Originally Posted by Ruby Murray

Best of luck going back home Chelle....you know in your heart that this time is now the last time.....your mum is blessed with having such a loving and thoughtful daughter to be coming home in support of her illness. It's what any one of us would do, or try to do at best. I wish my OH felt the natural need to go back home to spend whatever time he has left with his mum (she is in the late stages of motor neurone disease), but it's still not enough to shake him to his senses

Here's to the New Year for you and your family - may your mum win the battle
Ruby x

Originally Posted by theyoungs

Thank you so much for your kind words Ruby.

On the contrary, I believe that I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom who has been there for me always regardless of what her feelings and thoughts have been.

She is still questioning me to this day as to whether we are doing the right thing by going back.

I have the constant battle with the whole "head and heart scenario" but when something like this happens, you realise that you only have one mom, dad, special friend etc and I don't quite know how I would cope if the unforgiveable happened or when people start to grow old etc.

I know I want to be there and not stuck on the other side of the world.

I want my life to be happy and content and to always have that pang of guilt eating away at me inside wouldn't be good.

I am so sorry to hear about your OH's mother, we are all different and all deal with situations differently.

We all have alot of baggage to carry with us. There's no doubt about it, it's tough.

Best wishes to you and yours Ruby

Chelle xx

Originally Posted by cricket1

If you have a really loving family, you can get through anything together. It's good that you're going home to be there for your mum. I'm sure both you and her will grow huge in strength just by being with each other.

I have not got good family issues. I have two adult children who have been very angry with me for the last 3 years because moving to Australia wasn't what they wanted. When I arrived here in support of my ex husband and his career, he had tricked me into moving over here (he is Australian). He emptied the bank accounts, left me stranded here, took me to court for 70% of the assets, etc, etc. He told a lot of lies to everyone in an attempt to discredit me to pile on the pressure to make me give in, long story.
I survived and I have rebuilt my life but my children have treated me with a great deal of spite (they are adults) because I wouldn't take my ex husband back when he realised he wouldn't get his 70%. The three of them have been waging a really unpleasant war against me since excluding me from all family life and occasions. My son got engaged and didn't tell me and all those kind of things.
No matter how much I tried to resolve things, they seemed to enjoy holding me to ransom, not speaking to me, not sharing any part of their lives with me. I honestly think it's all been about punishment because mum didn't do what they wanted.
The worst thing was, when my ex husband was doing his best to bully me into signing an agreement for much less, I was living alone totally friendless and with no family, in a house with no furniture (he'd taken it). I slept on a blow up mattress for months and that was it. There wasn't a TV or anything.
My son lived 15 minutes away at his girlfriends mothers house and sat down a meal every night with the whole family while I went back to an empty house every night and lived off a tin of soup.

Two days ago, both my kids suddenly got in touch 'because it's Christmas'. I think the credit crunch has something to do with it along with the fact that i'm now financially secure and happy.
I feel angry, mixed up, sad, all kinds of emotions because on the one hand I do want them back but on the other, I recognise that I've reared the most selfish pair of kids that took sides with my ex husband to control what their mum did.
I'm very upset about the whole thing today and now I'll have to apologise to everyone for posting on this thread. It was the family thing, it made me cry.

Originally Posted by cricket1

Thankyou Chelle, I'm glad if you've found my posts helpful. That makes a bad experience count for something if someone else can benefit.
I do need to apologise because this is Ezzie's thread and it's about her current experiences and dilemma about possibly moving to the UK, not for my whinging. Thanks though.

Originally Posted by Black Sheep

Please do continue Ezzie, you are certainly right that there are more 'silent types' among us forumites who enjoy and appreciate hearing your unique and honest perspective... enough said.

Originally Posted by happy4

The Lickey Hills are on my doorstep, we love it there.

Originally Posted by happy4

Hi everyone,

Enjoying reading the thread, especially as I am sitting in my home in Kings Heath, Birmingham! Ezzie, it has brought a smile to my face as I obviously recognise all of the places you have mentioned. For those of you who don't know me, I lived in Australia for nearly 2 years, we went with my OH's job and our children, then 3 and 1. I returned this year with my children (soon to ex husband still lives in Sydney, it's a long story) and these are my experiences of Birmingham....

I generally find the people here very friendly.

My son's School is quite amazing, a small Roman Catholic School with lovely children and parents, a real Community spirit. His reading and writing is amazing already and I am looking forward to his nativity tomorrow night.

My daughter's nursery is situated near a Council Estate, Allen's croft Children's Centre and quite simply it 'saved us' when we returned. The staff are amzing, many have been there for years, lots of mum's as Volunteers. The head of the centre has recently been awarded 'Headteacher' of the year, she was presented this award by Jeremy Vine (from Radio 2), a huge achievement for the centre which I now work at 2 days a week.

I go to College, studying for an a level in Law, lots of kind and helpful people there.

Last weekend we went to The Botanical Garden's for a Christmas Fair and had a beautiful day there, sunshine and father Christmas, a gorgeous day.
My son (now 5) has been chosen, after a trial to join a Swimming Club, based at Kings Edward's School on the Bristol Road. He will hopefully progress onto competitions if he wants to.

I have been to Zurich to visit an old friend and absolutely loved it!

The Lickey Hills are on my doorstep, we love it there.

