London Mike

My brother who is also gay had similar experiences at school. My heart goes out to you and your son. Terrible. Hope he has an easier time of it at school from now on.

Hawk13

Yes I am. So be a big person and try answering some of the earlier questions.

Zen10

Fact is, if the bullied teenager was a comfortable blue belt in Ju-Jitsu and chose to demonstrate this fact to the bully one afternoon it would stop overnight. Sorry, but sometimes one must meet force with greater force, but one must trust the authorities to act first, and only deal with it yourself if they fail. Bullies pick on people they are not scared of, and after spending a few minutes in a wrist lock with their face in the dirt they're going to re-evaluate the target of their aggression.

bats

Are you trying to bully me BTW, with the snidey comments?

wonderwoman1st

True, if you are a strong person and strong enough to stand up to the bully or bullies.

I went to a boarding school, very mixed children, problem backgrounds, forces children (I was one of those), wealthy children, and poorer children, it was interesting to say the least! Did I enjoy the experience.. in all honesty no, I couldn't wait to leave though initially I wanted to go thinking it would be a bit like St Trinians. Then it felt more like a jail sentence.

The bullying started almost immediately, one snob who liked her pretty friends I have to say I did notice that much. She was the first one who got what came to her (not fast enough though). I was age 10 then. The rat had even tried to get her big strong friend to beat me up after school, I heard her as she didn't keep it very quiet, I still remember running fast back to the house from school in the grounds, but that didn't get me away from the problem as it was a boarding school after all. Thankfully and luckily for me her friend wasn't like her, and though she didn't act as the bully wanted her to (which did make her a better person), I didn't hold my breath at the time.

In the older teen years, it was a group in the same boarding house, pushing me all week in the dormatory. In the end I had enough and the leader of the pack got it, and it was witnessed by the rest of the sheep that followed her. It's true to say and I have to say, that it's the bullies that are weak not the victim, I first noted that first hand, how they suddenly wanted to be my friend after that but they are not what I classed as a friend so I mostly kept myself to myself and 'survived' school, without being picked on again I can tell you. I got a name for being a good fighter instead?? It wasn't my idea of fun. I just wasn't putting up with it and I did stick up for the odd person but they were weak and ended up following 'the crowd' so I didn't bother wasting my time on them again.

When I got to University, I did my dissertation in bullying in the workplace, it is bullying where ever, be at school, or as an adult, and who ever made the sweeping generalization on here about someone having failed if not handling it well, is very wrong!

It is more the bully who is weak and they select and pick on their victim as they have a quality that the bully lacks, and that is why they bully.. to bring the other person down, usually successfully, the effects stay with the victim for years and that is why it should be eradicated as fully as possible, not to mention the long term ill health effects. It affects the body and the mind after all which in turn does have a negative effect on the persons health and well-being.

Yes victims should be protected, and yes bullies should be educated and more should be done about it, it should not be ignored, and it is a pretty unrealistic thing to expect any victim to just be expected to deal with it, not everyone is strong, and why should they have to be subjected to that for years on end knowing how hard it is for one person to stand up to a crowd, especially if they are stronger people and stronger physically.

My brother I witnessed being bullied when we were very young, and the gang that did it ongoing were a very nasty scary piece of work in South Wales at the time, they weren't scared of anyone or anything, my Mum being with us one day didn't stop them.

So don't be generalizing about something you likely don't actually know about fully or broadly to dictate and make sweeping statements about. Victims are NOT weak, the bully IS weak or bullies, they are all sheep and sheep follow so are weak yes, and yes I do know that much!, I studied it and passed a dissertation in it in Oxford, and anyone who knows me knows I am far from weak. I say get educated more, and if you've also had the misfortune of having been a victim of it, then get to know the difference. It's the victims that need to be protected more and the bullies penalized and punished more as early on as possible, though educated a lot lot more on why it is not right or cool to bully others, but quite the opposite.

Bullies bully for different reasons, sometimes they have been victims themselves but the smart ones know how that felt so don't copy the bad behaviours by bully others, and the not so smart ones do.
It could be you are better looking, more attractive in other ways, maybe you are good at sports, what ever it is it's a usually a quality the bully lacks and that is why they target the victim, it's nothing to do with being weak!

From what I gather, that girl this topic refers to is very pretty, and I bet that is why she was targeted especially if she was far prettier than the bullies that picked on her (or one of the reasons if not the only reason, maybe she was more intelligent too she must have been to have done that video but it's a shame she lost her life due to them, if you ask me they weren't worth that much), most of us all know how horrible children can be but not just children, adults can be too if not worse some of them).

Cyber bullying can be worse, on here they hide behind a screen and think they can get away with it more easily. It's good there are cyber bully laws in place nowadays where they can trace an IP address if it gets reported.

I was a so called 'good fighter' as they labelled me at school before I took up martial arts (jujitsu) as an adult, because I had no choice but chose not to be walked over and bullied at school, I didn't think of the consequences of my getting hurt at the time, I just had enough and knew I had to put a stop to it because no one else would have effectively done so at that time. Quite amusing seeing what cowards they are once you turn on them though (when that is possible obviously).

These days it is worse in many ways, now people use guns or knives. I believe that black boy who was stabbed and bled to death near the door to his parents flat in London, U.K, some years back was weak either. He was just targetted by some not so smart jealous youths from his school.

