Originally Posted by cricket1

You were quick enough to take a dig at my post while not contributing elsewhere on the thread.

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

I gave you my reasons in the post...I also pointed out I didn't say anything about your first post.

Originally Posted by Ruby Murray

I am so tired and drained after fighting with my OH for the best part of 12 months about selling up and moving back home.

Everything appeared to be going smoothly enough for us here in Canada, up until we bought a house in our max budget range in August 2007 and also following the death of my F.I.L. in January '08 and the deterioration of my M.I.L. due to Motor Neurone Disease/Lou Gehrig's Disease. Since then, I've re-evaluated how and where I want to spend the rest of my life, and because I'm such a family-oriented home-body, I want to go home now.....but my OH still will not entertain the idea because of the recession going on back home and he nastily throws it in my face that there are NO JOBS ANYWHERE!!! I know it's a global thing and even here in Alberta, Canada, we're experiencing fewer job offers and plunging house prices...BUT, I keep insisting to my OH that if he was truly motivated and took the time to research what jobs are being offered in the UK, I'm pretty sure the move could be possible. I had tried so hard last year to get him to see my point of view but it dragged on and on with neither of us getting anywhere...a stale-mate. I've been on anti-depressants (3 different brands) for 12 months and have been in counselling for 8 months and I still can't alleviate the strong feelings I have of going home My counsellor has been an absolute gem in helping me to pull away from the OH with all my nagging, encouraging and constant hint-dropping. I've now taken matters into my own hands and made my own decision to go back by Summer of this year, taking our 11 y.o. daughter with me as she is as desperate to be back as I am. He's really laying on the guilt trip that I'm ruining his and our (almost) 18 y.o. son's life by selfishly forcing us to sell our house that we'll be lucky to break even or worse still, go into foreclosure. His idea would be to ride it out here for another 12-18 months to see how the house prices pick up here and for the UK economy to build back up again. But I think he's being selfish for not even trying and if he really loved me and our daughter, then surely he'd follow along??

Am I acting selfish under today's circumstances, or is he the one that's being difficult and unreasonable by not researching and planning a move that could work with joint effort. I'll leave it there for now and wait for some (or any) responses
Thanks for listening,
Ruby xx

Originally Posted by cricket1

You were belittling my comments because they did not fit in with the normal ideal of offering sympathy to people. I was trying to help Ruby.

Originally Posted by oldbag

No don't! What you have said is interesting and valuable....I hope things have worked out for you.

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

On and on and on....

Originally Posted by sugar

I think you are being very self-centered on this issue and should take a wait and see attitude.By your actions you are risking your marriage -finances if I was your husband I would be really ticked.
So you miss your family everyone who leaves their native country does, try to make a life where you are and wait out this awful recession,tell your children to do the same
Who knows if England will pull out before Canada, I doubt it but everything right now is so uncertain.

Originally Posted by oldbag

I think if you read the whole thread you'll find Ruby has been "waiting and seeing" for the best part of two years (and possibly longer than that).... the current "credit crunch" is not the cause of the problem, just a factor to be added in now.

Originally Posted by Ruby Murray

I am so tired and drained after fighting with my OH for the best part of 12 months about selling up and moving back home.

Everything appeared to be going smoothly enough for us here in Canada, up until we bought a house in our max budget range in August 2007 and also following the death of my F.I.L. in January '08 and the deterioration of my M.I.L. due to Motor Neurone Disease/Lou Gehrig's Disease. Since then, I've re-evaluated how and where I want to spend the rest of my life, and because I'm such a family-oriented home-body, I want to go home now.....but my OH still will not entertain the idea because of the recession going on back home and he nastily throws it in my face that there are NO JOBS ANYWHERE!!! I know it's a global thing and even here in Alberta, Canada, we're experiencing fewer job offers and plunging house prices...BUT, I keep insisting to my OH that if he was truly motivated and took the time to research what jobs are being offered in the UK, I'm pretty sure the move could be possible. I had tried so hard last year to get him to see my point of view but it dragged on and on with neither of us getting anywhere...a stale-mate. I've been on anti-depressants (3 different brands) for 12 months and have been in counselling for 8 months and I still can't alleviate the strong feelings I have of going home My counsellor has been an absolute gem in helping me to pull away from the OH with all my nagging, encouraging and constant hint-dropping. I've now taken matters into my own hands and made my own decision to go back by Summer of this year, taking our 11 y.o. daughter with me as she is as desperate to be back as I am. He's really laying on the guilt trip that I'm ruining his and our (almost) 18 y.o. son's life by selfishly forcing us to sell our house that we'll be lucky to break even or worse still, go into foreclosure. His idea would be to ride it out here for another 12-18 months to see how the house prices pick up here and for the UK economy to build back up again. But I think he's being selfish for not even trying and if he really loved me and our daughter, then surely he'd follow along??

