OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
May 21st 2010, 6:09 am
#3316
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Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Charleston SC, USA, North Yorkshire, now Malta
Posts: 632
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
May 21st 2010, 10:04 am
#3317
I can't Re-Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 21 years away.
Posts: 781
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Thanks Chris, now I really do feel like everyone on here is even better than family
Well today's adventure continued with my trip to Mosta, which is in the centre of Malta and has a cathedral noted for the fact that during WW2 a bomb fell through the roof in the middle of a church service. It did not explode!!! How's that for a miracle!! Apparently it is still there, but I didn't get to see it because I was late arriving in Mosta (earlier power outage at home) and didn't get there till after 12 - and as you all know by now, shops, and churches it seems, close then for the afternoon siesta till 4. Also churches don't open up again in the day till summer, which isn't till June.
Not to worry though, I spent a good hour in the health food shop there, chatting to the Maltese owner, Maria, and another Brit expat - Millie, a psychic medium now in Malta 2 years! I got her card and an invite to coffee/tea sometime at her apartment by the coast. Millie has a daughter living in Florida who wants her to move there next year. So a lot of our chat was on - in my opinion - why she shouldn't go!!! Actually Millie - and Maria - were telling me how healthy Malta is, the sea takes away toxins. Millie's asthma has gone away and symptoms of chronic fatigue are also disappearing since living on the island. (Maybe I should become a spokeswoman for the Malta tourist board) After that conversation I had lunch at a cafe around the corner recommended by M & M and shared a table with a woman from Belgium, Myriam, over here for a 2 weeks holiday. So another hour talking to her, exchanging contact info with a promise to be given a tour around Aarschot if I ever find myself in Belgium! Have I said that it has been raining today? Therefore the need to do stuff indoors! I didn't bring an umbrella to Malta so I ended up buying a cheapo one for €2.50 and came on home to find a note from the post office that they were unable to deliver a parcel. Over here when that happens, as I am now learning, you have choices. a) Go to your nearest main post office (in my case in a town I would have to get a bus to), b) pay €3.50 for courier delivery or c) go online or call for the package to be sent to your local branch to be picked up the next day. I opted for c) and just had a phone call less than 5 minutes after making my online request
from the post office advising me that my package will be at my requested branch tomorrow morning between 11 and 12:45 (when of course all post offices close for the rest of the day!!). Maybe I can find a job at a post office Now to consult my well worn map to figure out which streets to walk for quickest route from home!
BTW Just noticed that the three women I met all had names beginning with M!!! Twilight zone!!!
Well today's adventure continued with my trip to Mosta, which is in the centre of Malta and has a cathedral noted for the fact that during WW2 a bomb fell through the roof in the middle of a church service. It did not explode!!! How's that for a miracle!! Apparently it is still there, but I didn't get to see it because I was late arriving in Mosta (earlier power outage at home) and didn't get there till after 12 - and as you all know by now, shops, and churches it seems, close then for the afternoon siesta till 4. Also churches don't open up again in the day till summer, which isn't till June.Not to worry though, I spent a good hour in the health food shop there, chatting to the Maltese owner, Maria, and another Brit expat - Millie, a psychic medium now in Malta 2 years! I got her card and an invite to coffee/tea sometime at her apartment by the coast. Millie has a daughter living in Florida who wants her to move there next year. So a lot of our chat was on - in my opinion - why she shouldn't go!!! Actually Millie - and Maria - were telling me how healthy Malta is, the sea takes away toxins. Millie's asthma has gone away and symptoms of chronic fatigue are also disappearing since living on the island. (Maybe I should become a spokeswoman for the Malta tourist board
) After that conversation I had lunch at a cafe around the corner recommended by M & M and shared a table with a woman from Belgium, Myriam, over here for a 2 weeks holiday. So another hour talking to her, exchanging contact info with a promise to be given a tour around Aarschot if I ever find myself in Belgium! Have I said that it has been raining today? Therefore the need to do stuff indoors! I didn't bring an umbrella to Malta so I ended up buying a cheapo one for €2.50 and came on home to find a note from the post office that they were unable to deliver a parcel. Over here when that happens, as I am now learning, you have choices. a) Go to your nearest main post office (in my case in a town I would have to get a bus to), b) pay €3.50 for courier delivery or c) go online or call for the package to be sent to your local branch to be picked up the next day. I opted for c) and just had a phone call less than 5 minutes after making my online request from the post office advising me that my package will be at my requested branch tomorrow morning between 11 and 12:45 (when of course all post offices close for the rest of the day!!). Maybe I can find a job at a post office Now to consult my well worn map to figure out which streets to walk for quickest route from home! BTW Just noticed that the three women I met all had names beginning with M!!! Twilight zone!!!You sound so happy. And Malta sounds so perfect. When I came to the US there was a lady I met who was also married to a marine, like me, and she was from Malta. She told me how when she was dating her husband they had to have a chaperone walk along with them. She was not allowed to meet him on her own.
