2 kids, 2 experiences.

Kid 1 was bullied last year in Ontario (elementary school). Went on for several months. We talked about tactics of him dealing with it himself. Kid 1 implemented a lot of strategies but the bully kept going to the point where my child asked me to step in and talk to the school. (This was physical bullying not emotional). School was fab and dealt with it asap. The monitoring dropped off a bit but basically the bullying stopped (of my child).

Kid 2 has a friend who has been teasing another child. My kid is not doing the teasing. Had lots of chats with kid 2 about not teasing other children - hope it is sinking in. But the kid who is being teased keeps trying to hang out with my kids friend. He needs to go away and not try and hang out with them - he has other friends his own age. The teased child is not handling it in the right way IMHO.

So as a parent I have the responsibility to try and teach my kids to act appropriately - stand up to bullies and not bully others.

As a child I was bullied twice. The first time I was not believed by the school (the bullies stood up for each other and lied), the second time I physically stood up for myself instead and didn't involve the school.

I always make sure that I chat with them at the end of each school day and find out what is going on with them / their friends.

Difficult situations and highly emotive issues. I just hope that my children talk to me about issues and don't feel that they can't talk to me.



It is an emotive subject for all.

Bullying is a very serious problem and I'm shocked to hear you say this. A child who is subjected to systematic bullying is many times more likely to fail at school, or with their peers, or leave home, or commit suicide than a child who isn't. Research shows this again and again. Society fails when it allows this to happen; the honus should never be on the children being bullied in these situations.

Sounds like you like to jump to conclusions. So bullies don't prey on the weak?

If you followed that girl's story didn't they try moving schools and even moving cities and then it happened again? Why is that? Because bullies prey on the weak - that's what bullies do.

Why am I jumping to conclusions?

You have repeatedly said that bullied people are weak and they should learn to deal with it.

Why are you putting the onus on the victim to change? Why should they learn new behaviour? Stop the threats and the bullying. Bullied people are often gentle and polite with little concept of the aggressiveness and posturing of bullying. You want those traits to be removed?

Of course, systematic bullying is a dreadful problem and ought to be stamped on, but to do that, children need to be taught how to handle it, how to deal with it. The fact that it is systematic means that the child is not confident that if he tells an adult that it will be dealt with instantly. He should be taught that it should be reported and then be able to see for himself that it has been dealt with immediately.

My other point is that, in my opinion, a large amount of what is nowadays called "bullying" is no more than natural playground pecking orders being established - by seeking to stamp out confrontation in the playground we do children a disservice. Children need confrontation and challenge to develop skills to handle it. Children also need to learn - for themselves - how NOT to become bullied.

Those look like conclusions to me. I just said the person was weak, you added the rest.

If bullied people aren't weak, then what are they?

Why should they learn new behaviour - Duh, maybe so they learn how to deal with the situation other than off'ing themselves.

Big +1

My son is gay, tall and striking looking (i dont know if I would say handsome ) but anyway - Grade 8 - he was 13 and over 6' - very popular with most of the kids at new high school - except the blatant homophobes...

He became rather stroppy at home, which we put down to teen hormones , as he had always been a happy go lucky kid. . . towards Easter of this year he became quite adamant that he was going to school in a dress - not necessarily DRAG (we had been there, done that - he has his DRAG Ego . . ) -

When we started talking as to what was acceptable attire for school it came out that his science teacher was allegedly picking on his gayness - now this is all hearsay - the teacher was coming up to retirement and if it was me I would be naffed off with teens by then . . . It should also be noted that the BC teachers were striking, so it wasnt until I went into the school to have a little chat, did it become apparent that son's science mark had gone from an A to a C- - hmmmmmm

It also came to light that earlier on in the years a group of vietnamese Gr9 boys had bee bullying him in the change rooms - name calling - accidentally pushing into etc . . .

Apparently that had been dealt with my meeting s between the Head, the Principal, the kids (both sides) the grade counsellors and a rep from VSB LGBQT - we had been told nothing!

It all added up to when he was being hateful and stroppy etc. . .

OMG did I tear a strip off the school -after 4 days of runaround and voice mails I walked in and sorted the situation . .


BUT - what happens when this is a less outgoing , sure of himself, child?

I felt awful as a parent , we are normally on top of things, but put the mood swings down to teen hormones, when I found put I was gutted . . .

I know as a mother of a gay son I will have a lot of prejudice to deal with but it makes me so sad that he will have to deal with more

No form of bullying is acceptable, be it at school or work...period!

Let's not dance around it. Anyone that blames the victims, need a frontal lobotomy

Worthless platitude.

yeay!

Aren't you jumping to conclusions about my jumping to a conclusion?

They are just people who don't like being harassed, called names, hit, spat on, ignored, belittled. We all deal with stress in different ways and so say someone is weak because they are more sensitive to this behaviour is terrible.

Margaret Thatcher was a bully, so is Stephen Harper and so were both Hitler and Godwin.

All of them should have been aborted.

HTH

Hugs, matey.

Bullies pick on the weak my arse.

If we've learned anything from the Saville/BBC scandal in terms of what women are now saying it is that the powerless in such dynamics are usually overcome with fear to speak out. This can affect grown women as much as children, depending on circumstances. Children can be "taught to speak out/report" but this is entirely missing the point of the dynamics governing bullying. It is simply not the responsibility of children to confront their oppressors and prevent bullying. Educators and professionals need to be trained better to recognise early signs and give children an outlet for discussing this in complete confidence without prejudice. Then, these adults can do the necessary to confront those responsible.

I get the point that the bullying tag is a little too loosely applied in schools these days. So called bullies can then become the bullied and judged. I also agree that we need to teach children to learn to stand up for themselves, however I disagree that this must be via confrontation experience. It can be damaging. Believe me, I know exactly about this.