JAJ

If what you are saying is that your former wife has already acted in defiance of a court order, and that you've had to go to court in the past because of this, why not send this evidence to DIAC. Presumably you still have all the court papers. Plus a detailed statutory declaration outlining exactly how the situation with your ex-wife arose, and the steps you have taken to try and get a medical for the child.

That might work (or it might not). Competent professional assistance is recommended for all cases like this. However a good agent needs to do more than simply repeat what case officer says.

hcmcman

right on the money mort, this isnt as simple as black and white

Pollyana

Being a Moderator has nothing to do with the advice Jeremy has been giving you. He is advising you - for free - as to the best, and most correct, way of dealing with DIAC, with years of experience in the field behind him.

Being a Moderator is a completely different job, not requiring any knowledge of immigration law or policy, and is merely a role involving trying to keep order on the forum.

mark 'n' joe

update:

Mark asked her again yesterday and she says she still hasnt decided. Shes just making things difficult and will probably turn round at last minute to say no. Some docs may be open on a Saturday but as we dont pick him up till 3pm theres no way we could travel anywhere before they close. Theres no way she will go out of her way to do a stat dec, so we are going to get on to the CO and see what our options are.

If you have never been in this situation with an ex then you probably dont understand how bad things can be. Mark kept a diary from the day they split up and he could write a book on the things she has done on him.

Is it possible to phone the CO or does it have to be an email?

Jx

Tracemul7

Hi All,

Mort, well said!

JAJ, i understand the rules, but they seem to rely on evidence, which is really hard to obtain. We have sent letters and information to the ex, but she just replies with abusive phone calls, and (as previously mentioned) wont sign anything!!!

Mark n Joe, We are in the same boat, she wont sign anything, and despite all the evidence we have given her, she knows it will affect us, so is doing it on purpose. Also, i think its ok to ring the c/o. we are gonna call ours on monday, although we have emailed him in the past.

I posted on this subject a while ago, with no reply, so i'm so glad that there are other people to talk to!

Keep in touch folks, and i hope we all get the best result from all of this!

Tracey x

JAJ

Are you really saying there is no court order or legal agreement taking away your custody and access rights?

And on a previous post I thought you said you wanted to bring the child with you after all. If child is unhappy with other parent then you really ought to be thinking hard about moving to the other side of the world. How old is child? Beyond a certain age there's not a great deal that can be done to physically force a child to live with one parent as opposed to another.

Tracemul7

JAJ, the only way we could bring B to australia with us, is with permission from his mother. She will not allow him to have a medical at the moment (not included in application), and will NEVER sign anything allowing us to take him out of the country.
B is 13, but even if he wanted to come, his mum would do her hardest to stop him.

There is nothing stopping our access rights, but the ex can stop it whenever she wants. She has done it in the past, and sometimes we havent seen B for 6 months because she will not allow it.

Mort

Hi Tracemul7

That's exactly the situation I tried to explain last night, access rights in place but they can be ignored when ever ex wants to be clever.

Once ex realises you need them to co operate in order to progress, they have you by the short and curlies, and that's the situation we're all finding ourselves in.

I'm attempting to speak to my ex tonight when I drop my daughter off at home, but expecting the usual snarl and slammed door.

Good luck to everyone, will let you know how things go.

Mort

JAJ

Firstly - if child is 13, then what on earth is stopping you taking him to a medical anyway? Is his mother locking him up or something?

Secondly - if he is unhappy with his mother and doesn't want to live with her, have you not thought about going to court for full custody? Courts will normally listen to the views of teenage children.

Thirdly - if he wants to stay with his mother for the time being, but needs your support, then maybe you should be re-thinking your immediate migration plans. Even if you get a visa now and validate, it may not be such a good idea to leave him on the far side of the world at such a vulnerable age.

hcmcman

sorry to but in but i really have to say something here
JAJ, do you have children? have you ever been in this situation? doesn't sound like you have. Your advice on the immigration process may be very helpfully but is sounds from your last posting that you dont have a clue as to how the mind of an "ex" works concerning children. Sorry but i am so mad after reading your last posting.

mark 'n' joe

In our case its not about the mother locking child up. If Mark took him out of school to go for meds without her agreement she would go ballistic and its not fair to make J go behind his mothers back. Hes stuck in the middle, hes said he doesnt mind going for meds. At the end of the day J still has to live with her and she would make it very difficult for him and for Mark to see him.
If we get our visa we arent planning on going for about another 3 years anyway. J will be nearly left school but we want to be in Oz before our son starts school.

Good luck all.

Jx

Tracemul7

He is 13, attends school during the week while he lives with his mother. we see him friday night to sunday night. Medical places i have contacted are not open saturdays. In the past, we wanted to see him during the week to let him know that there had been a death in the family. Because we tried this, his mother stopped contact for almost 6 months. Do you think we are likely to try this again, and risk losing contact with him before we move?

We have thought about going to court, but understand it is very difficult to get sole custody, especially against the mother. And also very expensive!

We are emigrating for various reasons, including the fact that my husbands contract for work finishes in May. We live in rented accomodation, and on my salary alone we will not be able to afford to stay here, thus unable to provide any support to B. By going to Australia, we hope to be able to save money (we will live with my family until we are settled), and support B through university in the future. Also, all of my close family are in Australia, and I miss them like crazy! While we have B to think of, I also have my sister (and best friend), mother and nephew who i miss dearly.

I know there are steps that look simple from the outside, but when you are involved in a situation like this, it is so difficult to reason with someone who is just out to cause as much upset as possible. There are people on here who know this situation, and while we appreciate advice from DIMIA's point of view, i personally feel we are being criticised for our handling of this situation. The ex-partners we have mentioned are irrational, awkward, and will do anything to hurt us, while we all still try to do the best by our kids. I think only those going through this can really understand what we mean.

Tracey

mark 'n' joe

Hang in there Tracey. We know how you feel. Marks ex is exactly the same. If he did the meds behind her back she would also stop him from seeing J. She has done it before. Its all very well people saying about going to court but its not that easy and very expensive. She would get legal aid, and as with the divorce she made everything difficult and M ended up with a £7k bill because of all her messing about.
We are going to try to speak to CO in the next few days to see what the options are.

Keep your chin up.
Joex

Tracemul7

Hiya Joe,

Its just such a nightmare!

Hubby spoke to c/o this morning and he said that we need to do a stat dec stating that we have tried to get a medical done by B's mother, and she wont allow it, nor will she sign a stat dec stating this. Get our stat dec witness by solicitor (ie legal document).
He says they would accept that! So hopefully that is ok.
I hope things work out the same for you!

Tracey

joho

No one is trying to say that it isnt hard or easy to go through this. I thank my lucky stars that I didnt have to. But JAJ and others have seen it all before many times and have seen much worse cases and also much easier ones, they are trying to tell you the options which can minimise stress and cost to you and still get the outcome you want. Listen to what he says and dont panic, send in the information laid out by JAJ and see what they say, you may be surprised and look back on it and think why did I worry so much. Its the kids I feel for they sound like they are pawns in the middle of a bitter split.

Jo