STEP CHILDREN

Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:36 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Originally Posted by squiddley View Post
Hi....
guess what.....the ex rang tonight...mmmmm,its only took him 3 weeks since he last seen the girls....And you know what..He still hasn't asked them what they want to do ,sorry i do apologize,he did ask ask how they were...
IT'S THE FIRST TIME HE HAS RANG TO ASK HOW THEY ARE DOING..B*****D

I could go on forever about this,my wife and i just want this over so we can all move on,if he got his head round this and thought long and hard,and thinking about himself,couldn't he get a visa? because he has children out in NZ?????? Food for thought...
I guess asking him if i can adopt his children is out of the question....ONE DAY
Time for bed.... tomorrow is going to be a good day...a very good day
Hi have been reading your thread for a while, my heart goes out to you guys as a family, will be keeping everything crossed it goes ok.

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Old Jun 11th 2008, 10:38 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Originally Posted by squiddley View Post
Hi....
guess what.....the ex rang tonight...mmmmm,its only took him 3 weeks since he last seen the girls....And you know what..He still hasn't asked them what they want to do ,sorry i do apologize,he did ask ask how they were...
IT'S THE FIRST TIME HE HAS RANG TO ASK HOW THEY ARE DOING..B*****D

I could go on forever about this,my wife and i just want this over so we can all move on,if he got his head round this and thought long and hard,and thinking about himself,couldn't he get a visa? because he has children out in NZ?????? Food for thought...
I guess asking him if i can adopt his children is out of the question....ONE DAY
Time for bed.... tomorrow is going to be a good day...a very good day

You sound sooooo much better, I am pleased .

Let's hope the telephone call is too little too late. Maybe he's afraid to ask the girls what they want as he already knows the answer.

What about 'Pen Pals' in NZ for the girls, it will include them even more in the new life to come (can't remember ages) - they may even get excited and tell 'him' about new friends in NZ. It's a thought wether it's viable or not I don't know.

You have a good day, you've more than earned it.

Pauline
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Old Jun 15th 2008, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

.....Well received a letter from the solicitor yesterday (saturday),in it was a reply from my wifes ex husband...And from the look of the letter he hasn't used a solicitor..yet..
In his letter he has a list of demands..(sorry requests)
1.Address & contact details of residence where the girls will be living,also email address
2.Address & contact of the school where the girls will be educated
3. Copies of school reports....
4.How will the girls be looked after during the school holidays when mother and guardian are at work..
5.Who will be covering the costs of travel when the girls visit the uk..
6.If there is any travelling planned outside of New Zealand.He wants to be informed

Here is my opinion on his letter...
When i first read it i was furious:curse:.Yes i do understand some of his concerns,some of the information is a bit awkward to obtain,but we have got most of it from posts that people have left in reply to this thread..SO THANKS TO EVERYONE
As to his point (3)in the letter reference school reports...Not once in the last 3 years has he asked for one,my wife use to send them,but she received no thanks or was their any response to any of them from him...

As to his point (4) looking after the when my wife and i are both working...
Again not once in the last 3 years has he asked about their welfare...
When this all kicked off my wife asked him,if he would have the girls at least once a month also half of the school holidays...His response...and i quote 'How the f**k do you expect me to get time off work...W****R.

As to his point (5)..Who is covering the costs of travel to the uk for the girls...My opinion...Again i think he is thinking of himself...I dont mind sharing some of the costs, and no one is stopping him from coming to New Zealand

As to his point(6)...If there is any travelling planned outside New Zealand,he wants to be informed...What a load of bollocks,what the f**k has it got to do with him where we go on holiday... What does he think we are going to do ..EMIGRATE AGAIN..it's already costing enough to get to NZ.......

All these requests could have been done without the solicitors been involved,which my wife had already offered him,but he refused to listen..
(no surprise there then)....All this money for solicitors,what does he think we have...A money tree????And with him responding himself makes me think he doesn't want to fork out the cash...At the end of all this we will be going after him for costs,and you know what? if we get it we are going on holiday to OZ and a shall have great pleasure in sending him a postcard...

Anyway we shall be at the solicitors again this week to send him all the information that he requires..So all been well and good this should be the the last letter (fingers crossed)..
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Old Jun 15th 2008, 4:06 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

.....Well recieved a letter from the solicitor yesterday (saturday),in it was a reply from my wifes ex husband...And from the look of the letter he hasn't used a solicitor..yet..
In his letter he has a list of demands..(sorry requests)
1.Address & contact details of residence where the girls will be living,also email address
2.Address & contact of the school where the girls will be educated
3. Copies of school reports....
4.How will the girls be looked after during the school holidays when mother and guardian are at work..
5.Who will be covering the costs of travel when the girls visit the uk..
6.If there is any travelling planned outside of New Zealand.He wants to be informed

Here is my opinion on his letter...
When i first read it i was furious:curse:.Yes i do understand some of his concerns,some of the information is a bit awkward to obtain,but we have got most of it from posts that people have left in reply to this thread..SO THANKS TO EVERYONE
As to his point (3)in the letter reference school reports...Not once in the last 3 years has he asked for one,my wife use to send them,but she recieved no thanks or was their any response to any of them from him...