I don't know which is worse though, a boarding school where you have to live together 24/7, or a public or day school where you may still have to run home to avoid getting beaten up.

People handle things in different ways, some wouldn't have been able to do what I did, and I don't judge them for that and nor should any of you (those that seem to have done on here so far).

The nice thing I did notice at my school before I left.. those that bullied when we were younger, were soon not liked by my final year. It backfired on them basically, and I noticed it on observation, but it was a nice lesson they learned, from what I gather they are nicer people now, shockingly most in my year tracked most of us down on facebook and added us as friends, one even apologized to me after I flagged up the fact I had regretted not thumping her for ruining my O'level art exam picture by deliberately pouring tippex over it during our homework session one evening.

wonderwoman1st

I should also say, that yes sometimes someone is bullied if they are smelly or something or other, I've seen that too. One guy at college was disabled and smelled bad and I was aware of some women in the class making negative comments on him and people avoiding sitting with him too much. And yes a gay person or a lesbian for not being the same way as the bully is.

But it's more rare than the bullies that target through jealousy due to lack of lacking a quality that their victim has commonly at schools and in the workplace. Clearly some can't handle differences very well either, or are racist, and they likely learned it from a poor example such as their own parents or siblings who victimize them, or others, or even encourage it (siblings or their friends do that sort of thing sometimes).

The reasons are complex, but my point is the victim is not weak. They may be seen as such, and feel as such after being subjected to the bullies tactics ongoing though. It's a negative behaviour that has a negative effect, on the victim and also on those who witness it.

One of the other girls I refer to in my year, in the above post who I witnessed everything turning around and backfiring on her years later before we all left the school, I noticed how she would actively looking around the dorm at night before lights out to select her next victim. She didn't notice me observe her but I soon noticed her pattern where she'd look around then suddenly settle her stare on one person at a time, next thing you know she'd effectively having her group of friends stop talking to the person and isolating them from their friendship for weeks on end. A few girls actually left the school due to the ongoing bullying and nasty comments made on them overtly day in day out. I wanted to leave too and my Dad kept telling me to give it another term (I don't believe I mentioned it was such a bitchy school that I didn't want to be there. I would just tell my Dad that I didn't like it there after all and wanted to leave), in the end I gave up feeling I wasn't going to get taken out of there so just accepted and got on with it. After I left the subject came up at home and my Dad said he remembered, and was considering removing me from there at one point but then he got the next letter saying I liked it there now.
I was livid. I told him I gave up! and reminded him he had said I could leave if i didn't like it there. Then I told you I didn't like it term after term and kept getting the same response, which was to give it another term, so obviously I felt it was helpless and gave up.

Interestingly, I remember the girls in my year all asking each other if we'd put our own children in a boarding school. I shouldn't have been surprised when the common response was, "no way"

didikai

My boy was constantly bullied by a kid in our street. This kid also enjoyed being spiteful to the girls. I told my boy that most bullies are cowards and only pick on weaker kids. I told him to fight back, and even if he lost the kid would not bother him again.
So he went out, found the kid and gave him a punch in the mouth.
End of bullying. Kid even left the girls alone after that.
The kids family were a bunch morons. The mother once told me my kids were 'senile'

magnumpi

Good for him, and no repercussion !!!

Unfortunately some kids who fight back are normally the ones who face disciplinary charges and the bully is then seen as the victim.

MillieF

And what happens when the mother isn't like 4 Bells, hasn't listened to the child, and doesn't go and get it sorted? A child in our son's school wanted to 'be' a girl and regularly dressed as one, all very amusing when he was 4, but by the time he was 11 he was bullied constantly, the school did sod all and in an "enlightened" moment suggested that the mother enrol him for Rugby! It was all bloody hateful and I wanted to bang their stupid narrow minded heads together. The kid is still at the same school, and still being bullied...and his apathetic mother probably still cries in the playground, wrings her hands and declaims that she can't understand it as "my husband's in the Army"!

Parents gave life to the kids, be they bullies or the victims of bullies, and must take the responsibility and step up when things are going wrong.

Hit the bullies parents where it hurts...oblige them to attend family counselling and good parenting classes for long periods during their leisure hours with their children.

Hawk13

Do you feel bullied?

bats

You're definitely trying to intimidate but I'm done with you.

People who are bullied are not weak, they are just people.

ultrarunner

Amen Sista

PhilandAmanda

I also taught my kids (all girls) to fight back but I also taught then to deny, deny, deny and lie if you have to. They never had any trouble, they "dealt" with it. I actually saw my daughter drop kick a bully after checking that no teacher was looking. It is a sad comment that the teachers will most always take the easy way out and pick on the victim too. There is always a way to deal with a bully. Don't get mad . . . get even. It is a sad fact that authorities (like teachers) rarely do anything at all and often blame the victim (because it is easy to do that).

Hawk13

I have no problem with a little bout of fisticuffs (I have girls too and they can handle themselves) but I don't advocate lying - that's a slippery slope that leads nowhere good.

PhilandAmanda

I can't argue with you from a moral standpoint but the victim must take action to protect themselves. Often authority is part of the problem. If the victim makes any admission of violence then authority will jump at the chance to blame the victim. You have to realize that authority is under challenge. They know they have failed to maintain the peace and they will do anything to cover their own ass. The bully will lie like a cheap rug. You have to fight fire with fire. Do you want to be right or so you want to win?