The only problem with the last chance saloon is that you have taught her that she can cry or sulk her way out of it.

I love how you have rationalised all of this as being normal. It’s ok to give the kids away when it’s the wrong sex and shove them into poverty for some pagpag.

There’s plenty of nicer girls and families out there is my guess.

o



Gazza-d

Your talking rubbish. I have been married to my Filipino wife for over 25 years, who incidentally I met on an aeroplane ( not internet dating). My wife lived and worked in Germany whilst I was in the U.K. After several visits vice versa she left a very highly paid job to live with me in the U.K.Incidently neither my wife or myself have been married before and have no have children, I am 63 and my wife is 56.
My wife and her family have never asked for anything, despite the fact that we are wealthy. Our wealth stemmed from the fact that we both worked together, many hours in our business.We have helped our family out in many ways, but it was our choice and they never asked or assumed we would.
My wife was born in a remote Barangay, and I can assure you 100% that the vast majority,of all young females would certainly not marry an old foreigner for financial gains.You would be surprised how strict the upbringing of children in the provinces are. They have far higher morals than than you could imagine. Too many foreigners are under the illusion that at anything goes in the Philippines and that all femails are easy game,I can assure you this is not the case.
In every case that I have come into contact with young females that are gainfully employed, they treasure their work and would not give up a low paid job because Johnny Foreigner flash’s the cash. I would also add that most of the so called security and gold diggers emminate from bars, and brothels, or are internet scammers. If Johnny Foreigner is stupid enough to fall for these type of girl sure he I is likely to find out they have many unspeakable children, and be a professional liars. I have a friend who happens to own a ‘bar’ and he has told me about the scams and lies his staff tell to trap their clients.

I would still restructure the relationship. Fixed allowance with clear understanding of no further amounts. In return, lay out what you want: company, no checking up, food, shopping etc. No kids, no marriage. If she doesn’t like it, find one that will or one that isn’t using you. The issue is when the trust dies so does a lot else.

Is she going to be there for you when you’re really old and knackered and the money tree is looking a bit yellow around the edges? I doubt it.

I wouldn’t restructure...I would run like hell. There is no doubt in my mind if the OP runs out of money...she will be off like a shot to look for another sugar daddy to keep her and her family.

Sorry to be blunt Phillosophiscal.

I’ve had a couple of expat postings in Singapore and my friends and I experienced plenty of ‘Amah Dramas’.

I was blatantly lied to my face from a Filipina housemaid who was sneaking out for the night to meet her boyfriends when my spouse and I were out for the evening (to a movie/dinner etc) whilst my kids were asleep upstairs. We lived in a maisonette with a ground floor and upper level on a condominium.

We had assumed she’d gone to bed early after the kids had gone to their beds. However, one Saturday night we got home and our son (then aged 6) said that he was woken up during a heavy thunderstorm and went downstairs to get a drink (and reassurance) from Mila, but she wasn’t answering her door.

We knocked and knocked on the door and there was no reply. I got up at 2am and tried again....still no reply, so my husband said we’d better check just in case she was very ill. He prised the lock and lo and behold....no maid. The next morning I went to the security guards at the entrance to the condominium (in reality these guys get paid very little for working long hours and we often saw them dozing late at night). One of the guards told me that he saw our maid getting on a motorbike (as a pillion passenger) at around 10pm.

As it was now a Sunday and her day off, I decided to hover around the entrance to the condo so the guards couldn’t tip her off (just in case she or her boyfriend had paid them to keep quiet). When I met her I asked her if she’d had a nice day added that I hadn’t heard her go out....what time did she leave this morning? “I left at 7am Ma’am”. I told her that I knew she hadn’t....and she swore blind to me that she had slept in her room and left at 7am that morning.

Of course, it was untenable to keep her on after leaving my children alone (what if there had been a fire?). In those days (mid 1990s) the internet was still in its infancy so in Singapore one had to go to the Ministry of Labour to cancel her work permit and the employer’s bond....and then go to a travel agency to buy an air ticket to leave Singapore. (No-one, whether expat or local would want to take on a maid who absconds, especially when in charge of children). In addition, when she was taken on it was made very clear that reasons for instant dismissal and repatriation were for ill treatment of my children, absconding and theft.

