Originally Posted by ultrarunner

Update......

Wow.....it has been a while hasn't it? The past year has been a tough one for me based on a decision I made in July 2012, the decision was not received well, and things took a spiteful and emotional turn for the EX.

I realized that I wasn't exactly happy with the marriage (of 9yrs) because there was a fork in the road, and things weren't getting any better between me and the wife.

I felt like I was giving in more than I was getting out of it.....so I told her I wanted a divorce. We have a child of the marriage who is going on 6yrs, and she has a daughter now 17, who was 6yrs when I came along (this has put strain on her relationship too)

Anyway...this was not received well, and she was determined to make sure "I paid for this". I initiated mediation in town, and she decided to attend. We were there for 5 month and getting nowhere because she was being unreasonable especially when it came to custody of our son. She wanted me to have weekends only, and I said NO that am an involved dad and always have been, and won't settle for less than 50/50. She told me to take her to court, and I did just that by having her served.

She agreed to 50/50 in her response, to also having the house sold, and eventually divorce. All this stuff that I had asked for. Then she came with her own claims: wants me to pay child support for her 17yr old, who she is already getting paid for by her EX, she also wanted spousal support even though she has always worked and earns decent money

She moved out of the house 2 months ago, the house is on the market, and I have started paying child support based on the difference in our incomes i.e offset table amount for 1 child. My stance and that of my lawyer is that if she still insists on pursuing her spousal support and child support for her daughter who will be 18 early next year, she can do the leg walk and serve me the papers....I am not voluntarily going to pay her for those because she has no valid claims.

We now operate a 2-2-5-5 parenting schedule for our son that sees me having him on Monday and Tuesday, his mom on wed and Thurs...weekends starting on a Friday afternoon after school, gets alternated between us.

In the summer (8 weeks school closure), we do 2 weeks on, and 2 weeks off, to which I took our son to London to meet family and his cousins.

Because of the EX' inability to cooperate and sort this out like most rational couples....I have spent to date over 15k in saving on lawyer and legal fees. There have been times I have found myself having dark thoughts, but my running and reading has managed to keep me going.

Anyway...hope you are all well, and doing OK?

UR

Originally Posted by mandymoochops

Wow look who's not co operating / being difficult now. Kettle black
much

Originally Posted by mandymoochops

UR was saying all the things he asked for, the ex was being difficult but finally caved. She wants spousal support and now all of a sudden "well shes gotta do the legwork / she earns money / she's not entitled blah blah blah"

Someone likes things their own way here - but thats just my take on things.

It's never easy but they both obviously think they are entitled to exactly what they want. Remember we only have his side of the story, and he was the one who decided he wanted a divorce, she's bound to be bitter but still ...............

Originally Posted by ultrarunner

Did you actually read and follow my posts, or are you just nitpicking?

Yes I initiated the divorce based on not being happy, and asked for what will be automatically reasonable by default

1. shared custody 50/50 of our child

2. sale of the home

3. divorce

So based on these 3 points, do you see a problem with these? If not, then you are out to lunch on this matter

She agreed to all this only after she was served court papers...why so?

Now..she has always worked throught the marriage and earns a decent salary, but wants the following:

1. 2nd child support for her daughter (whom she is already being paid for)

2. spousal support (alimony)

So my point....if she really has facts / evidence to provide the court (these 2 items have to be tested in court, rather than hearsay), then she has to do her own court application.

My application got me the items I asked for.....

I wouldn't want you painting my house, if you can't understand my vision with paint colours

Originally Posted by ultrarunner

she has always worked throught the marriage and earns a decent salary

Originally Posted by ultrarunner

Did you actually read and follow my posts, or are you just nitpicking?

Yes I initiated the divorce based on not being happy, and asked for what will be automatically reasonable by default

1. shared custody 50/50 of our child

2. sale of the home

3. divorce

So based on these 3 points, do you see a problem with these? If not, then you are out to lunch on this matter

She agreed to all this only after she was served court papers...why so?

Now..she has always worked throught the marriage and earns a decent salary, but wants the following:

1. 2nd child support for her daughter (whom she is already being paid for)

2. spousal support (alimony)

So my point....if she really has facts / evidence to provide the court (these 2 items have to be tested in court, rather than hearsay), then she has to do her own court application.

My application got me the items I asked for.....

I wouldn't want you painting my house, if you can't understand my vision with paint colours

Originally Posted by ExKiwilass

here to be supportive

divorce sucks.

Originally Posted by Souvy

So does marriage sometimes. It cost me bundles (and still does) when my first wife divorced me. Money well spent.

Originally Posted by mandymoochops

I'm a house painter not a designer. I'm just the monkey that puts it onto the walls I don't have to like what colours i'm doing.

All I'm saying is that is that you believed what you wanted was right, as does she. Whether it is or not, is between the both of you.

I wouldn't want a divorce or to sell the house if my hubby turned up out of the blue and asked for it - it's not til you realise that it really is the end until court papers turn up. Granted she's probably trying to turn the knife but if you look at things from her point of view (and hers yours though tough when there's anger) it's bound to be a case of "why should I be doing all the concessions when I wasn't the one who wanted it in the first place".

And if those things you asked for are reasonable by default, then why isn't her asking for spousal, and you agreeing like she agreed to your requests even though she didn't want to.

Swings and roundabouts.

Originally Posted by Souvy

So does marriage sometimes. It cost me bundles (and still does) when my first wife divorced me. Money well spent.

Originally Posted by ultrarunner

Because according to family law, you have to prove entitlement to spousal support! Do you even know anything about family law?

The difference between your husband and I, is that I am around still and lived through the separation whilst asking for a divorce.

You can't force someone to be with you, so you not wanting the divorce or not wanting to sell the house, is not a call you get to make......a court can decide that easily

Again...you can't force someone to be with you, that doesn't want to. <snipped>