I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Apr 2nd 2013, 5:14 am
#571
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: The Beautiful South, UK
Posts: 931
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Apr 2nd 2013, 6:47 am
#572
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Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
How's it all going Miss betty? Do you have a blog at all about moving back?
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
Apr 2nd 2013, 7:39 am
#573
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: The Beautiful South, UK
Posts: 931
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
How's it all going Miss betty? Do you have a blog at all about moving back?
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
I moved back to the UK when I was 14 for all intents and purposes a little Aussie, my classmates were all very curious but in a good way. I used to tell them stories about riding to school on a kangaroo - just for fun! I've always been a bit of a joker and have been that way most of my life.
I had a good life in the UK, always had a lot of friends too, first in the Navy, then uni then the police and finally as a paramedic. There were bumps along the way but I always felt I was generally a very happy, loving out going person - until I came back to Australia................
Right from the start I knew it was a mistake. I got downgraded at work immediately, the other paramedics spoke to me like shit, the nurses were evil to me and I could not make any friends. Every night I would go home to my empty little house and drink wine with a heavy heart, pretending to my family and friends back home that everything was ok.
I refused to give up though so I took a posting to a single officer station in the Outback, it gave me a break from the other staff and I met a man, a fellow Pom whom I fell madly in love with. For the first time in ages I was really happy, I went back to the UK for a holiday but swore I'd never go back. I had my man, the job was getting better and we were making plans for the future. Then it all fell apart............
He got another job (with my help) and he was supposed to help me get a job too so we could move out to the coast together as we were sick of the Outback. He had an ex wife and 2 kids (whom he went to visit every other weekend) so it wouldn't be easy but I trusted him and thought that we could survive anything - turns out I was wrong. Just before he started his new job he said things were 'difficult' and we needed to take a break for a while, I was confused but I agreed as I wanted it to work. As I watched him drive away one sunny afternoon, leaving me all alone in the middle of nowhere I had a feeling of dread in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I'm not ashamed to say I stood there, frozen to the spot, tears pouring down my face - I've never felt so lost in my life.
I got very depressed which I'd never experienced before in my life, I was completely alone out there with no friends, no man and no family. I decided to go and visit him as a surprise and see if we could talk and was shocked to find him happily living it up in his new job - with his wife and kids - turns out he had never left her. She kicked him out but then took him back and then turned her venom on me. I also found out he'd done this to two other women and that's when I decided enough was enough, I needed to go home.
I didn't want to feel like I was running away though so I got the job where I am now 2 years ago and styled it out. I made new friends, I saved my money, I got my citizenship, she bombarded me with hate mail/texts/calls telling me to f*** off back to the UK but I stuck it out and changed my number several times. There were days when I felt like I just couldn't even get out of bed but eventually I got stronger and stronger and I realised I wanted to go home not because of the mess I'd gotten myself into but because I missed my family and the UK, I just didn't like living in Australia at all - simple as that.
So what have I learnt about myself? Well I'm stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible, I have much more empathy for people now and, even though I am NOT as trusting as I used to be, I will go out of my way to help anyone who needs it. Has it challenged my identity? Yes for a while but not now. I had to adapt, swallow my pride on so many occasions to 'fit in' but now I don't want to be here anymore and I don't give a s*** anymore quite frankly! I don't want to keep trying to fit in with these people with whom I have nothing in common, putting up with their bullshit for fear of being labelled a 'whinging Pom' or not being invited to things. I have SUCH a great pride in being British now, I love my country more than anything and I finally realise that everything I wanted/needed was right there under my nose the whole time, I just couldn't see it!
The whole experience has cost me a lot of money and a lot of tears but would I change it? No, not a thing - honestly I wouldn't, I'm a better person for it and I'm grateful I have a great life to go back to.
Last edited by MissBetty; Apr 2nd 2013 at 8:20 am.
Apr 2nd 2013, 7:54 am
#574
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Wow, thanks for the answer. You hit the bloody nail on the head for me, 'trying to fit in' I spent years doing that in my family of origin and realised that living over here was much of the same. That's why my sense of belonging has been so challenged, and of course they just don't get my quirky sense of humour, but who gives a shite? That's why I love your troppo thread, makes me laugh and think all at the same time.
Apr 2nd 2013, 8:09 am
#575
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Wow, thanks for the answer. You hit the bloody nail on the head for me, 'trying to fit in' I spent years doing that in my family of origin and realised that living over here was much of the same. That's why my sense of belonging has been so challenged, and of course they just don't get my quirky sense of humour, but who gives a shite? That's why I love your troppo thread, makes me laugh and think all at the same time.