I bought a one way same day air ticket to Manila - which was expensive - and (as is the norm in Singapore) gave her an hour to pack before taking her to Changi airport.

Whilst I was out making the arrangements and my spouse was at the office, she made herself busy and picked the lock to my husbands desk drawer.....and helped herself to a substantial amount of foreign currency which he kept in an envelope as he worked all over south east Asia. We stupidly didn’t think to check the drawer when we took her to the airport.

We found out after she had left that she had regularly been going out at night after we’d gone to bed.....all the other maids on the condominium knew about it and told their employers once she’d gone, who then told me.

I know of so many ‘Amah Dramas’......they all preferred to work for Western families as they saw (and continue to see) them as a ‘soft touch’. Maids are not allowed to get pregnant in Singapore - they have to have a pregnancy test every three months and the employer forfeits their large bond to the government if the test is positive - one friend of mine asked me one day if I thought her maid might be pregnant as she seemed to be looking a bit fatter and was wearing very loose clothes, uncharacteristic for her. I looked at her and guessed (correctly) that she looked about 5 months pregnant and suggested to my friend that she should buy a home pregnancy testing kit from a pharmacy. It was positive of course.....and the maid admitted that she had swapped a urine sample with one provided by her friend at the doctor’s office. (The doctor could have been in very serious trouble if the Ministry of Labour had found out, they are supposed to feel the maid’s stomach too). This maid was also dispatched back to Manila the next day....btw the father was a sailor who was in port....

A local Chinese colleague of my husband left the office and went home one lunchtime to find a man in a dressing gown in his kitchen, cooking a meal. It turned out that the maid regularly had ‘gentleman callers’ whilst the employers were both out at work, topping up her income!

I have too many others to write up here, but most of them are based on dishonesty and/or theft and even when caught red-handed, the maids would deny, deny, deny.....and then turn on the waterworks and beg forgiveness. They are very good actors. I won’t tar them all with the same brush, there are some very nice, kind and honest maids.....but it seems to be a cultural trait to be shall I say, ‘economical with the truth’. I got fed up with all the gossip and after having another unsatisfactory Filipina housemaid, employed a Sri Lankan and then a Burmese maid.....they were wonderful.

One of my friends relocated from Singapore to Makati, Manila and she had even more dramas....her house came with two full time maids, a part time laundry woman, a pool boy and a driver. It drove her crazy....indeed when I was in their car, her driver reversed at top speed doing a turn in their cul-de-sac straight into a tree, writing off the car (a brand new Volvo). It was Christmastime and he’d been drinking vodka and partying all day. Got sacked on the spot and then it turned out he’d got one of the maids pregnant too....

To the O/P; I’ve been following your story since you started writing this thread. I’m sorry to be blunt and sad to say it but your LL surely knows how to turn on the charm.....you are her meal ticket. The way she feels about her own flesh and blood (eg. Disposable) is how she truly feels for you in her heart. Keep your dignity and find someone who you can trust.

There is a reason why a younger woman from a third world country is with a much older Western guy....and money is at the root of it. Do you think a Western woman, the same age as your LL would be expecting you to bail her out, plus her extended family?

Englishmum.

How is it possible for the L/L to take all your money and leave ? I would have thought it would be the other way round, after all she is a Filipino and your country of origin is the U.K. Your the one that should be leaving.
Too be honest she cannot take your money as it is probably not liquid (bank passwords required) however any furniture etc that you have purchased would indeed be lost forever. Surely this is a small price to pay for any future shenanigans.
i cannot help but feel that you again are making excuses for your L/Ls selfish, lieing, actions, have you no sense of judgement?
I am not trying to get at you, or put ideas into your head, however, having followed your FB pages I cannot reason why your L/L has over the time dressed and posed from a simple girl to that of someone who was born in a Western Society. Most pinnays would never wear a bikini,yet you L/L flaunts herself in many different bilkinis and outfits. Is This the behaviour expected of a loving simple,honest, trustworthy pinnay? OK you have obviously spoiled her, but if you look at the photos don’t you find it odd an old man purporting to have a much younger companion...........you would surely get some vague looks in the U.K.,
Dispite the vast majority of views on this site, why don’t you stop making excuses for her, and just get MARRIED. I don’t believe for one minute that this is the last chance saloon, but I fear you will loose everything.