I have never even thought of Malta as a place to live. What made you decide to go there? You may have already given that story, but I can't go back through over 200 pages! Lol.
I am really enjoying your stories of life in Malta. It is amazing how happy and content you sound after being so unsettled here in the US.
May 21st 2010, 11:27 am
#3318
Just Joined
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 9
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks
May 21st 2010, 11:40 am
#3319
I can't Re-Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 21 years away.
Posts: 781
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks
Hi.
Regarding the leaving of the grown up kids all I can say is, yes it is hard. But there comes a point in time where you have to do what's right for you. You said your kids are very supportive, so that is a huge bonus. Your fear is real, but by leaving the decision longer and longer that fear won't lessen, and those adult kids will be even older.
Sounds to me like you have brought up strong independent kids who are perfectly able to take care of themselves. And they are happy with the decision you are thinking of acting on.
Now surely it's about time you take care of you.
These days there is email, Skype, instant messaging. There are so many easy ways of staying in touch. Of course it will be hard. But as I said, delaying the decision won't make it any easier. I wish you the best. Go with your heart and gut.
May 21st 2010, 12:21 pm
#3320
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Charleston SC, USA, North Yorkshire, now Malta
Posts: 632
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Hi.
Regarding the leaving of the grown up kids all I can say is, yes it is hard. But there comes a point in time where you have to do what's right for you. You said your kids are very supportive, so that is a huge bonus. Your fear is real, but by leaving the decision longer and longer that fear won't lessen, and those adult kids will be even older.
Sounds to me like you have brought up strong independent kids who are perfectly able to take care of themselves. And they are happy with the decision you are thinking of acting on.
Now surely it's about time you take care of you.
These days there is email, Skype, instant messaging. There are so many easy ways of staying in touch. Of course it will be hard. But as I said, delaying the decision won't make it any easier. I wish you the best. Go with your heart and gut.
Regarding the leaving of the grown up kids all I can say is, yes it is hard. But there comes a point in time where you have to do what's right for you. You said your kids are very supportive, so that is a huge bonus. Your fear is real, but by leaving the decision longer and longer that fear won't lessen, and those adult kids will be even older.
Sounds to me like you have brought up strong independent kids who are perfectly able to take care of themselves. And they are happy with the decision you are thinking of acting on.
Now surely it's about time you take care of you.
These days there is email, Skype, instant messaging. There are so many easy ways of staying in touch. Of course it will be hard. But as I said, delaying the decision won't make it any easier. I wish you the best. Go with your heart and gut.
May 21st 2010, 12:40 pm
#3321
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Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Charleston SC, USA, North Yorkshire, now Malta
Posts: 632
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Anna, I agree, please keep posting on here of your adventure in Malta. I am seriously tempted to come out there too! You should see if the Maltese Tourist Board need anyone to do write ups...you are doing a perfect job.
You sound so happy. And Malta sounds so perfect. When I came to the US there was a lady I met who was also married to a marine, like me, and she was from Malta. She told me how when she was dating her husband they had to have a chaperone walk along with them. She was not allowed to meet him on her own.
I have never even thought of Malta as a place to live. What made you decide to go there? You may have already given that story, but I can't go back through over 200 pages! Lol.
