How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
Oct 1st 2011, 7:13 am
#61
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
Posts: 2,060
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
I hate to tell you this, but a USC spouse who doesn't realize the importance of her foreign husband's legal residency is a dunce.
It's not just that you cannot work. You are illegally present in the US, and you've been that way for a long time. If you decide to leave without adjusting your status, you have a 10 year bar against you for entry into the US. That means you won't be seeing your children unless she brings them to you. Even when that 10 years pass, you can never again enter the US on the Visa Waiver. You will have to seek a B visa from the US consulate in London.
I actually consider this to be a form of spousal abuse against a foreign partner.
It's not just that you cannot work. You are illegally present in the US, and you've been that way for a long time. If you decide to leave without adjusting your status, you have a 10 year bar against you for entry into the US. That means you won't be seeing your children unless she brings them to you. Even when that 10 years pass, you can never again enter the US on the Visa Waiver. You will have to seek a B visa from the US consulate in London.
I actually consider this to be a form of spousal abuse against a foreign partner.
Oct 1st 2011, 7:14 am
#62
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
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Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
This is not always true. The only behaviours we have any control over are our own.
Oct 1st 2011, 5:38 pm
#66
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
What if he goes by land to Canada and leaves from there? Theres no way to know when person left if you don't fly out is there? He could have been in the UK all these years (well except for conceiving the kids 
)
Maybe the VAWA thing is the way to go, how does he prove she has been abusive?
)Maybe the VAWA thing is the way to go, how does he prove she has been abusive?
Oct 1st 2011, 6:06 pm
#67
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
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Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
Joe, I really don't want to pass judgment without having met you or your wife, but IF what you are telling us is true, then your wife is showing danger signs of being abusive.
I mean, she expects you to jump up out of bed at 11pm at night just because she wants some chips? Seriously?!
If my husband requested that, I'd tell what he could go do with himself (and to get to Wally World his damn self). The fact that she thinks she can control what YOU eat or drink, by saying you shouldn't drink tea, is utterly ridiculous! The fact that you are driving, likely unlicensed and uninsured, is putting you on the edge of disaster. All it would take is a simple traffic stop to catch you and you'd be deported. If she is showing clear disregard for your immigration status, and/or holds it over your head, this is spousal abuse. You need to start being assertive and let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not tolerate this disregard for your immigration status.
Oct 1st 2011, 9:53 pm
#68
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Oct 1st 2011, 10:17 pm
#69
WhiteRabbit
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,480
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
And it doesn't work to say he can just inconveniently not turn it in. There's a record of his entry. So simply by virtue of the fact that his I-94W was never turned in (proving an exit) he has an overstay.
You really don't think that US Customs and Border Patrol have these checks in place for no reason, do you?
Oct 1st 2011, 10:23 pm
#70
WhiteRabbit
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,480
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
What if he goes by land to Canada and leaves from there? Theres no way to know when person left if you don't fly out is there? He could have been in the UK all these years (well except for conceiving the kids )
Maybe the VAWA thing is the way to go, how does he prove she has been abusive?
)Maybe the VAWA thing is the way to go, how does he prove she has been abusive?
He might be able to get off the continent and back to Britain by going by land to North or South America. But he will fail an ESTA application (if he tries it) and he will fail any interview at the consulate in London when he tries to come back to the US.
He's got an overstay. The only way past it is to adjust his status in the US before he goes back to the UK.
Oct 1st 2011, 10:29 pm
#71
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
I was actually thinking that as well, but the bad thing is that he'll probably need money to pay a lawyer for that petition.
Joe, I really don't want to pass judgment without having met you or your wife, but IF what you are telling us is true, then your wife is showing danger signs of being abusive.
I mean, she expects you to jump up out of bed at 11pm at night just because she wants some chips? Seriously?! If my husband requested that, I'd tell what he could go do with himself (and to get to Wally World his damn self). The fact that she thinks she can control what YOU eat or drink, by saying you shouldn't drink tea, is utterly ridiculous!
The fact that you are driving, likely unlicensed and uninsured, is putting you on the edge of disaster. All it would take is a simple traffic stop to catch you and you'd be deported. If she is showing clear disregard for your immigration status, and/or holds it over your head, this is spousal abuse. You need to start being assertive and let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not tolerate this disregard for your immigration status.