In recent weeks I've just stopped calling people here, some of them have called me, not many but I don't care anymore. I don't belong here but I do have somewhere that I do belong, with people who love me for who I am and that is the best feeling in the world
Apr 2nd 2013, 8:23 am
#576
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Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
but I do have somewhere that I do belong, with people who love me for who I am and that is the best feeling in the world [/QUOTE]
I think the 'troppo' followers love you for who you are also, I've laughed so much reading this thread that it hurt. We are your 'groupies'.
Bugger, I still can't get this quoting thing right. Sometimes in a box, somtimes not, what am I doing wrong/
[/QUOTE]I think the 'troppo' followers love you for who you are also, I've laughed so much reading this thread that it hurt. We are your 'groupies'.
Bugger, I still can't get this quoting thing right. Sometimes in a box, somtimes not, what am I doing wrong/
Apr 2nd 2013, 8:29 am
#577
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: The Beautiful South, UK
Posts: 931
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
I think the 'troppo' followers love you for who you are also, I've laughed so much reading this thread that it hurt. We are your 'groupies'.
Bugger, I still can't get this quoting thing right. Sometimes in a box, somtimes not, what am I doing wrong/[/QUOTE]
Oh bless you that did make me laugh! I'm always honest about things on here, when I'm happy, I'm happy, when I'm sad, I'm sad, when I stuff up I admit to it.
I love my BE 'family' - the kindness of strangers never fails to amaze me and it gives me hope for the human race that there are just so many good people out there
Apr 2nd 2013, 11:50 am
#578
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Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Oh wow ok thats very interesting, no I don't have a blog but I will try to answer you as honestly as I can!
I moved back to the UK when I was 14 for all intents and purposes a little Aussie, my classmates were all very curious but in a good way. I used to tell them stories about riding to school on a kangaroo - just for fun! I've always been a bit of a joker and have been that way most of my life.
I had a good life in the UK, always had a lot of friends too, first in the Navy, then uni then the police and finally as a paramedic. There were bumps along the way but I always felt I was generally a very happy, loving out going person - until I came back to Australia................
Right from the start I knew it was a mistake. I got downgraded at work immediately, the other paramedics spoke to me like shit, the nurses were evil to me and I could not make any friends. Every night I would go home to my empty little house and drink wine with a heavy heart, pretending to my family and friends back home that everything was ok.
I refused to give up though so I took a posting to a single officer station in the Outback, it gave me a break from the other staff and I met a man, a fellow Pom whom I fell madly in love with. For the first time in ages I was really happy, I went back to the UK for a holiday but swore I'd never go back. I had my man, the job was getting better and we were making plans for the future. Then it all fell apart............
He got another job (with my help) and he was supposed to help me get a job too so we could move out to the coast together as we were sick of the Outback. He had an ex wife and 2 kids (whom he went to visit every other weekend) so it wouldn't be easy but I trusted him and thought that we could survive anything - turns out I was wrong. Just before he started his new job he said things were 'difficult' and we needed to take a break for a while, I was confused but I agreed as I wanted it to work. As I watched him drive away one sunny afternoon, leaving me all alone in the middle of nowhere I had a feeling of dread in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I'm not ashamed to say I stood there, frozen to the spot, tears pouring down my face - I've never felt so lost in my life.
I got very depressed which I'd never experienced before in my life, I was completely alone out there with no friends, no man and no family. I decided to go and visit him as a surprise and see if we could talk and was shocked to find him happily living it up in his new job - with his wife and kids - turns out he had never left her. She kicked him out but then took him back and then turned her venom on me. I also found out he'd done this to two other women and that's when I decided enough was enough, I needed to go home.
I didn't want to feel like I was running away though so I got the job where I am now 2 years ago and styled it out. I made new friends, I saved my money, I got my citizenship, she bombarded me with hate mail/texts/calls telling me to f*** off back to the UK but I stuck it out and changed my number several times. There were days when I felt like I just couldn't even get out of bed but eventually I got stronger and stronger and I realised I wanted to go home not because of the mess I'd gotten myself into but because I missed my family and the UK, I just didn't like living in Australia at all - simple as that.
So what have I learnt about myself? Well I'm stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible, I have much more empathy for people now and, even though I am NOT as trusting as I used to be, I will go out of my way to help anyone who needs it. Has it challenged my identity? Yes for a while but not now. I had to adapt, swallow my pride on so many occasions to 'fit in' but now I don't want to be here anymore and I don't give a s*** anymore quite frankly! I don't want to keep trying to fit in with these people with whom I have nothing in common, putting up with their bullshit for fear of being labelled a 'whinging Pom' or not being invited to things. I have SUCH a great pride in being British now, I love my country more than anything and I finally realise that everything I wanted/needed was right there under my nose the whole time, I just couldn't see it!
