mark 'n' joe

Thats great news Tracey. All the best.

Joex

joho

At the risk of saying 'told you so' this is more or less what JAJ told you to do. see above

Australia_bound?

He must have school holidays? Easter coming very soon so book for during hols and tell ex you have plans for that day, i.e. going to football, park, play, cinema and that would be good for him! Sorry not read through all your threads but is he aware you're going? and how does he feel about it? I'm sure if he was so desperate to get away he'd sneak out of the house for a few hours for medicals and sole custody doesn't have to be expensive and drawn out, he's 13 and is allowed a major say in who brings him up! Don't try it won't know what the outcome will be get to CAB and see where they direct you, offer very useful free service!

sparkiedoo

LOOK LIKE YOUR HAVING BETTER L U C K N O W . TRACEY


SPARKIEDOO

Tracemul7

Hi **************,
Yes he has school holidays, but my husband works as an IT contractor, which means all days off are unpaid. This will be bad enough losing 2days pay over easter, and we cannot afford more time out of work. I would be happy to take B for a medical, but i am not allowed near the house, because the ex goes mad! Sneaking out the house for a few hours for a medical is not feasable. Firstly, it is an hour drive to medical place in halifax. then time for medical and xray, then an hour home. also, if he sneaked out, she would ground him, stop contact and make his life misery!
Also, medicals seem to be about 4/5week wait when hubby got his done.

we have spoken to solicitor today, and even if he wants to move to oz, if his mother doesnt agree, we could be looking at october/november before a decision is reached, including a full day hearing in court! at £190 per hour (ex vat) this will be an expensive decision.

he knows our plans, and as things stand, wont be included in our application, as his mum will not allow it. if things change, then we'll deal with it then.

your suggestions are good, and with a rational being i would agree, but this ex is irrational, and could make B's life hell. not fair on him if we cause that.

Tracey

Tracemul7

"That might work (or it might not)" is not 100% encouraging (from my point of view).
Everyone going throught a visa application has the worry of 'what if it gets refused' and while I appreciate JAJ's honesty that this route might not be accepted, I would prefer to have difinitive guidelines, rather than 'give this a go'.

Does that make sense?

As there seem to be a fair few of us in the same boat, maybe some clearer guidelines should be set. Some people may not apply, knowing they cannot meet set rules, but if they knew there are alternatives then maybe these people could still apply?

only my thoughts, Tracey

JAJ

With the greatest of respect, if this child is living with a parent whom you describe as irrational and (reading between the lines) potentially abusive, removing that child from the custody of such parent should be your top priority.

There are limits to what his mother can do to him, assuming she doesn't want to be charged with child abuse. Your solicitor can explain this to you.

If the child's mother is such an awful person, I'm having some difficulty understanding how you can in good conscience leave the child behind at such a vulnerable age and move to the other side of the world.

Or have I missed something here?

Australia_bound?

JAJ I don't think that you'll get a positive response to this post! As a neutral I understand your view, but at the end of the day, isn't your choice and you don't have to live with the consequences. I honestly don't think OP will appreciate your opinion, although it's very valid

hcmcman

JAJ its not that your opinion on immigration isnt a big help , but you are WELL out of your depth on this one. i know what the others are talking about and only some one that has gone through this can understand the difficulties involved. would suggest you comment only on immigration not on child custody or how to handle children and ex wives.


Tony

(tried to keep calm when writing this)

Mort

Hello comrades

Lets try to put things into simple english :

1) Ex partners generally look after the kids's basic needs, they're not brought up how we would like or how we would bring them up but getting custody from a mother is nigh impossible/lenghty and expensive to the point of bankruptcy.

2) Most of us are stuck in a a $hit situation and treated as enemies by those ex's.

3) Ex's, having no other way of getting to us, use the kids as a lever to make us feel crap, generally by refusing access when things don't go their way and the ex's dont realise/care they are hurting the kids by doing what they do.

