FWIW I have a friend who shares custody of the children, one week at atime with changover on Sunday afternoon. It works well for all of them. The kids don't mind and the parents get to have a social life.

Again...thanks everyone.

My wife and I won't divorce because we would never agree which one of us would have to take the little bastards.

That is the best if you can get it to work but sometimes an ex wants more money and that's why they push for the 60/40 split.

It truly sucks when it degrades to the almighty buck and the kids are used as pawns.

It does indeed. The couple I know are remarkably decent about it all. I think they got over their arguing a long while before they spilt. They give each other the first choice of being the sitter if they need to be out and pass on info about how they are doing at hockery etc.

Courts are alive to 60/40 issue and, sometimes, it can be very tough acting for the father as, correctly or incorrectly, whenever fathers request equal time with the mother with the children the first question the Court usually asks is: "Is he requesting this merely to reduce child support?" Of course, mothers are never asked such things

Most Judges will not permit "week on/week off" unless there is a demonstrable history of the parties cooperating post separation. It does require lots of give and take and one does not have a hope in hell of persuading a Judge to make such an Order if the parties are at logger heads.

Parties fighting over children post separation is something that, IME, most Canadian Judges shy away from on a daily basis. They simply don't want to address it and will recommend mediation/arbitration/negotiation rather than doing what they are paid to do and making a decision.

That's so true but why does the guy always start in a position of starting with nothing and the wife gets the kids. In this day and age, it has always boggled my mind that this is the starting point for judges and lawyers - the wife gets the kids and you get to see them on the weekend. So you fight for 50/50. I was told that unless your ex is a proven crackhead, you haven't got a hope in hell in getting them 60/40 or her having them on weekends.

I personally would have gladly taken my daughters full time and I was constantly accused of only being willing to do it, to get out of paying child support. No one ever says that the only reason the wife wants the kids is 'cus she wants the support payments so that she doesn't have to go get a real job.

Thankfully my kids were teenagers and they spoke up and set the ex straight as to the living arrangements.

It's so true. Call me an old romantic, but it's almost magical how having a little one can really galvanize a relationship.

Hi! Ultrarunner,

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I was and still am a working mother but when my son was very young I had to make appropriate adjustments to my working life and life style in order to spend time with him and to take care of our domestic arrangements. At the time I was married to his dad who shared in caring for him and the home, nevertheless it was not an easy feat.

Somebody gives more towards caring for the children, and by caring I don't mean just slapping some slop in front of them and plonking them in front of the telly or allowing them free reign with video games or other electronic gadgets. I see these scenarios quite a lot of the time amongst children I teach who are elementary age, and parents are professionals.

This maybe the turning point in your case especially the full time and part time work and its necessity. Think very carefully about your role in the home regarding the welfare and well bering of your little five year old.

I am sorry, I might sound long-winded and laboured but when children are involved in any situation, I cannot be quiet. I have been thinking about your situation.

Ruby

Hang in there buddy.

Not trying to be smart here, ultrarunner, but doesn't your work require that you might have to disappear for extended periods at short notice? Wouldn't that be taken into consideration by your wife's lawyers?

Hope things work out, sounds like a shit situation.

I have had to make a big decision with regards to that. I sat down with my boss and explained the whole thing, and how my son means a lot to me. I was reminded of the impact on progression, and it was a no-brainer that you can't replace time spent with your child.

I wish you all the best with resolving what must be a very difficult circumstance, as painless as possible.

I'd make an observation though.....Given the potentially acrimonious nature of divorce, would be it be wiser not to be discussing your situation, even in broad terms, on a public internet forum? If it were me, I'd be keeping this offline to ensure that posting in BE didn't become a feature in my divorce proceedings.

AX

I'd be wary of making career-impacting decisions at this fragile point. You're right that you can't replace the time with a child, but that's not the only thing they need. Kids aren't daft and they'll eventually see if you have made "too big" a sacrifice in your life just to be able to pick them up from school.

Don't let your relationship with your "ex" damage every part of your life.

So soon to be ex managed to get herself a lawyer at the last minute (30 days to respond to application). She is now agreeing to 50/50 joint custody which she never did in 5 months of mediation that I initiated.

Now she also wants me to pay child support (which she is already receiving from bio dad) for her 17 yr old daughter, claiming I acted as father, which I didn't due to her making all the decisions