The whole experience has cost me a lot of money and a lot of tears but would I change it? No, not a thing - honestly I wouldn't, I'm a better person for it and I'm grateful I have a great life to go back to.
I moved back to the UK when I was 14 for all intents and purposes a little Aussie, my classmates were all very curious but in a good way. I used to tell them stories about riding to school on a kangaroo - just for fun! I've always been a bit of a joker and have been that way most of my life.
I had a good life in the UK, always had a lot of friends too, first in the Navy, then uni then the police and finally as a paramedic. There were bumps along the way but I always felt I was generally a very happy, loving out going person - until I came back to Australia................
Right from the start I knew it was a mistake. I got downgraded at work immediately, the other paramedics spoke to me like shit, the nurses were evil to me and I could not make any friends. Every night I would go home to my empty little house and drink wine with a heavy heart, pretending to my family and friends back home that everything was ok.
I refused to give up though so I took a posting to a single officer station in the Outback, it gave me a break from the other staff and I met a man, a fellow Pom whom I fell madly in love with. For the first time in ages I was really happy, I went back to the UK for a holiday but swore I'd never go back. I had my man, the job was getting better and we were making plans for the future. Then it all fell apart............
He got another job (with my help) and he was supposed to help me get a job too so we could move out to the coast together as we were sick of the Outback. He had an ex wife and 2 kids (whom he went to visit every other weekend) so it wouldn't be easy but I trusted him and thought that we could survive anything - turns out I was wrong. Just before he started his new job he said things were 'difficult' and we needed to take a break for a while, I was confused but I agreed as I wanted it to work. As I watched him drive away one sunny afternoon, leaving me all alone in the middle of nowhere I had a feeling of dread in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I'm not ashamed to say I stood there, frozen to the spot, tears pouring down my face - I've never felt so lost in my life.
I got very depressed which I'd never experienced before in my life, I was completely alone out there with no friends, no man and no family. I decided to go and visit him as a surprise and see if we could talk and was shocked to find him happily living it up in his new job - with his wife and kids - turns out he had never left her. She kicked him out but then took him back and then turned her venom on me. I also found out he'd done this to two other women and that's when I decided enough was enough, I needed to go home.
I didn't want to feel like I was running away though so I got the job where I am now 2 years ago and styled it out. I made new friends, I saved my money, I got my citizenship, she bombarded me with hate mail/texts/calls telling me to f*** off back to the UK but I stuck it out and changed my number several times. There were days when I felt like I just couldn't even get out of bed but eventually I got stronger and stronger and I realised I wanted to go home not because of the mess I'd gotten myself into but because I missed my family and the UK, I just didn't like living in Australia at all - simple as that.
So what have I learnt about myself? Well I'm stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible, I have much more empathy for people now and, even though I am NOT as trusting as I used to be, I will go out of my way to help anyone who needs it. Has it challenged my identity? Yes for a while but not now. I had to adapt, swallow my pride on so many occasions to 'fit in' but now I don't want to be here anymore and I don't give a s*** anymore quite frankly! I don't want to keep trying to fit in with these people with whom I have nothing in common, putting up with their bullshit for fear of being labelled a 'whinging Pom' or not being invited to things. I have SUCH a great pride in being British now, I love my country more than anything and I finally realise that everything I wanted/needed was right there under my nose the whole time, I just couldn't see it!
The whole experience has cost me a lot of money and a lot of tears but would I change it? No, not a thing - honestly I wouldn't, I'm a better person for it and I'm grateful I have a great life to go back to.
Apr 2nd 2013, 11:58 am
#579
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
How's it all going Miss betty? Do you have a blog at all about moving back?
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
I was reading a blog on BE from someone who said (paraphrased) that living abroad had challenged their identity so many times and that they had learned lots of new things about themselves. So if it's not too intrusive could I ask what if anything you feel you have learned about yourself by being an expat and if you have felt your identity being challenged?
For me I hadn't realised that I would feel so much of an outsider by living in NZ and that challenged my sense of belonging. It has been an interesting/frustrating/ challenging experience.
I grew up without a mum and I liken it to that in a way. Lost, confused, not understanding certain things about yourself because you don't recognise them in someone else
So when I came here, the exact same thing happened. I am just glad now that I understand what the hell happened all these years, and I can get about setting it right again
You are not alone, so hang in with us on this Magical Mystery Tour
Apr 2nd 2013, 12:46 pm
#580
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Joined: Mar 2013
Location: Lovely BOP but bloody pricey!
Posts: 47
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Just catching up with the thread before I hit the sack and Oh my goodness, wanted to cry (Miss Betty's heartbreak). You lot are just so honest on here. What can I say other than- I just ain't brave enough yet! There's so much that can be said about the trials and whatnots concerning being overseas, being away from your immediate family, kids growing up away from relatives, trying to integrate at work, the community, feeling isolated and misunderstood, people being suspicious of your reasons for leaving the UK etc etc.
