steve18

It's likely you are going to need to come back here Pete. Things need sorting out. You can stay at your house until they do. Why pay to stay anywhere else? Why should you ? It's your house mate. If the ex to be don't like the idea then she can move out for awhile.

Philosophical 11

Thanks Raffin,

The position as it stands is this. We have had full financial disclosure of details and her solicitor has said that she wants to keep the house and not interested in my pension. I can certainly understand that and I can acquiesce to that. But. In addition she wants £3k as a settlement. Without going into detail, I have said I want the £2k she owes me plus a % of the house for the same % of pension. This was rejected by her. It was then mentioned that she has paid £3.5k for roof and heating repairs. Fair enough. I am happy to pay half of that but not replied as such. This is why I have asked if I can balance this by rent.

I am not happy to go back to the Uk simply because there is no guarantee of an outcome in my favour. If there was, I would go back. My lovely lady will think I am going back to my wife and reunite with my sons. So, I am trying to engage a solicitor who can handle all this in my absence.

If I cannot....then I will have to accept the consequences.

Pinay is no longer perched on my shoulder....but gone off to bed in a huff. Another story...for another day.

Best regards

Pollyana

Might be worth posting the basic details of the situation with the house/divorce settlement in the Moving Back to the UK forum - there are some guys in there who are pretty savvy about UK property issues and someone may be able to give you some guidance

Moving back to the UK - British Expats

Philosophical 11

Hi Steve,

Thanks for that. Yes, I can see where you are coming from and it sounds a plan. I still have the front door key and if I wasn't attached I would fly back tomorrow and do that. Problem is, when my lovely lady wants to go on Skype for a chat and sees my missus in the background .....she might be a bit disheartened. But yes....if things go bad here....I will be there. Like a hairy bear.

Oh...bty. I mentioned a few posts ago that gf's fathers house is leaking water and they must move? They asked my lovely lady who is paying the rent to fix it. She refused. It turns out that it cost a total of 1.5k peso. The landlord paid for the materials which was 1k.....and her father paid 500 peso for the labour.

Time to take the straps off.....

Best regards

steve18

does your lovely lady understand that you own a "Castle in England" ? and that Castle owes you money, money that will better her life with you..

tropicofcancer

Before I married my ex, I had a home 90% owned by myself, and 10% owed on the mortgage. I paid all the bills, all her money was her own, plus she "borrowed" money every month. Turned out she was helping her long term lover, with his mortgage and car loan. There were other lovers as well.
Even for adultery, divorce took one year and ten months, plus she was allowed to live in the house for a further sixteen months. Throughout the marriage, she had not contributed a penny to anything, which carried on, as long as she lived there. My solicitor advised: as she had the right of abode. I could not request any rent from her. As I had always paid all the bills, I must continue to do so. Whilst she lived there, she inflicted a lot of damage on the property, abused the gas and electric, removed most of the household items, and I was unable to get any redress. Sadly the courts are very biased against males.

KevinTREvans

Scots law divorce likes to assume a 50-50 split on everything is the desired outcome.

My only words to you Pete is get at least everything your entitled too. I cannot stress that enough Pete.

I haven't posted in a while since I was pretty cynical about your situation and if I would have the patience to keep going like you do Pete.

That was not fair of me to say those things. Rest assured Pete I wish you all the best and I am growing to be very fond of you. Not in a relationship way lol just to clarify that dude.

Philosophical 11

Greetings,

Thanks all for your kind words and advice. I have taken everything on board....nice to have support out there.

Seems I am unable to charge her rent which is what I thought. Still trying to get hold of my solicitor, e.mails seem to get returned. Will try again later today. I am thinking of deferring the financial settlement until after the divorce...but not sure if that is possible but until I contact the solicitor, all things will become clear. I really want to see how things pan out here before I start making financial decisions. Besides, it may be that once my lovely lady gets a ring on her finger and the divorce is settled, she may be more responsive for me to go back to the UK if need be.

Dale. Again thanks for your post...thought I would comment on a few things. You mentioned gratitude here. Seems to me that they do not show much sign of gratitude ...maybe its just a cultural thing. Or maybe acts of kindness from a foreigner is expected. For instance, I bought some sweets for the kids the other day and they were just snatched off me. Kinda like giving peanuts to monkeys in a zoo. Ok, the parents did berate them which is something. When gf father comes here on the scrounge for e.liquid, he will ask countless questions to make sure its ok and then accept it. Seems I have to persuade him sometimes. Gf will ask me to pass something to her, and its snatched without much of a thankyou. Culture or just bad manners?

Dale, I think you should open a thread on your story. It sounds interesting. There are people in your boat out there and its good to share experiences. I can vouch for that.