Am I acting selfish under today's circumstances, or is he the one that's being difficult and unreasonable by not researching and planning a move that could work with joint effort. I'll leave it there for now and wait for some (or any) responses
Thanks for listening,
Ruby xx

Originally Posted by Tricia

Thanks, they have and I'm very happy. However, you can't ever bury things completely which is what I think most try to do because if your partner has emotional weaknesses you have to be able to recognise them (together or individually) and deal with them quickly, again, together. It takes alot of love, patience and talking talking talking but it can be done.

Originally Posted by cricket1

Looks like it moderator girl. Shouldn't you know better?

Atually, I have some news for you. This forum has been therapy for me but I've had enough. It's time to leave the forum and move on and have a rethink about whether I need to read all these various problems or in fact whether I should be rushing back to the UK just yet. I know I've offered my opinions and I believe I've been helpful but do I really need to swipes and the kicks just because I offer a different angle? Nope, I do not. I also think it's wrong to get bogged down into people's problems when they aren't motivated to change things themselves. I've seen and heard it all before as an employer and friend.

So bye all. Hope life brings you your dreams but remember to be careful what you wish for. Life has a way of making sure you get it.

Originally Posted by cricket1

Looks like it moderator girl. Shouldn't you know better?

Atually, I have some news for you. This forum has been therapy for me but I've had enough. It's time to leave the forum and move on and have a rethink about whether I need to read all these various problems or in fact whether I should be rushing back to the UK just yet. I know I've offered my opinions and I believe I've been helpful but do I really need to swipes and the kicks just because I offer a different angle? Nope, I do not. I also think it's wrong to get bogged down into people's problems when they aren't motivated to change things themselves. I've seen and heard it all before as an employer and friend.

So bye all. Hope life brings you your dreams but remember to be careful what you wish for. Life has a way of making sure you get it.

Originally Posted by caledonia

oh no - who now is going to tell us where we are all going wrong, about the wrong choices we've made, about how to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, live in a caravan, start a business, buy x amount of houses before the age of 23, write a novel, cure cancer blah blah blah. and all this from the person whose relationship with their kids is clearly not good;

You know what? I have to say this. I know it's not easy to have kids in different places but for as long as I worried and torn myself to shreds over this issue, my kids have been little shits. They've been the product of a middle class upbringing where everything was provided therefore they have an 'expectation' of mum rather than a healthy 'respect' of mum. My own fault entirely, I didn't want them to grow up like I did, the product of poor parents, cap in hand, bugger all to look forward to.
In the last few years since I went through the crisis of my entire life, they didn't want to know because I was temporarily up pooh creek without a paddle. They didn't want to know me then. Cricket 1 December 19th 2008

good bye and good luck - hears hoping you learn a little humility and compassion as you go through life.

Originally Posted by caledonia

oh no - who now is going to tell us where we are all going wrong, about the wrong choices we've made, about how to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, live in a caravan, start a business, buy x amount of houses before the age of 23, write a novel, cure cancer blah blah blah. and all this from the person whose relationship with their kids is clearly not good;

You know what? I have to say this. I know it's not easy to have kids in different places but for as long as I worried and torn myself to shreds over this issue, my kids have been little shits. They've been the product of a middle class upbringing where everything was provided therefore they have an 'expectation' of mum rather than a healthy 'respect' of mum. My own fault entirely, I didn't want them to grow up like I did, the product of poor parents, cap in hand, bugger all to look forward to.
In the last few years since I went through the crisis of my entire life, they didn't want to know because I was temporarily up pooh creek without a paddle. They didn't want to know me then. Cricket 1 December 19th 2008

good bye and good luck - hears hoping you learn a little humility and compassion as you go through life.

Originally Posted by caledonia

oh no - who now is going to tell us where we are all going wrong, about the wrong choices we've made, about how to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, live in a caravan, start a business, buy x amount of houses before the age of 23, write a novel, cure cancer blah blah blah. and all this from the person whose relationship with their kids is clearly not good;

You know what? I have to say this. I know it's not easy to have kids in different places but for as long as I worried and torn myself to shreds over this issue, my kids have been little shits. They've been the product of a middle class upbringing where everything was provided therefore they have an 'expectation' of mum rather than a healthy 'respect' of mum. My own fault entirely, I didn't want them to grow up like I did, the product of poor parents, cap in hand, bugger all to look forward to.
In the last few years since I went through the crisis of my entire life, they didn't want to know because I was temporarily up pooh creek without a paddle. They didn't want to know me then. Cricket 1 December 19th 2008

good bye and good luck - hears hoping you learn a little humility and compassion as you go through life.