Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

The new poet laureate of Geordieland? ;)

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

****in' reet pet.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

He's obviously a D.Phil from Oxford

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Ah tellt yers that alreddy. Dee try n keep up.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Wow Newcastle scored a goal, there maybe hope for them yet.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Joey Barton is available for a free transfer this summer, they should acquire him and eleven pairs of clown shoes :thumbup:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

We only need 9 pairs. (Ashley & Carver are already there).

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

How disrespectful.

One more point and Carver has saved you from relegation.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Right now his record is LLLLLLLLD.

It'll most probably end up as LLLLLLLDLL which would avoid relegation if Hull lose both of their last 2 games.

Heartfelt thanks in advance Mikey & John.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Indoor football, only everyone (even the ref) is wearing a set of VR goggles, replacing their normal vision with a top-down view of the pitch.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

1934, 1961, 1978, 1989, 2009 ....

What's the next number in the series?

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

You lot will alright. Hull have ManU away while you host the spammers.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

West Brom v Chelsea: Premier League – as it happened | Football | The Guardian

Wanna bet?

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

A quick Google search tells me:

Manchester United have lost 33.3% of their away games.

Hull have won 27.78% of their home games.

If we combine those stats using an inverse of the sum of the reciprocals, we get 15.2%. If we now transpose this number into a numerological coefficient and enumeration pairing, we can determine that a goal will be scored in the fifteenth minute by a player wearing a shirt that can be identified by the number "2".

I bet you didn't see that coming.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I wish the answer were 42: but it's actually 2015.

Which might be a good thing because then they'd have a chance or winning more than 9 matches next year (or equally likely, doing a Blackpool).

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure Steve Bruce will throw the match with dodgy tactics (or whatever it takes to get the job at his hometown club).

Or Hull will win 1-0. Usually, this is time of the year when the Manchester lads are distracted by their summer plans to vacation in St. Lucia, followed by purchasing new Escalades.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I think it's much more likely that Bastard Sam will stick the boot in.

Can't really blame him. It's what I'd do. Just a pity it's not Crystal Palace in the last Premiership match for who knows how long for the Toon.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

<ahem>

It was never really in doubt....

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Looks like Hull are going down....

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Oh, that too, but I meant it was never really in doubt that Newcastle would finish higher up than them reed and white stripey bastards.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Lee Dixon, so profound! (Final piece of commentary on the Hull match.)

"The bottom three teams always go down. What I mean is the three worst teams usually get relegated and the best team wins the league."

:blink:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Teeth, skin of.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Geordies have thick skin on their teeth too. Oh yes.

We were 15th out of 20. Very promising. :thumbup:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Fantastic result for Stoke today.....beating the bin dippers 6-1 and pooping Gerrards party :D

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

They finished above Sunderland, ain't that now classed as a great season

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

It's really the only point of any season. Especially when we gave them a 12 point swing.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Consider having a few quid on Villa for the cup.

It's pretty common for underdogs to win but for several years England has been sending relegated, about to be relegated or relegation threatened teams to the UEFA Cup/Europa League with some regularity.

Should Arsenal win the final, runners up are no longer qualifying, so Villa will not - like Hull did this season - enter the Europa and the place will go to 7th position in the Prem Southampton.

This will break the pattern of sending no-hopers into a competition that usually features teams like Juventus, Porto, Benfica, Ajax, Seville, even Bayern Munich a few years ago.

So in order to continue sending no-hopers, worst team not to be relegated Villa will have to win.

I believe you can get 5/2 (Hills) and there's even a whisper that Ladbrokes will be offering 5/1 which seems somewhat generous.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

What those poor sap teams need is a far-sighted owner of a trash sports paraphernalia business to buy them out.

If they had someone like Mike in charge, they would field their U-14 side in the first round of every Cup competition to ensure that they stay in the Prem.

Thus, for local Canadian readers, MAKING MONEY, like good old Kevin O'Leary.

<and finish above the mackems>

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

In case (like me) you didn't realise this was on right now:

Championship play-off final: Middlesbrough v Norwich City - BBC Sport

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I wanted to go down Novo - it's the only thing that will get to Ashley. Preferably to league 1. I can't see anything else, other than crossing fingers and waiting for a random billionaire, changing the dynamic.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I understand your thinking Mr. Weeze and agree that getting shot of Ashley is the only long term solution. But I don't think he'd have gone anyway. The Toon would've received a 65m quid parachute payment and would likely have bounced straight back up, the stupid buggers.

I really think the only way to get rid of Ashley (aside from the obvious and highly attractive method of assassination), is for the Toon to become more valuable financially speaking than it is at the moment: then he'll sell to some Qatari hoodlum and we'll all start again.

Harrrumph.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

^ perhaps though we could learn something from the Mancunians...

FC United of Manchester: the success story that proves what fans can achieve | David Conn | Football | The Guardian

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Since I wrote that, both Hills and Ladbrokes are offering 11/2. What on earth has happened for the odds to have doubled in a few days?

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

So West Ham, NUFC and SAFC looking for a manager.

Dick Advocaat rejects offer to stay at Sunderland - could Paul Clements be on his way from Real Madrid? - Telegraph

Steve McClaren would be the short straw...

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Actually, I could fancy a drop of Advocaat, but I doubt it would mix well with wonga.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Probably cashing in on people betting against Villa.

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Whatever it is I have a few quid on Villa and a side bet on Arsenal to win with both teams scoring to cover my stake.

Just as long as Villa can win in 90 minutes. :fingerscrossed:

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Hmmm.

And, in other news, according to the Graun it appears that Patrick Vieira is a strong contender for the next Victim of Ashley award..

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

I see that pikey Wilshere is showing his class again. :rofl:

Jack Wilshire swears during Arsenal's FA Cup victory parade - BBC News

Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
 

Wiki says he was born in somewhere called "Stevenage".

Has anyone else ever heard of it?

At first I thought it must be referring to present day Canada.