AUTOMATED NEWSFLASH FROM CAKEBOT

Impeachment proceedings commenced against Generalissimo Caketator Diddion! Trump tweets he is 'horrified' at turn of events. Says it is a Portuguese witch cakehunt. No word from Diddion or Agents. All agents to submit battle plans - reward of lifetime supply of Eccles cakes plus privileged slice of Scott Antarctic cake for acceped plan.

We're going to make a cake, a huge cake, a really beautiful cake, oh yes we are & guess who is going to pay for it! Oh yes.

No he hasn't. I kept quiet so my location stayed unknown as i'm being spied on by the enemy who are preparing to bombard my house with multiple cake throwers. I'm sure my wife is keeping them informed so she is currently tied to a kitchen chair and her mouth gaffa taped to stop any cake ingress. Putting tin hat on and disappearing behind the parapet to avoid detection.Will report back only when have reached a safe haven - anyone know of one I can go to without needing an anti-cake visa?

Quiltman - the remix - & I thought you might have been turned!

AUTOMATED QUERY FROM CAKEBOT

Query arises: has this Agent turned, or not? Is Quiltman playing a double or triple game?

Note.This question lies beyond Cakebot's programming paradigms. Can only be answered real live humans, despite their squashy squidginess and unreliability and slow, irrational computational abilities. They don't rust, though, but arguably are filled with rusty liquid. The only saving factor is their overwhelming love of cake. Otherwise, of course, my colleagues and I.......well.......

Diddion Stay where you are! The men in the white coats missed your last position,but they have a fix on you now.

AUTOMATED MESSAGE FROM CAKEBOT

Medical Corps reputed to have located Diddion, with orders to Shoot to Bake. Diddion declared 'Enema of the State'. Thought to be on the run. Arrest imminent, unless his supporters able to intervene.

AUTOMATED EPILOGUE FROM CAKEBOT

Whilst awaiting impeachment proceedings, our great Generalissimo Diddion is reported to have exploded from eating an excess of sticky toffee pudding, despite that particular victual being on the Proscribed list. All Agents are invited to post in the Book of Condolences.

Any agent wishing to take over the mantle of New Generalissimo (or even Generalissima) is encouraged to do so. HE WAS A GREAT MAN! THE FIGHT MUST GO ON!

Need proof of the demise of Didion due to all the fake news being posted - a photo of his exploded body will do.Only then will I post on the Book of Condolences. i'm currently still in hiding here as the only country I've found so far that will take cake refugees is San Marino but you need a fortune to get a visa and I'm broke. Am I a double or triple agent? If I told you then you'd have to "disappear" to protect my secret. Put it this way , Mossad have me on their list!