I am really enjoying your stories of life in Malta. It is amazing how happy and content you sound after being so unsettled here in the US.
You sound so happy. And Malta sounds so perfect. When I came to the US there was a lady I met who was also married to a marine, like me, and she was from Malta. She told me how when she was dating her husband they had to have a chaperone walk along with them. She was not allowed to meet him on her own.
I have never even thought of Malta as a place to live. What made you decide to go there? You may have already given that story, but I can't go back through over 200 pages! Lol.
I am really enjoying your stories of life in Malta. It is amazing how happy and content you sound after being so unsettled here in the US.
May I add that Malta is not for everyone I have heard it said that either you love it or hate it, nothing in between. I am not a materialistic person, I don't need much to be happy, but I do like variety. And Malta has plenty of that to offer! There is always something new for me to see, hear, do. My pleasures are simple, I can be excited by going up on the roof, as I did today, hanging out my washing, and suddenly hearing the sound of chidren's voices singing in Italian over the rooftops! From a loudspeaker or radio at full volume, I don't know, just another example of the vivaciousness and passion that seem to exude from this island. I have heard that the Maltese are becoming more stressed. I am sure there are negatives to living here, and no doubt, in due course, they will be revealed to me But for now, bring it on!!!
May 21st 2010, 1:37 pm
#3322
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,198
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks
My oldest daughter (married, with 3 children) is 33 and not very supportive of my move. She isn't particularly crazy about my husband. (I am divorced from her natural father.)
My middle son (married) is 31 and on Mother's Day he and his wife announced that she is expecting their first child and is due in December. You can imagine how that made me feel!
My youngest daughter (single) is 27 - and I guess, more like me. She intends to return to Fairbanks, Alaska to live where, up until last year, she had lived for 5 years.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am bored and tired of living where I live in South Carolina. It is "home" to me - I have lived and worked here for over 30 years and raised my children here, but 7 years ago, after having a taste of living in England for a short time, nothing has ever seemed the same, and I am so ready to go.
But ... that doesn't mean it's easy. It's not. It hurts. I feel like I am "abandoning" them - even though we truly don't have a whole lot to do with each other on a daily basis as they are all so busy with their lives.
All I can say is that I guess we have to be open to the pain and sorrow but continue to move on. And, yes, thankfully today's technology makes it so easy to stay in touch. (Pat, a co-worker of mine, has a 3-year old granddaughter who lives in Maryland. Before Pat comes to work each morning, she and her granddaughter watch 30 minutes worth of cartoons together via Skype . How cool is that?!)
It will never be easy
but few things in life are. It's your turn now - you must do what is right for you.Hugs,
Denise
May 21st 2010, 6:31 pm
#3323
I can't Re-Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 21 years away.
Posts: 781
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Very good advice, Sue, it is always hard to leave our children, but as you say, they are independent, have their own lives to lead, and we have to let them go. It can be extremely difficult for some parents to do this, as we spend so much time caring and raising our babies and can remain very close to them even as they age. But in this century it is inevitable that we will all be pulled/pushed or even drift further apart physically That doesn't mean we are apart in other ways. I am now in Malta. I have one grown son in Oregon, the other about to move from South Carolina to Boston. I, and probably they, have no idea how long they will remain there. Everyone is on the move. We don't need to know every single detail that is going on in our loved ones lives. I hear from my sons when I need to, that is when they feel they need their mother, and when I feel I need more contact with them. Then we can talk for hours on the phone or through Skype. At other times it is sufficient that I carry them in my heart and and think of them every day. If we parents are busy and happy in our own lives, and we know our children are also content in theirs, then that is all that is necessary.
May 21st 2010, 6:56 pm
#3324
Home at last
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Beautiful UK
Posts: 866
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks
It is very heart breaking. Three of mine came with me and one stayed behind. My 29 yo son is still in Florida. No, it doesnt get easier, at least for me. I have always been so close to my kids that I miss him terribly. I have been back for 5 years now and I have been back there for a week every year as I also have sisters and my mum there. I have to say that I think I miss him more than he misses me. He loves and misses us but he does have his own busy life, and he has been fine.
