jan the piglet

possessions mean absolutely nothing, I realised that when I was a little girl - long story - and I also feel guilty that I am my mother's only daughter and I should be there for her especially when she's elderly. She was in fact one of the many people who encouraged us to move to Canada as she could see it had a better future for us all, but she misses us and I think has got depressed and packed on the pounds because of it.
The reality of emigrating is so far removed from just merely talking about the idea. It is sort of like a mini-bereavement, hope I make sense.

Alan2005

Gosh, another pair of BE trappist monks. No car, computer, tv, ipod, camera, comfy chair, nice shoes, handbag etc for you. You know what's important right?

iaink

Whats your point Alan? Yes they have posessions, dont we all?


Are there more important things in their lives where they would accept a lower income and the loss of some of them? Who the hell are YOU to judge that,. You are getting tiresome. Sometimes I wish that if you have nothing to say, that you would restrict yourself to saying nothing.

Alan2005

My point is that lots of people on this board are guilty of this hypocrisy. Possessions mean nothing, but we have loads of them. Yeah, right... Me, I like having things, a decent TV, stereo, PS3, fancy camera - these things bring me pleasure and I'm not ashamed to say so.

Edit: I should add I don't judge people that can't afford things, I judge people that deny that things are important when they quite clearly have things.

Edit Again: If you're telling me this in your capacity as moderator, then fair enough I'll shut up.

fledermaus

Usually when someone posts on here saying they are unhappy and they live nearby I suggest we meet up. Usually this doesn't happen. However If you do want to meet then we could meet in that scabby city Peterborough, or maybe Lakefield?

iaink

No, its not in my capacity as a mod. You are entitled to your opinion, even when its wrong. Its in my capacity as a long term user of this forum who sees the usual suspects chipping in in threads where a bit of support and understanding for the original poster wouldnt go amiss instead of trying to impress everyone with how big and clever and outragous you can be. In my (non moderator) opinion it just looks cheap and nasty, but as a mod its not breaking any rules, so if you want to look like a cock I cant stop you.

Hypocrisy, what hypocrisy? They are not saying they dont want nice things if that's an option, they are just saying that nice things are not as important as, (or the same thing as) personal happiness. Why is that so hard to understand?

Selling all their nice stuff and living a life of buddist extremism wont get them back with their sick mum or whatever if the rest of the family is perfectly happy here in Canada.

Do you have a wife and kids? Life is not as simple when you do, especially if you care about them.

jan the piglet

well said Iain

Alan2005

Ok (and thanks for clearing up the mod bit)

I wasn't commenting on the OP's situation; though I agree with Oink in that regard. The OP sounds miserable and needs to do something about that; wallowing in it won't help her one bit. A long trip back is the way to go I would suggest (at least a month probably)

What I am trying to say is that people who go out of their way to say "possessions aren't important" are implicitly judging those that are willing to admit to themselves that they are. And "possessions aren't as important as my family" is axiomatic for most people and doesn't need saying anyway.

iaink

How are they judging anyone? They are simply commenting on their own circumstances.


Its not like there have not been many people over the years that have posted to the effect that "Canada is great, because I can sell my house in Surrey for a small fortune and live like a king here thanks to the capital that releases",

Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.

pinkkristen

All i can relate it to, is my mum (who is canadian) left canada 30 odd years ago with my british dad (he couldn't settle here, for many of the same reasons as yourself). We were all brought up in the Uk. My mum said she only ever lived for the kids and missed Canada loads. 30 years on, unfortunately now we have all grown up, she is very bitter and feels resentful of my dad who took her away from her homeland.

We, who are now living in Ontario, have been for a year - miss all the same things you mention about the UK.

I will not stay if i am really unhappy - as that doesn't make for a happy family. I also do not want to turn out bitter and changed as a result of that.

Its a hard desion. Perhaps you should go back for a holiday, it might help make your feelings more pronounced (one way or the other).

We are going back for a holiday to see if we really do yearn for the UK or have our rose coloured specs on backwards!

Live for the moment - you only get one shot at life and you have to be content.

All the best

dbd33

A divorce and a convertible is a major achievement in Ontario. Not that possessions matter to me.

Novocastrian

As ever, you beat me in both categories.

Jingsamichty

Wiser men than me have said that divorces and possessions are mutually exclusive concepts.

Alan2005

Not going to deny it. Everybody does it. Kind of goes with the territory of posting on a forum.

fledermaus

I like personal possesions. I like to be miserable in comfort as it makes it so much more enjoyable.


Back on the OPs post. You can never go back to anything in life, you moved on and so did whatever you left behind. I have a recurring dream where I am stuck in narrow windy tunnels You can't go back because the tunnel has closed behind you. You can't see what's ahead and the gap may be to narrow to squeeze through but there's no choice but to try. When I have this dream I wake up terrified, I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it focused the mind on what needs to be done.