there life which they should do, and the last thing we would want to do is be here when we are old. Living back home we enable us to split our time between the countries we would not be able to do that if we carry on living here. I dont think we would ever be able to retire if we stayed here it is so much more expensive than being at home.
The only thing i can tell you and lots of us on here feel is to follow your heart and if it doesn't work out at least you will know. We are all here to help or just listen if you need us.

Take care Chris

Originally Posted by bowery

I can relate to everthing you have said and am fearful that we will get overthere only to find we cant make it work. I dont really like Australia - it is rough and without the kind of culture we yearn for . It does have one beautiful person whom I adore and thats is our beloved daughter. She is happy here she has her partner and soon they will marry and hope to have children. We have the potential for meaning ful friendships in Scotland and meaninful work - She has lived with our sadness for a long time and I know it burdens her. We are viewing our return as being for about ten years and not for ever. Our daughter is excited at the thought of us going as she loves Scotland and regards our being there as a chance for her to visit often, Will she actuallybe able to afford to - thats the huge question. We will pull our money for fares but it is all very very scary and my husband and I are wishing like hell we could actually talk to foks face to face about some of the issues,

Originally Posted by quoll

I hate living this half life and I know that I am the real me when I go home.

Originally Posted by lazy

Anna's Pooh bear story is so apt. There is a Pooh, Owl, Rabbit and Eeyore in all of us and it just depends how we feel on any given day.

Well my story is a little different. No children, family or friends in Florida except a USC husband with whom life has become intolerable over the 3 1/2 years I have been here. I have been isolated something unbelievable, and life has been hell. of course everything is my fault through the eyes of someone who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am not going to go into details except to say I want out ASAP - in full caps. This thread is about returning to the UK and it continues to empower us, to give us strength knowing there are others who feel the same urgency to return home and follow our dreams no matter what our age or circumstance. I would like to thank everyone for their honesty and input. I need to regain my independence and start to live again. Obviously I am really disappointed things didn't work out as I remember the optimism and joyfulness I came with.
All being well I'll be booking a flight any day now to fly back on/around June 10 .

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

Wow Chris its a tough world, you put that so honestly and beautifully, we cant always have all that we want, I commend you for at least giving Florida a go, I many Brits seem to like Florida, personally I don't see whats to like, Ive been to the Orlanda and Tampa/Clearwater area on business a few times and it seems lifeless and full of cops.

Nothing in life is forever, circumstances always change even though its sometimes slow. I wish you and many others here well.

Originally Posted by pcmaccallum

Thank you for your kind words. I tried not to waffle but i think i did anyway.

I know when we decided to come here i tried not to say where we would be living because so many people have this misconception about Florida. When people knew they would go on and on about how wonderful it would be.I found myself trying to explain when you live there all the time it's not the same as being on holiday, they never quite got it. We knew exactly what we were getting into but still wanted to give it a try. I'm so glad we did because now we know the longest we would ever want to stay is 3 months in the cooler weather and we can do that on the visa waiver programme. I feel so sorry for the Americans who have worked all their lives then something happens an accident or something and they loose everything, it's so unfair. (my husband works with some amazing people that this has happened to) They pay into health insurance for years then they loose it when they need it most. I'm so hopeful for the future with president Obama in charge but i think it will take years to get it up and running. At least we have the option to go back to safety and i am very grateful for that. Our out goings at home are so much less in the UK between health insurance, utility bills ( living here you have to have aircon or heat on all year round) at home we could go months without any heating on even with the UK weather, our food bills are less etc.The only thing i find more expensive is the cost of petrol, but as we say here you have to use a car all the time at home you can be without one.
I know you can't put a price on family but we know by doing what we are doing we will have the option to come and go between all three counties and spend time with all our family. Staying here would make it impossible for us to do that. So at the end of the day we still will have it all but in a different way, with no regrets.

I do believe life is too short for regrets. If things dont work out there is always plan B or even plan C and look at all the fun you would miss out on if you dont give it a try.

Just look at Anna she is a great example

Good luck to everyone what ever you decide, i hope you find happiness and contentment.

Chris

Originally Posted by bowery

Thank you all for your help. Apart from our dear daughter who is only 27 years old we dont have any real friends. We have tried like hell to achieve this but for what even reason have not been able to . We have the chance of returning for several years and working in Scotland. The job carries a house with it so we will not need to buy straight away. We dont have a lot of money but be able to live with enough and could invest the little we do have to cover the coming and going between hear and Australia. We are trying to sell a heavily mortgaged home at present in outer Sydney and are watching our hard earned asset slip away from us as we cant afford it now due to work cut backs interest rate hikes etc. We are desparte to go home and r connect with family and a country we left twenty years ago. I would love to chat to anyone on skype about all this - any takers out there?

Originally Posted by lazy

Anna's Pooh bear story is so apt. There is a Pooh, Owl, Rabbit and Eeyore in all of us and it just depends how we feel on any given day.

Well my story is a little different. No children, family or friends in Florida except a USC husband with whom life has become intolerable over the 3 1/2 years I have been here. I have been isolated something unbelievable, and life has been hell. of course everything is my fault through the eyes of someone who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am not going to go into details except to say I want out ASAP - in full caps. This thread is about returning to the UK and it continues to empower us, to give us strength knowing there are others who feel the same urgency to return home and follow our dreams no matter what our age or circumstance. I would like to thank everyone for their honesty and input. I need to regain my independence and start to live again. Obviously I am really disappointed things didn't work out as I remember the optimism and joyfulness I came with.
All being well I'll be booking a flight any day now to fly back on/around June 10 .

Originally Posted by aes1

I am so sorry to hear that. I know we were all hoping that things would get better for you once you had been back in Aus for a while, as we know what a tough decision that was for you. You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I have been in that position, I have found it always best to do nothing. That means, just sit back and 'let the mud settle'. If anyone has ever read the Winnie the Pooh children's stories, they will know what I mean. There is a book called the Tao of Pooh. Pooh bear was the one character in the stories who would choose to do nothing at all when there was a problem, except to eat his honey! But he was the one that somehow came up with the solution!! The others would think it through to death (Owl), or rush through everything to make it work (Rabbit), or be too scared and end up making things worse (Piglet), or be totally negative and make a mountain out of a molehill (Eeyore)!!! Only Pooh would go with the flow, and just LET things happen, and all would work out! That has always worked so well for me (when I remember to just let go!!). For example, with my new mañana attitude here in Malta, things have a habit of falling into place all by themselves. I have an interview for a different job on Monday! I only emailed my application yesterday afternoon, and within hours they called me! Of course, this job, like the last one, may not be what I want (night receptionist at a hotel resort & spa at the other end of the island), but hey, being asked for an interview brings a lot of self confidence! I am letting the mud settle, instead of churning it up and making nothing but dirty water!! See if that helps!!

BTW Those newbies on here, pretty soon you won't feel alone because this is one great big family!!!! I love you all, but I had never thought of Skyping anyone - great idea, but I would never get out of my flat if I did that - too many of us to chat with on here, we would be drinking cups of tea/coffee all day long!!! Maybe we could set up group Skypes???????