Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Gotta love NUFC...always something going on to make a Liverpool fan think their club is well run and sucessfull:thumbsup:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I knew some bastard would revive this thread. :frown::frown::rofl:

I'm in shock.

Perhaps soon to be in mourning.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Never mind. He'll probably be given another go in about 5 years time.

;)

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Sure. After the Dennis Wise, Alan Shearer and second BSA eras.

I may prefer not to watch.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Now it seems he wasnt fired.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/foot...ed/7593683.stm

They dont seem entirely sure what's happening, did he walk? does he still work for them? Who knows!

This is great, I'll fetch my popcorn...

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

From nufc.com (a purely fan-based thingy, so I don't think I'm copyright busting....)

"So, he's not been sacked. But that doesn't rule out the possibility that Kevin Keegan has walked away from Newcastle United of his own accord.

And if he still remains in post, is there any future for him or this just a postponement of the inevitable parting of the ways once again?

It remains to be seen whether the public opinion that manifested itself on Tuesday has played any part in a U-turn by the club's hierarchy.

Alternatively the wording of the statement can be interpreted as the club wanting to keep KK around, but not being able to reach an agreement with him to do so.

In the final analysis, this may come down to cash - in the form of whether severance pay is owed. Or not.

A backlash quickly followed the widespread reports of KK's unconfirmed departure, in the form of texts and emails to media organisations and fans making their way to SJP.

If our inbox is any indication, the trickle of anti-Ashley comments received in recent days has become a torrent.

And unlike Sky etc. and their random fan feedback (some of which is obviously mischief-making by fans of other clubs), many of those emailing us are active supporters.

By that we mean those who have endured recent ticket price rises, relocations and negotiated various other obstacles in their quest to shell out and watch this team.

Their responses can be described as bewildered, seething, embarrassed, bitter and generally "gutted" - not just at the fact KK had apparently gone, but that we'd imploded once again within weeks of the start of another season.

They all agree on one thing though - that Dennis Wise has never been a friend to Newcastle fans and would enjoy zero support were he to assume control of the team."



You couldn't make this up, could you? Cortainly beats Corrie, like.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Sorry, Novo, but this is great.

The Guardian Football Fiver is continuing a great sketch on this today...

"NEWCASTLE UNITED: THE (SILENT) MOVIE III

MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT: The Fiver Rag

INT. ST JAMES' PARK SALOON BAR

Mr Keegan, Mr Wise and Mr Ashley are sitting at a table. The table is covered by a sea of empty pint glasses.

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "I've got £12m of the James Milner money burning a hole in my pocket. It's my round! What would you like, Kev?"

Mr Keegan gets up and hops around with excitement.

TITLE CARD: Mr Keegan ~ "Cor! Emile Heskey please. Or Florent Malouda. Or Aiden McGeady. Or Jermaine Pennant. Or..."

Mr Wise clips Mr Keegan round the back of the head.

TITLE CARD: Mr Wise ~ "Gawf! Kin leave it aht! You'll get what yer given, yer greedy little runt!"

Mr Keegan takes his bowler hat off, scratches his head and starts to cry. Mr Ashley gets up and waddles to the bar. He comes back with three pints. He gives one to Mr Wise and downs the other two himself.

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Doh! I forgot to get you your drink, Kevin!"

Mr Ashley gets up and waddles to the bar. He comes back with two pints, which he downs.

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Doh! I forgot to get you your drink, Kevin!"

Mr Ashley gets up and waddles to the bar. He comes back with two pints, which he downs.

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Doh! I forgot to get you your drink, Kevin!"

Mr Ashley gets up and waddles to the bar. He comes back with a glass of tapwater and a packet of pork scratchings. He gives Kevin the tapwater and eats the pork scratchings. Time is called.

TITLE CARD: Mr Keegan ~ "Bah!"

Mr Ashley lets out a massive rasping belch which blows Mr Keegan's bowler hat clean off his head.

SOUND FX: Swannee whistle.

