Tricia

Whilst this might be your experience, it is by no means carte blanche, we did turn things around and I am sure this could not have happened if I had had no expectation of him. Each situation and relationship is different.

fionamw

It's so b****y difficult doing this online - chatting you'd easily make yourself (i mean oneself) understood.... I think Cricket's right that essentially the only person you're responsible for in terms of behaviour and changing that behaviour is yourself. However I also see your point that maybe one should always have hope and indeed having expectations of each other while potentially problematic can also be a goal particularly when you both, rather than just one of you, have the will to change not yourself nor the other person but the relationship for the better. Essentially I think there are a number of posters singing from similar hymnsheets, just with different emphasis & slightly different vocabulary.

cricket1again

I used the word 'expectation' loosely, in the sense that if his normal behaviour displayed an ongoing trend towards not changing, then it's best to not to keep expecting any improvement but to work on one's own direction and attitude.

Ruby Murray

Well I did create this thread to ask for advice, and I sure got a good mixture of varied responses for which I am really thankful

The final outcome of this thread is that I have decided to back off all talks with my OH about returning to the UK for however long it takes for the world economy to get back on it's feet and the housing market to pick up, and then perhaps we will re-evaluate matters. It could be anywhere from 1 year to 3 yrs...but all I know is that it would be extremely foolish of me to insist on us all (or me & my daughter) going back home with absolutely no money, possibly having to borrow large sums of money from my parents to get set up and having a record of bankruptcy here in Canada.

So I'm ready to sit tight, stay put, deal with the weather/winter and take things a day at a time and not look further ahead that a week away!
Cheers,
Ruby x

quoll

Good on you for making a decision Ruby! It sounds sensible in this climate and the fact that you have put some sort of time frame on it may make it easier for you to handle in the short term. Good luck and hang in there until you can do what is right for you.

vauxhallmonterey

Sorry my, dear, I didnt see you decision note when writing this, so I back off with the harsh reply, sadly in my case 34 yrs of marriage has now gone down the tubes as I return to the UK - read below ........ My wife and I moved to the UK 11 yrs ago, (wife under duress). She spent the next 10 yrs longing to return to her family. Eventually we returned a year ago, and now she is unhappier and angrier than ever, in spite of getting everything she wanted. Bottom line, look deep inside yourself, thats where your happiness lays, not where you're located. Failing that, decide whats more important to you, and what are you prepared to sacrifice to get what you want. Make your decision and act upon it, your vacillation is just hurting others. You will hurt others, and you will cause damage, but the sooner and cleaner you make your decision, you allow everybody to re-adjust and move on. You cannot have your cake and eat it. Best of luck.

Baby75

wow sounds like you have been through the mill,

Im just wondering, do you think may be she waited to long to return.. Im sorry if this upsets you, just thought I ask

either way I wish you well for the furture..

Baby75

Hi Ruby, the best of luck to you!!

Things have a way of working out, make a plan for the furture even start putting a little aside. then knowing you have something to aim for will help ease the pain of longing to go home.

please keep us updated on how you are doing

Pollyana

In the light of Ruby's post above, and the fact that she asked for her other thread to be closed, I'm going to put this one to bed.