I think my aunt and uncle are prob a good example to tell you all about, if you don't mind. Live in Cotteridge, (one of those inner city places, like me!!). Their eldest daughter is about to complete a maths degree in Cardiff, their son is taking a Law degree at B'ham Uni, their other son has played for the U16's Englad Rugby Team and now goes to Bromsgrove School (he is sponsored for the Rugby) and their other daughter attends a secondary school, Bishop Challoner in Kings Heath where the Head has recently been awarded an OBE for her work at the School.

I love living in Birmingham and so do my kids. I felt very alone in Oz, just like I didn't fit really. I think LouiseD kind of thinks the same as me. When sitting with my kids on Saturday, putting the finishing touches to our tree, I thought there is no other place I would rather be. I think huge opportunities exist here for my children. They are happy, we have a lovely home and we could be anywhere when we're at home, happiness comes from within the home.

I saw 'rough' parts in Oz, of course there are places I wouldn't venture into here in Birmingham but I have seen little of this 'yob' culture that Ezzie describes, my neighbours children are very polite and well mannered and most of them go to St Paul's in Edgbaston, a highly regarded School. A few go to Kings Edwards, Camp Hill in Kings Heath, an amazing School too.

I love Birmingham! It's our home! Ezzie, I hope you can all reach a decision that you are all happy with. axx

Originally Posted by theyoungs

Thank you so much for your kind words Ruby.

On the contrary, I believe that I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom who has been there for me always regardless of what her feelings and thoughts have been.

She is still questioning me to this day as to whether we are doing the right thing by going back.

I have the constant battle with the whole "head and heart scenario" but when something like this happens, you realise that you only have one mom, dad, special friend etc and I don't quite know how I would cope if the unforgiveable happened or when people start to grow old etc.

I know I want to be there and not stuck on the other side of the world.

I want my life to be happy and content and to always have that pang of guilt eating away at me inside wouldn't be good.

I am so sorry to hear about your OH's mother, we are all different and all deal with situations differently.

We all have alot of baggage to carry with us. There's no doubt about it, it's tough.

Best wishes to you and yours Ruby

Chelle xx

Originally Posted by ezzie

There doesn't seem to be a post icon that truthfully describes my level of frustration at the moment...car's stuffed. Rang AA as listed on Europcar (don't EVER hire from this company) agreement. After 30 mins of expensive, frustrating calls with given no's not working, people 'not trained in taking calls (what the???), transfers because 'car no longer in warranty' ??? Finally found that the car is actually covered by RAC!

They're on their way apparently.

Meanwhile I tried calling the Brum office where we hired it from (and don't get me started on the shocking lack of customer service there) - they've obviously decided not to answer their phones...for over an hour.

So....several calls to Europcar head office to speak to a humourless customer service chap who just seems to want to pass the problem onto someone else.

Finally, I get told 'someone will call you back'....waiting, waiting, waiting!

Europcar is essentially a group of franchises and we seem to have hit a particularly stupid bunch at Bristol Road. Honestly, the list of problems we've had with them is rapidly becoming endless.

Hired last time through Europcar and had similar problems with Europcar. Found out too late from a travel agent that they've a reputation for lack of service. Oh well, next time Budget or Hertz!

Whilst I'm waiting for call from Europcar or visit from RAC, I'll tell you a little about our trip to the Job Centre yesterday, but before I look like all I can do is whinge, I must stick in that we went for a fabulous carvery for £3.50 last night! Smashing stuff...all the roast spuds you could fit on a plate. Kids had a great time.

Now Job Centre. Well, they have a handy phone service so you can ring any of the departments from there for free. This is great as it seems that most things you need to set-up are all done over the phone now.

The first thing we noticed was the amazing no. of security guards there! I counted 3, but the kids said there were heaps more down the back of the room. I directed the kids to some comfy chairs whilst I hit the phones, but they were cleared off them (they're for people with appointments only) and told to stand.

They dutifully stood to the side of the room out of people's way but were approached again and told to stop leaning against the room as....wait for it, wait for it............"it's an OH & S issue"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhow. I got confused by pensions (I don't think the girl on the phone really knew either) so will need to do a bit more reading on this.

Child benefits cut out completely if you've a joint income over £60,000.

Job seekers allowance - you're essentially not eligible if you've over £16,000 in savings.

Very simplistic, but essentially, we'd not be eligible for anything on arrival - nor, if we'd never stepped out the country. The system is set-up to support the desperately needy, but it's also a system which doesn't benefit anyone from saving or working!

Right...off to ring RAC & Europcar again! Apologies for cantankerous tone...I'm really cheesed off.

Originally Posted by ezzie

Child benefits cut out completely if you've a joint income over £60,000.

Originally Posted by TillyG

You should be entitled to Child Benefit (used to be called Family Allowance in the olden days) (about £18 per week for 1st child, then £11-ish for subsequent children.. not sure of exact amounts, could be more now as it's been a while since I claimed it). Everybody should be entitled to that - it's not means-tested as I think it's felt that the cost of administration if pointless.

However, IIRC your children weren't born in the UK were they? (I seem to recall you saying you'd been in Aus for 20+ years?) So I'm not 100% sure whether you'd be entitled to Child Benefit (I would have thought you would be though).

However, tax credits *do* have a cut-off point. Check out www.entitledto.co.uk .