As far as waddly sister goes, I am beginning to resent her if I am honest with my self. If she showed a bit of gratitude for what I have done and doing for her then all would be ok. She has a parsimonious attitude on fb, loves adding religious posters and her selfies make me smile. She is a little overweight and has a bad complexion. But her pics are doctored to show a slim lady with great complexion. False. Maybe her bf I mentioned about last week met her on fb and was aghast to see this waddly thing meet him. Never seen him again. She was also the one who abandoned her son worm boy on the beach when he was a baby. She felt an earth tremor and ran home in terror leaving him on the beach.

Anyway...think that's all for now. Thanks for your comments again, please keep them coming.

Regards

Millhouse

I like you

Personally, I wouldn't fight over a couple of grand here and there. Fighting that 3k will cost you as much in legal fees and lot more in loss of respect with your kids (who like you both remember) to really bother with.

Everyone is different, but I watched my parents embark on a bitter painful and expensive divorce and there is no winner. When me and Mrs Millhouse split, I just gave her whatever she wanted - maintaining a civil relationship was, for me at least, much more important than the money.

Philosophical 11

Thanks Millhouse,

Yes, you are correct of course. But sadly the civility disappeared when I left her and to be honest, I cannot blame her. I was not proud of how I did it. But I was upset at what she put in the divorce petition which was grossly exaggerated at least....and lies at worst. A woman scorned.....etc.

But I need to get advice and weigh things up. Yes, she can have that 3k if need be and I will also send my blessings. But I also have to think about my future and whats fair and right for me. Our 2 sons have wished us well and have not taken sides. They certainly miss me....as much as I miss them.

Regards

KevinTREvans

Maybe just ask her what she would accept as a fair settlement then start from there Pete.

Am sure her idea of fair is not your idea of fair but it will allow you to balance up if what your losing from your side is value for a fast conclusion.

I agree with the previous commenter who measured gaining 3k against the lawyer fees. Once it's settled you can't go back and say you made a mistake.

I think you know within yourself Pete deep down what's right and wrong. Go with your gut.

Stokkevn

I think Kevin maybe right here, I did this with my second wife and she asked for about £50k less than the max I would have gone to without a fight.

Philosophical 11

Thanks both...

I think we are past the stage of an amicable settlement. Her solicitor offered a quick resolution regarding the financial settlement by suggesting I pay her £3K and she keeps the house and I keep my full pension. I countered her proposals by suggesting she pays me £2k and the house is split percentage wise with my pension. %age wise meaning up to 50%. This was rejected and I was advised to gain legal advice and complete Form E which is what the judge uses to determine how the finances should be split.

I am still trying to gain legal advice but attempts so far to contact my solicitor has so far been in vain. I shall try an alternative solicitor today. But in essence, I need to know the following: Can I be legally represented without being present at the court and can I defer the legal settlement until after the divorce. I shall try googling for the answers in the interim. Depending on what I find out, I am playing with the idea of completing the Form E and sending it back as a bluff. It may well be that the form may have to be sent to me and returned before a date is set at the court. Bluffing that I intend to return may focus the mind and result in an improved settlement.

So, things are not clear at the moment. But I can prove her claim from me for 3k is invalid, and my claim for 2k is justified. I am mindful also of solicitors costs and the expense of returning back to the UK which will include accommodation costs and car rental. Of course I have also considered that I am over a barrel and may as well throw the towel in with good grace. Once I receive professional advice, I will know in which direction to go.

Regards

KevinTREvans

Divorce is terrible dude I don't envy you.

Be mindful Pete that as we are giving you advice on here your soon to be ex wife will be getting all manner of suggestions and advice from her friends and colleagues also.

She will defiantly have been told as some point to "take you to the cleaners" and leave ya with nothing. She will have her friends telling her how your such a bastard and that "it's ok for him with his new young gf living the life of luxury of warm sunny beaches". I've seen it and heard it. Women are bitches. I've been through divorce and my gentle, soft and reasonable ex wife became a ruthless, uncaring and lying monster.

I fear you're going to get rear ended on this one Pete. Ya need to focus and get this sorted and out if your life asap.

MikeNZ

Hi

In New Zealand when then it all turns to custard the matrimonial home is normally sold or one spouse purchases the property at an agreed price.

I am on my third marriage and learnt after the first so put my property in a trust. That does not help you but if you both have an interest in the same house it would be a nightmare.

The numbers are important but can you sell the current house, take the equity buy another property, rent it and have the rental income pay the new mortgage.

That way you you do not fall off the property ladder and you sever your financial tie to the ex.

Perhaps an arrangement with your sons to buy a rental?

In NZ that is the usual and all our law is based on the British. Can't see how one spouse can insist on keeping the property.

Just some thoughts.

Thanks Mike