The hat sails out of the saloon doors and into the street, where it is run over by a Ford Model T.

TITLE CARD: Mr Keegan ~ "Yaroo! That's the final straw! Enough is enough! I'm making a dignified exit! I'm off!"

Mr Keegan scarpers out of the room.

TITLE CARD: Mr Wise ~ "Cripes, Mr Mike! E's gorn! Wot are we gahn ta do? Oo's gonna..."

Mr Keegan re-enters, having run through the toilet doors rather than the exit. He runs back across the saloon and out of the front doors, a roll of toilet paper trailing from the back of his trousers.

TITLE CARD: Mr Wise ~ "... be our manager now? Alan Shearer, Gerard Houllier, Didier Deschamps, Frank Rikjaard and Bernard Cribbins are all options, gertcha innit, but I could do it too, Mr Mike, and I'm 7-4 favourite wiv ver 'kin bookies n'all!"

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Yeah, yeah, first things first, stick out a press release saying 'XXX'. Meanwhile I'm off for a jimmy."

Mr Ashley goes off to the bathroom. In the mirror, he catches the wording on the back of his shirt: "King Kev."

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley (thinks) ~ "Oo-er! I'm going to have to get rid of that!"

Mr Ashley stretches to peel the lettering off the back of his shirt, but can't quite reach. He tries to extend his reach further round his immense torso, but still can't quite get to the lettering. He tries to extend his reach even further, but begins to spin round in circles like a dog chasing his own tail. Dizzy, he stumbles out of the bathroom, crashes into several tables, knocks over a hat-stand, and staggers out of the saloon door.

EXT. ST JAMES' PARK

There are about a hundred fans chanting in support of Mr Keegan. A car driven by an inverted pyramid of baton-wielding keystone kops chases the mob in zigzags down the street. Mr Ashley stands in front of the stadium looking dazed and confused. The entire façade comes crashing down on top of Mr Ashley, but luckily he is standing where there was an open window. Mr Ashley surveys the rubble all around his feet and starts to cry.

TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Wah! Ma club! Maybe I should have given Kev some of the pork scratchings after all!"

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Yes, I've already read that, thank you. Very droll.

I was unsure of my position, but you, I'm afraid, are most defo in copyright violation.

I will lead the fundraiser for your defense costs.

Possibly.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

So, what money on Dennis Wise being given the boot (for being crap at getting players in), and KK and Mike Ashley kissing and making up in the near future, with Kev being given responsibility for recruiting players as he always should have had?.

As has been pointed out, there wont be protests in the streets of newcastle if wisey is knifed in the back will there?


All we need now is some new american owners without the money to back up their grand plans...Oh hang on, thats a different team innit....

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

The irony of it is, that the consortium which just bought Man City made a perfectly good offer for the Toon a month ago.

Unsurprisingly, I'd prefer competent furriners to English bunglers.

Especially English bunglers who have nowt to do with the north east.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Och, don't take the fun out of it by getting all lawyerish. But I did actually wonder about copyright, then reasoned that as it's only an extract from 'a teatime email', perhaps I was OK. After all, I've stated where the source was, and I dare say that by posting it on the surely-famous Toon Army thread, they'll be grateful for the plug...

Defense? Tut, tut. :rofl:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

If there ever was a player who I can't believe got capped for England.....Dennis 'cheeky chappy Wise.....

I don't think you could make up the train wreck that is NUFC......

Any thoughts on how long Robinho will stick it out at MUFC...does he realize that he signed for Citeh and not Man U.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Defense. Blame my spellchecker. I'm sure Oakvillian will castigate me royally for that.

And what's this "Och" business? I'm much too enervated to search this out, but I thought you were a Man U or Chelsea or Gooner type?

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Doesn't Joey "Maddog" Barton have a cap?

we're gonna win the cup


Pity about the typo. Could've been amusing.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Help ma boab! Sorry Novo, you'll have to look a bit further North to find my team, who are, as usual, hiding their talents very nicely at the moment. (I'm a long-suffering Dundee United supporter.)