He has mentioned lately though that he and his girlfriend would both love to come over next year for a few months visit. I am sooo happy about that and I am hoping that maybe...just maybe he will eventually make the move here as well. He has said that it's possible. I made sure I registered all mine British to make the option easier for them as they are now all dual.
You have to look at your own happiness, as even though it would be hard for them, if the shoe was on the other foot, they would probably make the move.
Who knows, if they miss you, maybe they will think of coming over one day??
May 21st 2010, 9:18 pm
#3325
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Wonderful thread, cant wait to read up and learn.
Little bit about myself, lived in NH USA for 13 years been unhappy living here all that time, not a day gone by without wondering why.
I moved here with hubby on a job transfer and 3 young children they are now almost 18 twins and a 19 half year old.
We have a huge mortgage with almost no equity, never been able to afford to save, trying to find ways to get twins into college, and me I am looking for ways to get back home, either alone or with anyone who wants to come. My life is starting over, very soon.
I am saddened by the stories of losing homes, but agree great advice to just give up on the mortgage, if hubby was interested in returing I would show him this. He is not though and I think i will be going it alone, Have wonderful friends and family back in the UK who I know will help me out.
Good luck everyone.
I am 58 and ready to move on and back!
Little bit about myself, lived in NH USA for 13 years been unhappy living here all that time, not a day gone by without wondering why.
I moved here with hubby on a job transfer and 3 young children they are now almost 18 twins and a 19 half year old.
We have a huge mortgage with almost no equity, never been able to afford to save, trying to find ways to get twins into college, and me I am looking for ways to get back home, either alone or with anyone who wants to come. My life is starting over, very soon.
I am saddened by the stories of losing homes, but agree great advice to just give up on the mortgage, if hubby was interested in returing I would show him this. He is not though and I think i will be going it alone, Have wonderful friends and family back in the UK who I know will help me out.
Good luck everyone.
I am 58 and ready to move on and back!
It seems that you are ready to move back to UK as soon as possible, with or without your Hubby and family, wont that be so very hard for you to do? I mean emotionally, but you say that you have family and friends back in UK if you dont mind me asking are your parents still alive?
Rodney.
May 21st 2010, 9:38 pm
#3326
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Anna we are not letting you go anywhere. I know i'm not just speaking for myself when i say how much we all enjoy hearing about your new life. Please keep on posting, you make us laugh and brighten up our days. I can't wait to hear about your next adventure.
Take care and enjoy Chris
Take care and enjoy Chris
Your not going anywhere my friend,
May 21st 2010, 11:05 pm
#3327
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 47
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Hi all. Lovely to hear progress on everybody on this site. I have been viewing this site with interest - quite a while now. I haven't posted much as I'm a very private person ( more's the pity really). However, I feel compelled to enquire -where are you Eastern Dawn - no word fom you in ages, how is the job - you had some concerns last time you posted. Hope all is OK. Flea also, how has it gone with your OH new job???? Hope you are both doing OK. It will be our turn soon - feel like we're a bit out of this forum as we're in South Africa and nobody else on here hails from there.. Will be retiring end of June then will put house on market and make a start - did consider Oz since daughter is there and climate wise it would suit us after so many years here but OH thinks "better the devil we know". We'll see but, meanwhile interested in how you "old timers" are doing. Do hope you're all OK.
May 21st 2010, 11:18 pm
#3328
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto, but not for long, Inshallah
Posts: 248
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
Hi all. Lovely to hear progress on everybody on this site. I have been viewing this site with interest - quite a while now. I haven't posted much as I'm a very private person ( more's the pity really). However, I feel compelled to enquire -where are you Eastern Dawn - no word fom you in ages, how is the job - you had some concerns last time you posted. Hope all is OK. Flea also, how has it gone with your OH new job???? Hope you are both doing OK. It will be our turn soon - feel like we're a bit out of this forum as we're in South Africa and nobody else on here hails from there.. Will be retiring end of June then will put house on market and make a start - did consider Oz since daughter is there and climate wise it would suit us after so many years here but OH thinks "better the devil we know". We'll see but, meanwhile interested in how you "old timers" are doing. Do hope you're all OK.