I once joked at tea break with my fellow nurses that I was actually in hiding in the witness protection programme for being wanted by the Russian mafia-it took them a moment to disgest and then give half a chuckle before I laughed my socks off and then they got the joke!!
Anyway, big big thanks to all you posters and especially Miss Betty of course, very thought provoking and insightful. It'll take me a while to get warmed up to this sharing lark (which is probably one of my problems along with natural paranoia!
Ta Ta for now.
Apr 2nd 2013, 9:03 pm
#581
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Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Apr 2nd 2013, 9:05 pm
#582
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
I have had that identity change many a time, whilst trying to fit in. See, it wouldn't work one way, so I would change to try to fit in some other way. It has NEVER worked. I tried so hard that eventually I ended up not knowing who I was at all
I grew up without a mum and I liken it to that in a way. Lost, confused, not understanding certain things about yourself because you don't recognise them in someone else
So when I came here, the exact same thing happened. I am just glad now that I understand what the hell happened all these years, and I can get about setting it right again
You are not alone, so hang in with us on this Magical Mystery Tour
I grew up without a mum and I liken it to that in a way. Lost, confused, not understanding certain things about yourself because you don't recognise them in someone else
So when I came here, the exact same thing happened. I am just glad now that I understand what the hell happened all these years, and I can get about setting it right again
You are not alone, so hang in with us on this Magical Mystery Tour
Watch this! All about fitting in when your family (whoever and whatever that may be) loves you no matter what - this little dog is so special!
http://youtu.be/x2RJN9a_jdM
Last edited by MissBetty; Apr 2nd 2013 at 10:23 pm.
Apr 2nd 2013, 9:07 pm
#583
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Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2011
Location: The Beautiful South, UK
Posts: 931
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Just catching up with the thread before I hit the sack and Oh my goodness, wanted to cry (Miss Betty's heartbreak). You lot are just so honest on here. What can I say other than- I just ain't brave enough yet! There's so much that can be said about the trials and whatnots concerning being overseas, being away from your immediate family, kids growing up away from relatives, trying to integrate at work, the community, feeling isolated and misunderstood, people being suspicious of your reasons for leaving the UK etc etc.
I once joked at tea break with my fellow nurses that I was actually in hiding in the witness protection programme for being wanted by the Russian mafia-it took them a moment to disgest and then give half a chuckle before I laughed my socks off and then they got the joke!!
Anyway, big big thanks to all you posters and especially Miss Betty of course, very thought provoking and insightful. It'll take me a while to get warmed up to this sharing lark (which is probably one of my problems along with natural paranoia!
Ta Ta for now.I've still got lots of time for people I'm just not a sucker anymore and, one day, when karma finally catches up with the bastard I'll be sure to let you all know!
Apr 2nd 2013, 9:47 pm
#584
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 102
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
Ha ha! Oh he is so lovely though bless him! He's in NYC atm and we have just been chatting online for the past hour - I haven't got any paperwork done today lol - so bad!!!! God today is sooooooooooo dragging, I'm hanging out for days off, a glass of wine and some intelligent company - just over 50 hours to go
Sat here looking at the clock with less than 4 hours before I am old retired pensioner being put out to grass..
Got so called managers (oxygen wasters) telling me all the best and other such meaningless drivell while looking for ways to stab someone else in the back with a couple of me mates sat to one side smiling coz they know that its all twaddle besides which we will be getting together later for a drink or ten.
Oooooh gawd, thats three minutes closer to freedom..
Apr 2nd 2013, 10:15 pm
#585
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Posts: 931
Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!
50 hours to go ay...you want to know what dragging is I will tell ya..
Sat here looking at the clock with less than 4 hours before I am old retired pensioner being put out to grass..
Got so called managers (oxygen wasters) telling me all the best and other such meaningless drivell while looking for ways to stab someone else in the back with a couple of me mates sat to one side smiling coz they know that its all twaddle besides which we will be getting together later for a drink or ten.
Oooooh gawd, thats three minutes closer to freedom..
Sat here looking at the clock with less than 4 hours before I am old retired pensioner being put out to grass..
Got so called managers (oxygen wasters) telling me all the best and other such meaningless drivell while looking for ways to stab someone else in the back with a couple of me mates sat to one side smiling coz they know that its all twaddle besides which we will be getting together later for a drink or ten.
Oooooh gawd, thats three minutes closer to freedom..
So today is THE day eh?! Well enjoy your retirement you grumpy old bugger, keep one eye on that clock and enjoy that beer!!!!
I would say tell those oxygen thieves exactly what you think of them but I am quite sure you have already done that lol!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!