4) It seems that the majority of ex's in this thread are in receipt of legal aid and therefore can choose to face the prospect of court with no regard to the cost, other than a gleeful rubbing of their hands because it's going to cost you money, again punishing you.

5) Regardless of the disagreements we've had with certain views I think we all know a lot more of how to try and get around this problem than we did when i originally posted

6) JAJ, you've answered with your views, and I have , as well as others, taken offence at those views, but I can say I'm personally grateful that you've said the things you've said because it's brought more comments and experience to the thread.

7) Saying that, your approach is that of a ten ton truck. Probably need to be a little less judgemental over peoples desire to emigrate without their kids, cos it's a horrible decision to make, most of us are praying that in the years to come they can make their own choice, but if the mother wont allow medicals then they're stuck as much as us.

8) Personally i refuse to be beaten and to be prevented from following my dream.

9) To Tracey and Joe, Much like myself, we'll get through it, probably with a bit of cost and a few fraught times but the end result will be us in the southern hemisphere.

By the way I did try to to speak to my ex t'other night, I didn't realise a door could close so quickly, so It's time to summarise all of the things that have happened up to now and go for the stat dec and see what happens.

Keep posting folks, someone out there will have the answer in even simpler English!!

Mort

Tracemul7

JAJ,

your advice on immigration has been useful, but i think you have overstepped the mark here.

B (until recently) has never dared to say anything against his mum. and unless he says something, we are fighting a losing battle.
after an attempted suicide, social services did nothing, and even tho B was terrified of leaving his mother(he wouldnt even go to school), there was nothing we could do!
after abusing her older son, social services did nothing again.

my husband left his mariage with £40,000 in debt and not a penny in the bank. after solely paying the mortgage, the sale of the home was split equallly. almost 4 years on, we are still paying off that debt, while the ex had £20,000 left! justice? i think not?

if his mother wanted to, she can cause a lengthy, expensive court procedure, which would take any savings we had started for our move to Oz.

moving to oz is not just chosing to leave B behind. we cannot afford to live where we do, and i have family in Oz, whom i miss dearly.

this is a difficult situation in itself, without comments like that. my husband and i cannot sleep, for worry about B and our future.

Tracey

joho

I think you should all read the whole thing again and look at this from an outsiders veiw. I see nothing wrong with anyones comments or views, we are after all entitled to them. But JAJ has given a lot of valid advice and has been a moderator on this forum for many a few years and has seen every problem going and their resolves and has given solid advice. Nothing is set in stone where DIMAI is concerned and I myself have been on the end of a visa refusal of a small petty thing (nothing to do with an x though) and came as a total shock. Some of the comments on the last 2 pages though do from an outsider point of view give cause for concern. I am not judging anyone here, but I really feel for the poor child who is going to be left behind and I realise this must be truly difficult with having family on the other side too. Maybe it wasnt appropriate for JAJ to say or comment but I have to agree with him, how could someone leave a child to cope with that alone. I really think that you should be looking out for him? before any of this.

Also what makes you think that its cheaper in Oz. I have found it to be comparable to UK in everyway (cheaper some areas, more expensive others).

Jo

ducking for cover with bullet proof vest.

hcmcman

ok ok so we all know who is offering good advice and who isnt, i think now (for all our sake ) we should get back to the thread. we all (ME ESPECAILY) know wot they are like (ex) but the one over riding thing is we are trying for a better life and they cant touch us when we get there. Friends keep a smile on your face as we all know it pisses the ex off at the least, and it will only be a matter of time.
i know i have been there, and am there, and will get there (sorry ask if you want)

can we put this bad feeling to bed ???

ok smile

Tony

joho

What bad feeling

Jo

My brother had x from hell, but everything is cool now so hopefully will get better for you all.

Australia_bound?

Is a good idea!
This one depends on which side of the fence you sit on, do whats best for your kids or do whats best for yourself. This type of forum (where people are doing what they think is best for them) they become very irrate on such issues! Funny how all the ex's are getting the blame? Don't blame my ex for our divorce, was more my issues that caused it and I'm happy I made the break and life goes on etc etc etc!