I have also lived in South Africa - I actually grew up in Zimbabwe, and lived in Jo'burg for 13 years. Now in Canada and unhappily watching and waiting for the right moment to make our escape back to UK!!
May 21st 2010, 11:49 pm
#3329
Home Sweet Home
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 5,128
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I have read so many of your helpful words but have not found what I need. Do any of you feel heart broken at the thought of leaving your adult kids yet you know you have no option as you are so deeply unhappy with being so far from friends and family from the old country. How do we get to the place of emotional acceptance at leaving the grown up kids. Does it hurt less as time passes. We need to go - we cant live here any more as we have no support system and miss so much about Britain.We also cant afford to stay in Australia - housing costs are a nightmare we will never get out of the money mire and can live so much cheaper in Scotland, Children are very supportive of us and look forward to heaps of Scottish holidays but i am still fearful. We have felt lonely for a long time and our two kids need to be free to live their own lives . We also need to find the community we crave amoung friends from the past that we are close to. can any one relate to any of this. Thanks
This is something nobody can tell you - you have to do it for yourself to find out if you can handle the emotions involved.
I moved back to the UK in April 2009 and came back here in April 2010 after one year back home. I REALLY REALLY thought I could stay over there and live out my days, HOWEVER the reality was I couldn't do it. I felt like I had "abandoned" my kids and grand-kids over here in Australia with no other family support system while I was over there in the UK with my close knit family of about 20 people.
If Australia was just a few hours away like the USA or Canada not 24 hours flight like it is to Australia, and the airfare was just say $700.00 as against $2000.00+ then I know my decision to come back here would have been different.
Believe me, if my kids and grand-kids weren't here there is NO WAY I would have come back to live in Australia, I never realised just how much I LOVE my own country.
BUT the decision I/we made in 1981 to emigrate to Australia with 2 young children who are now "Aussie's" and have Aussie partners and kids and quite frankly can't afford to be popping back to the UK for a holiday every year has left me no choice but to live out my days here if I want to have them in my life.
I left a good job in England with a rent free flat in Somerset (see past posts on this thread), left my ageing mother, 2 sisters, brother, assorted spouses, nieces, nephews and their kids to come back here. At the moment I am living at my daughter's place sharing a bed with my youngest grand-daughter and desperately trying to find a job. I have applied for 23 jobs so far with no interviews, am too scared to get a flat on my own in case I can't get a job soon enough and then will be eating into what little money I have left to pay rent. I am getting the "dole" but that is not enough to get your own place on, I just give my daughter money towards the housekeeping. I still have all my stuff in storage with more coming from the UK shortly and have started waking up really early every morning worrying about my future here.
But anyway like I said this is a very personal decision and nobody on here or any other forum or in fact any other person in your life can prepare you for how YOU will feel.
Maybe you will get back there and it will all work out for you and I do so hope this is the case, or maybe you will get back and find you just can't do it like I did. Australia is just toooooooo far away from the UK.
Good luck and my sincere good wishes in whatever you do.
Last edited by Beedubya; May 21st 2010 at 11:52 pm.
May 22nd 2010, 12:22 am
#3330
Just Joined
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 9
Re: OVER 50's & 60's MOVING BACK TO THE UK.
I can relate to everthing you have said and am fearful that we will get overthere only to find we cant make it work. I dont really like Australia - it is rough and without the kind of culture we yearn for . It does have one beautiful person whom I adore and thats is our beloved daughter. She is happy here she has her partner and soon they will marry and hope to have children. We have the potential for meaning ful friendships in Scotland and meaninful work - She has lived with our sadness for a long time and I know it burdens her. We are viewing our return as being for about ten years and not for ever. Our daughter is excited at the thought of us going as she loves Scotland and regards our being there as a chance for her to visit often, Will she actuallybe able to afford to - thats the huge question. We will pull our money for fares but it is all very very scary and my husband and I are wishing like hell we could actually talk to foks face to face about some of the issues,