I haven't been on here for a while, and the reason is because I have been going through a separation

I told my soon to be ex last July that it seems we are not working towards a common goal, and that am not happy. I suggested and initiated mediation in order to make the whole process less stressful. She agreed to mediation and we had a few sessions discussing the sale of the house, division of household items etc

I disclosed all my financials, but she was holding back and even cashed out some of her pension in the middle of mediation (hoping I won't find out). I made it clear from the start and we both agreed that since we have both been involved parents (both have full-time jobs), we will do a 50-50 shared custody of our now 5yr old son.

All of a sudden after she started talking to friends and one in particular whose husband left her and 3 kids, my wife decided she doesn't want to do 50-50 with me anymore (she wasn't willing to alternate the child tax benefit), and she flat out told me that is the reason why, and that I'll have to pay less child support.....so she is motivated by money and putting that before child's best interest

I moved out of the master bedroom since last Aug, sleeping in the smallest bedroom in the house (the office) on the floor, to alleviate any tension. So we are still in the same house separated, but I won't move out because that is what she is hoping, in order to build a status quo that will allow her to get sole custody (judges don't like disrupting a stable situation).

I give him a bath/shower every morning, feed him and drop him off at school (2 days a week) and daycare because the wife works early.

Anyway....I have presented a fair parenting plan that accommodates both parents, and will make the schedule run a lot smoother (all exchanges happen at school / daycare) i.e I don't get to run into her as I pick up our son, and I get to talk to the school and his friends vice versa.

Anyway....keeping my head up and enjoying the time with my son.

cheers

just wanted to say hope all goes well for you.
Itsounds like a crappy situation that wont be sorted over night. I hope you manage to achieve an outcome that works for everyone

Well that sounds an awful and stressful situation. It'll work itself out eventually so try and keep your chin up. And like any negotiation, the party with the best representation and the best paperwork usually wins out in the end.

Hope it works out for you,keep in touch.

Dude. Been there, although slightly different, and done it. You always appeared to me like a person of strong character. Stay strong and believe in yourself. You're going at it like any Dad would and rightly so. Document everything and stay on top of your emotions(more specifically hatred). You'll get there.

Positive respect and thoughts from Chez Bean

Chin up, easy to say but it does get better, I separated in Canada (English OH) and I ended up coming back to the UK. If you can remain friends it would be so much better for all involved, not the easiest though. I failed on that one

Virtual support at you

Separation is hard enough without friends stirring things up and I do feel for you, I hope things get easier. Have you got a separation agreement drawn up and signed so that you are no longer responsible for any debts she incurs? I would advise you do, if possible.

I totally agree that you should be documenting everything, times that you are taking care of your son, money spent on him or the house or whatever.

I hope that the two of you can come to an amicable arrangement, for your sons sake too.

All you can do is play fair without being taken for a ride... and what ever you do, don't show anger as it could be used against you.

Keep strong.

x

You've got some good advice there. Seperating is painful for all involved, stay strong and calm and jyst carry on being fantastic for your son. Best wishes

Yes, we as a family have regretably sufferered similar situations. The only word I can think of is 'Patience'. Just try to wait it out a while - which will seem interminable- it will sort itself out, and you and your child will not cease to love one another one little bit less. The love of a child for a parent continues, it survives the strongest of emotional blasts...love is slow, long and enduring. You won't falter and neither will your kid. You just need to wait out the storm.

Thank you all for the responses thus far.....

Crikey, UR, sorry to hear that news. Nothing to add as some good advice has been dished out already. I am surprised the mediator is discussing division of property etc. so early... I thought they were there to help patch things up?? Let's face it, at one time you both loved each other... and you're still the same people.
I'm heartened to see that you're making all your moves with the child's interests at the fore. Well done, chin up, it'll all come out in the wash, eventually.

I was wondering where you had disappeared to, was hoping for a happier reason. So sorry to hear about what you are going through, I have a client in the same situation and he has basically lived in a war zone for three years. I have met both of them and they are both good people, but a combination of hurt, resentment and 'advice' has led them to the mess they are in now. Sometimes its cheaper to walk away from the material stuff than to pay lawyers to fight over it, this absolutely does not apply to your son. I hope you can reach an amicable arrangement that allows you both to be parents. I wish you good luck.

Being with your kid, when you can be, and raising him, in the best way you can, is all that counts.

Try to accept that your son is not a pawn in a game controlled by overly-possessive parents trying to outdo each other. Try to accept that your ex is entitled to half of everything that you both have, plus child support and probably spousal.

If you can then allow yourself to understand that everything your ex says and does is both right, important and great, then things will begin to slowly and positively improve. However, just understand that, through your son, you and your ex will never be truly "separated" and all that courts and judges will do is enforce decisions when you and your ex can't agree.

Act now in a way that you would like to see your son act when he, himself, is a man who is going through a similar relationship breakdown: with maturity, integrity and calm and a heart of gold

So sorry to hear your news. Hope all works out for you. In the end, things will improve...just hang in there and believe in better times ahead. Good luck to you....

As everyone else has said, hoping for an amicable resolution and the best result for your son.