homesickness
#31
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 95
Re: homesickness
Hi
I am going back for my second visit and we only landed in April this year. The first time I went back was to make sure my son was Ok and security ... see you in 12 weeks etc.
I was glad to return to Canada in July. I am returning on Sunday for a pre Christmas visit and feel extremely confused about where I want to be. My father is elderly and unwell and I feel tremendous guilt for missing out on the time I could be spending with him. My son is 25 and is always saying he can't wait to see me ....
I know I'm not here for the long haul and no I did not look at the reality of been far from home and not being able to visit ... I just got caught up with the whole process.
My partner is very happy here, I said I would give it a year and a job might help ... I may feel different after my trip. We have invested so much of our lives in to this but it has made me realise what is actually important to me and it's not material possesions.
So I am struggling today but tomorrow I may feel different!
Take care
Claire
I am going back for my second visit and we only landed in April this year. The first time I went back was to make sure my son was Ok and security ... see you in 12 weeks etc.
I was glad to return to Canada in July. I am returning on Sunday for a pre Christmas visit and feel extremely confused about where I want to be. My father is elderly and unwell and I feel tremendous guilt for missing out on the time I could be spending with him. My son is 25 and is always saying he can't wait to see me ....
I know I'm not here for the long haul and no I did not look at the reality of been far from home and not being able to visit ... I just got caught up with the whole process.
My partner is very happy here, I said I would give it a year and a job might help ... I may feel different after my trip. We have invested so much of our lives in to this but it has made me realise what is actually important to me and it's not material possesions.
So I am struggling today but tomorrow I may feel different!
Take care
Claire
The reality of emigrating is so far removed from just merely talking about the idea. It is sort of like a mini-bereavement, hope I make sense.
#32
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,227
Re: homesickness
#33
Re: homesickness
Are there more important things in their lives where they would accept a lower income and the loss of some of them? Who the hell are YOU to judge that,. You are getting tiresome. Sometimes I wish that if you have nothing to say, that you would restrict yourself to saying nothing.
Last edited by iaink; Nov 12th 2009 at 2:53 pm.
#34
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,227
Re: homesickness
Whats your point Alan? Yes they have posessions, dont we all?
Are there more important things in their lives where they would accept a lower income and the loss of some of them? Who the hell are YOU to judge that,. You are getting tiresome. Sometimes I wish that if you have nothing to say, that you would restrict yourself to saying nothing.
Are there more important things in their lives where they would accept a lower income and the loss of some of them? Who the hell are YOU to judge that,. You are getting tiresome. Sometimes I wish that if you have nothing to say, that you would restrict yourself to saying nothing.
Edit: I should add I don't judge people that can't afford things, I judge people that deny that things are important when they quite clearly have things.
Edit Again: If you're telling me this in your capacity as moderator, then fair enough I'll shut up.
Last edited by Alan2005; Nov 12th 2009 at 3:31 pm.
#35
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,284
Re: homesickness
Usually when someone posts on here saying they are unhappy and they live nearby I suggest we meet up. Usually this doesn't happen. However If you do want to meet then we could meet in that scabby city Peterborough, or maybe Lakefield?
#36
Re: homesickness
My point is that lots of people on this board are guilty of this hypocrisy. Possessions mean nothing, but we have loads of them. Yeah, right... Me, I like having things, a decent TV, stereo, PS3, fancy camera - these things bring me pleasure and I'm not ashamed to say so.
Edit: I should add I don't judge people that can't afford things, I judge people that deny that things are important when they quite clearly have things.
Edit Again: If you're telling me this in your capacity as moderator, then fair enough I'll shut up.
Edit: I should add I don't judge people that can't afford things, I judge people that deny that things are important when they quite clearly have things.
Edit Again: If you're telling me this in your capacity as moderator, then fair enough I'll shut up.
Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an option, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing as) personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?
Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.
Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, especially if you care about them.
Last edited by iaink; Nov 12th 2009 at 3:43 pm.
#37
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 95
Re: homesickness
No, its not in my capacity as a mod. You are entitled to your opinion, even when its wrong. Its in my capacity as a long term user of this forum who sees the usual suspects chipping in in threads where a bit of support and understanding for the original poster wouldnt go amiss instead of trying to impress everyone with how big and clever and outragous you can be. In my (non moderator) opinion it just looks cheap and nasty, but as a mod its not breaking any rules, so if you want to look like a cock I cant stop you.
Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an option, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing as) personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?
Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.
Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, especially if you care about them.
Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an option, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing as) personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?
Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.
Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, especially if you care about them.
#38
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,227
Re: homesickness
No, its not in my capacity as a mod. You are entitled to your opinion, even when its wrong. Its in my capacity as a long term user of this forum who sees the usual suspects chipping in in threads where a bit of support and understanding for the original poster wouldnt go amiss instead of trying to impress everyone with how big and clever and outragous you can be. In my (non moderator) opinion it just looks cheap and nasty, but as a mod its not breaking any rules, so if you want to look like a cock I cant stop you.
Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an options, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing) as personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?
Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.
Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, expecially if you care about them.
Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an options, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing) as personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?
Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.
Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, expecially if you care about them.
I wasn't commenting on the OP's situation; though I agree with Oink in that regard. The OP sounds miserable and needs to do something about that; wallowing in it won't help her one bit. A long trip back is the way to go I would suggest (at least a month probably)
What I am trying to say is that people who go out of their way to say "possessions aren't important" are implicitly judging those that are willing to admit to themselves that they are. And "possessions aren't as important as my family" is axiomatic for most people and doesn't need saying anyway.
#39
Re: homesickness
What I am trying to say is that people who go out of their way to say "possessions aren't important" are implicitly judging those that are willing to admit to themselves that they are. And "possessions aren't as important as my family" is axiomatic for most people and doesn't need saying anyway.
Its not like there have not been many people over the years that have posted to the effect that "Canada is great, because I can sell my house in Surrey for a small fortune and live like a king here thanks to the capital that releases",
Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.
#40
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Joined: Jun 2008
Location: oakville ON
Posts: 350
Re: homesickness
That's not helpful though true to some level.
It might not necessarily grow into angry and bitter anyway, it may well moderate as the OP becomes happier in CA.
I have been out of the UK since 2003. I have 2 kids and am female and can totally relate. My Mum died last year in the UK.
In a nutshell, my take is that you have to look out for the whole family and what is best for them. Our decision is that here is better at the moment. That may change and nothing has to be forever. You can always go back anyway.
I don't have any suggestions - I now work as my kids are old enough and that helps - the kids also do all sorts of activities and we have met loads of people through that. Other than that, keep smiling.
HTH
It might not necessarily grow into angry and bitter anyway, it may well moderate as the OP becomes happier in CA.
I have been out of the UK since 2003. I have 2 kids and am female and can totally relate. My Mum died last year in the UK.
In a nutshell, my take is that you have to look out for the whole family and what is best for them. Our decision is that here is better at the moment. That may change and nothing has to be forever. You can always go back anyway.
I don't have any suggestions - I now work as my kids are old enough and that helps - the kids also do all sorts of activities and we have met loads of people through that. Other than that, keep smiling.
HTH
We, who are now living in Ontario, have been for a year - miss all the same things you mention about the UK.
I will not stay if i am really unhappy - as that doesn't make for a happy family. I also do not want to turn out bitter and changed as a result of that.
Its a hard desion. Perhaps you should go back for a holiday, it might help make your feelings more pronounced (one way or the other).
We are going back for a holiday to see if we really do yearn for the UK or have our rose coloured specs on backwards!
Live for the moment - you only get one shot at life and you have to be content.
All the best
#41
Re: homesickness
Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.
#44
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,227
Re: homesickness
How are they judging anyone? They are simply commenting on their own circumstances.
Its not like there have not been many people over the years that have posted to the effect that "Canada is great, because I can sell my house in Surrey for a small fortune and live like a king here thanks to the capital that releases",
Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.
Its not like there have not been many people over the years that have posted to the effect that "Canada is great, because I can sell my house in Surrey for a small fortune and live like a king here thanks to the capital that releases",
Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.
#45
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,284
Re: homesickness
I like personal possesions. I like to be miserable in comfort as it makes it so much more enjoyable.
Back on the OPs post. You can never go back to anything in life, you moved on and so did whatever you left behind. I have a recurring dream where I am stuck in narrow windy tunnels You can't go back because the tunnel has closed behind you. You can't see what's ahead and the gap may be to narrow to squeeze through but there's no choice but to try. When I have this dream I wake up terrified, I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it focused the mind on what needs to be done.
Back on the OPs post. You can never go back to anything in life, you moved on and so did whatever you left behind. I have a recurring dream where I am stuck in narrow windy tunnels You can't go back because the tunnel has closed behind you. You can't see what's ahead and the gap may be to narrow to squeeze through but there's no choice but to try. When I have this dream I wake up terrified, I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it focused the mind on what needs to be done.