Joe, I really don't want to pass judgment without having met you or your wife, but IF what you are telling us is true, then your wife is showing danger signs of being abusive.
I mean, she expects you to jump up out of bed at 11pm at night just because she wants some chips? Seriously?!
If my husband requested that, I'd tell what he could go do with himself (and to get to Wally World his damn self). The fact that she thinks she can control what YOU eat or drink, by saying you shouldn't drink tea, is utterly ridiculous! The fact that you are driving, likely unlicensed and uninsured, is putting you on the edge of disaster. All it would take is a simple traffic stop to catch you and you'd be deported. If she is showing clear disregard for your immigration status, and/or holds it over your head, this is spousal abuse. You need to start being assertive and let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not tolerate this disregard for your immigration status.
Maybe she's deliberately trying to make his life so miserable in order that he will walk out for good - it could be exactly what she wants?
Oct 1st 2011, 10:59 pm
#72
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
Posts: 2,060
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
One thing is for certain Joe, you cannot continue to let her rule the roost and make your life hell. Time to take matters into your own hands. Can you get your own counsellor to talk to? Suggest having a consultation with an immigration lawyer. Find a good one. But first, you need to make up your mind what you want. Perhaps the counsellor can help with this. If you have your own counsellor you can talk more openly about the problems your wife is creating. She doesn't sound like a loving wife to me, problems or no problems.
We wish you the very best in sorting this out.
We wish you the very best in sorting this out.
Oct 2nd 2011, 2:34 am
#73
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Posts: 472
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
"spousal abuse against a foreign partner" I like that a lot. When we got married she joked with her work mates that I was her mail order bride, I don't think she was joking.
She used to say I shouldn't worry about a green card I should be glad I was in the US.
1/2 hour ago she asked me to go to Walmart for chocolate and I said okay but can we at least start getting weekly snacks in at one go and she said no because they'll get eaten too fast and then reminded me of how she had been to work all day. I said I'll go but I just want to stop having to go every night. She told me to forget it.
Wednesday night 11pm while we are snug in bed she asked me to go to Walmart for chips.
Honestly if she doesn't get her way on 'everything' (except one, me drinking tea, she told the marriage councilor that I should stop and the marriage councilor told her that an Englishman should have his tea lol) she gets upset and seeks to punish me, its kind of like psychological bullying.
She used to say I shouldn't worry about a green card I should be glad I was in the US.
1/2 hour ago she asked me to go to Walmart for chocolate and I said okay but can we at least start getting weekly snacks in at one go and she said no because they'll get eaten too fast and then reminded me of how she had been to work all day. I said I'll go but I just want to stop having to go every night. She told me to forget it.
Wednesday night 11pm while we are snug in bed she asked me to go to Walmart for chips.
Honestly if she doesn't get her way on 'everything' (except one, me drinking tea, she told the marriage councilor that I should stop and the marriage councilor told her that an Englishman should have his tea lol) she gets upset and seeks to punish me, its kind of like psychological bullying.
Your wife sounds like a total psycho. You need to get the hell out of there and until you do , and dont take this wrong, grow some balls and tell her to f**k off with her 11 pm Walmart bs and all the rest of it.
Oct 2nd 2011, 3:01 am
#74
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
BTW who watches the kids while she works? Are you the stay at home Dad?
Oct 3rd 2011, 2:59 pm
#75
gurt mint nit?
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: In my shed
Posts: 2,776
Re: How do I convince my American wife to move to England?
"spousal abuse against a foreign partner" I like that a lot. When we got married she joked with her work mates that I was her mail order bride, I don't think she was joking.........Honestly if she doesn't get her way on 'everything' (except one, me drinking tea, she told the marriage councilor that I should stop and the marriage councilor told her that an Englishman should have his tea lol) she gets upset and seeks to punish me, its kind of like psychological bullying.
Now and in the future.
Suggestion; focus all of your efforts on correcting your status and planning out and implementing your future solely with them in mind. Your Mrs is an adult and responsible for her own actions, as are you.
They aren't.
So who is going to guide and protect them? Do you want them calling someone else "Dad"?
It'll be bloody difficult for you to be one if unable to get near them.
Grow up, be a man and get it sorted out.
There's just no "candy-coated" way of saying that, I'm afraid - as it isn't an easy thing.
Good luck.