As to his point (4) looking after the when my wife and i are both working...
Again not once in the last 3 years has he asked about their welfare...
When this all kicked off my wife asked him,if he would have the girls at least once a month also half of the school holidays...His responce...and i quote 'How the f**k do you expect me to get time off work...W****R.

As to his point (5)..Who is covering the costs of travel to the uk for the girls...My opinion...Again i think he is thinking of himself...I dont mind sharing the costs, and no one is stopping him from coming to New Zealand

As to his point(6)...If there is any travelling planned outside New Zealand,he wants to be informed...What a load of bollocks,what the f**k has it got to do with him where we go on holiday... What does he think we are going to do ..EMIGRATE AGAIN..it's already costing enough to get to NZ.......

All these requests could have been done without the solicitors been involved,which my wife had already offered him,but he refused to listen..
(no suprise there then)....All this money for solicitors,what dose he think we have...A money tree????And with him responding himself makes me think he dosen't want to fork out the cash...At the end of all this we will be going after him for costs,and you know what? if we get it we are going on holiday to OZ and a shall have great pleasure in sending him a postcard...

Anyway we shall be at the solicitors again this week to send him all the information that he requires..So all been well and good this should be the the last letter (fingers crossed)..
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Old Jun 15th 2008, 5:26 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Hang in there Squiddley, if he's not using a solicitor all the better for you guys. Over the past 3 years I've maintained my solicitors mortgage I'm sure, but it'll so be worth it in the end. Solicitors are good at what they do, stick with it, you've got a strong case. Chin up
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Old Jun 15th 2008, 5:50 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Thankyou for your words of support and encouragement:thumbs up:..
As we said earlier,maybe this will be the last letter...don't want to be paying another solicitors mortgage ....
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Old Jun 15th 2008, 10:04 pm
  #82  
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

My ex tried asking for similar information. My reply was fairly simple. We do not have this information at the present time but would be seeking a school which would provide education of a comparable standard so as not to disadvantage the children. That kind of thing. Oh, along with a paragraph stating I find some of the requests surprising due to the fact he (my ex) has no current knowledge of the children's after school/holiday care, nor has he expressed any such interest in the past X years. Likewise for the school reports, school photos, school achievements, out of school activities.

Would suggest you try not to caught up in every little detail. The man's an arse and very soon you'll be 12,000 miles away and will not have to worry.

If he was serious and distraught about seeing his kids, he'd have been straight down the solicitors and on the phone to the kids seeking their opinion. The only welfare he has at heart is that of him and his wallet.

Would also suggest you keep the reply simple and to the point. Give as much detail as you can on each point but statements like the one suggested above concerning the kids education in NZ were sufficient when I went through the same. Likewise a sentence stating we would make every effort to keep the ex information of future progress, contact details etc as and when these became available to us.

The bottom line is you need his permission. Stay calm. Be direct. I would cover his points in a return letter but also point out his 7 days are up. Oh, and suggest a 50/50 split on children's travel costs for any UK visits. Afterall he's ascerting his parental responsibility. Kids don't raise themselves and I love the ex that dissappears into the sunset without a care in the world or a clue how his kids are going to be financed. Unless the court orders it, you don't have to make any trips back if the kids don't want to. End the letter along the lines of as you are aware your 7 days have lapsed. We have answered your questions/concerns as fully as we are able to and will keep you informed as and when things progress. If we do not receive your consent for the childrens removal from the juridiction (signed by Notary Public) 7 days from date of this letter, we will make an application to the court (and state the family court that is local to the childrens main residence).

Good luck. Try and not get inflamed by his game playing.
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Old Jun 16th 2008, 8:39 am
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Pathetic isn't he, but you knew that. Unfortunately you have to be nice, take a deep breath, mentally strangle him and outwardly smile.

It's good if he hasn't used a solicitor, means he's just yanking your chain (not nice, horrid), but preferable than him being serious.

Give short direct replies, give a .net address as it can be established in UK and accessed in NZ. That's what we did with our friends until we found a place to live.

Hopefully your nearly at the end. Hope you get your holiday to Oz.

Take care
Pauline
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Old Jun 16th 2008, 8:20 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Hi..
thanks for the advice
We are at the solicitor on WednesdayAnd this will be the final letter..
Also in the letter will the things he has asked for and also,that we have a court date and location...

And also we shall be chasing him for costs,because i think,that he thinks we are bluffing:curse:...mmmmmmm dont thing so....
So i say lets bring it on,close the book and let us all move on..YEE HA,cos NEW ZEALAND HERE WE COME....
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Old Jun 16th 2008, 9:04 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Originally Posted by squiddley View Post
Hi..

And also we shall be chasing him for costs,because i think,that he thinks we are bluffing:curse:...mmmmmmm dont thing so....
So i say lets bring it on,close the book and let us all move on..YEE HA,cos NEW ZEALAND HERE WE COME....

Well done, good on ya , you go for it. Holiday in Oz here you come,
Pauline
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Old Jun 16th 2008, 9:34 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Thanks Pauline..

Who ever is reading these posts,please dont think that we are been cocky.
Because believe me this is one road that we didnt want to go down,because one thing is for sure we dont have money to throw round 'willy nilly'..
Alot of thought has gone into this move,and alot of soul searching..
But my wife and i truly believe this is for the best..(better to know than wonder)...

Their are things that haven't been said on here,from my part,which are very personal to me...but what we are doing is right...and certain people who will be left behind in the uk,will come to realise this in time...Time is a good healer...So i suppose,in time i will share my other thoughts ...
So once again thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread ,and also to the many who have read this..
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Old Jun 17th 2008, 2:50 am
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Good luck for Wednesday. Just to say though, unless the rules have changed, you can't claim for costs from the 'otherside' in family court cases. But bear in mind that goes for the ex too. He would have to pay his solicitors costs, for advice, letter writing and to prepare his case, along with travel expenses for himself and his solicitor to your local court. If his solicitor recommends using a barrister to represent him in court, that's roughly 1k GBP plus travel expenses for each court hearing on top of his solicitor's costs. The first court hearing will be adjourned for CAFCAS, so basically that a wasted estimated 2k for the ex to cough up.
Judging by his previous/current actions/attitude, can you really see him paying out and taking time out to travel, attend court etc when his solicitor will have to tell him there's every chance the court will grant you permission so long as you thrash out a mutually acceptable annual visitation schedule after at least 3 court hearings (= 6k GBP).
Hope all goes well
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Old Jun 17th 2008, 4:56 pm
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Originally Posted by squiddley View Post
Thanks Pauline..

Who ever is reading these posts,please dont think that we are been cocky.
Because believe me this is one road that we didnt want to go down,because one thing is for sure we dont have money to throw round 'willy nilly'..
Alot of thought has gone into this move,and alot of soul searching..
But my wife and i truly believe this is for the best..(better to know than wonder)...

Their are things that haven't been said on here,from my part,which are very personal to me...but what we are doing is right...and certain people who will be left behind in the uk,will come to realise this in time...Time is a good healer...So i suppose,in time i will share my other thoughts ...
So once again thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread ,and also to the many who have read this..
Hey Squiddley, no worries on that front. Doubt any of us ever type out all of a story, way way too personal a lot of it. Hopefully people just realise that as parents we are trying to do the best for our children. This post has been sooo useful to me, everyone has been helpful and not slung any dirt! So chin up hun and keep ranting if you need too. Have you read the thread on Oz site " Cr*p News- Child Emigration ", Jennigee has a lot of useful stuff to say and she's further down the line than us.
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Old Jun 17th 2008, 5:31 pm
  #89  
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Their are things that haven't been said on here,from my part,which are very personal to me...but what we are doing is right...and certain people who will be left behind in the uk,will come to realise this in time...Time is a good healer...So i suppose,in time i will share my other thoughts ...
So once again thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread ,and also to the many who have read this..
I've been following this even though I haven't got children.
I wish you all the best, it sounds like the ex hasn't made any effort at all and is trying to put a spanner in the works just because he can!!

He can't expect to come across as the caring parent when he obviously hasn't made much of an effort to be involved with the kids before you were planning on emigrating. That will be in your favour.

If it were me, I would not have put all the more personal details on here either. I think we all know that it is public and some things should remain private...

Just wanted to wish you lots and lots of luck, you know you're right
Stay strong!!
Sue
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Old Jun 18th 2008, 2:14 am
  #90  
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Default Re: STEP CHILDREN

Originally Posted by squiddley View Post
Thanks Pauline..

Who ever is reading these posts,please dont think that we are been cocky.
Because believe me this is one road that we didnt want to go down,because one thing is for sure we dont have money to throw round 'willy nilly'..
Alot of thought has gone into this move,and alot of soul searching..
But my wife and i truly believe this is for the best..(better to know than wonder)...

Their are things that haven't been said on here,from my part,which are very personal to me...but what we are doing is right...and certain people who will be left behind in the uk,will come to realise this in time...Time is a good healer...So i suppose,in time i will share my other thoughts ...
So once again thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread ,and also to the many who have read this..
NO NO NO NO NO I can't think of anyone who has followed this thread as I have would ever think of you as cocky. You come across as a kind, concerned, doting and loving parent who want the best for his family. Cocky is never a word I would have used, hurt, confused, upset, tired at times but never cocky.

Keep your chin up, never doubt your actions and reasons.

I know you are only posting what you feel comfortable with, some feelings are private and should remain so.

Pauline
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