misplacedheidi

People post for all sorts of support, emotional or practical and shouldn't be belittled for posting IMHO. There have been times when I have been down and have welcomed emotional support. Life ain't easy always. You could have worded your reality check a little better too.

Once you have left the UK, you have the ability to compare it with where you are currently living and this gives the dilemma. You can only get opinions from people who have left the UK and this forum is a good source of advice.

Personally I am very happy in CA but I could be equally happy in the UK. Yes I can't admire that fine Yorkshire scenery but I can look at the beautiful lakes. The kids are very happy here though and IMHO have more opportunities but that is why we chose to be here and not the UK. It's all subjective and relative to the time.

HTH

Mistress Miggins

I was incredibly homesick and pissed off and went back for 5 months, there was lots of other stuff going on too. I would be back like a rat up a drain pipe if the choice were there, I have a house there, a car, a network, but it's not just about me and what I want. It's about the bigger picture. It's about trying to get a happy medium for everyone. What I did was pretty extreme by going back, but in the end it was only me that was really happy. Everyone else was disjointed and when I seen that, I realised it was wrong to continue.

Keep talking about it with your OH, keep an open mind and be sure you aren't just going through a rough patch. Geography doesn't change people or you, yourself. But reach out to your family and make sure you don't make yourself ill in the process of trying to feel more settled.

Take care
Mrs M x

fledermaus

Why haven't you been able to get back?? Maybe a trip back would show you that what you are missing doesn't really exist.

It's taken me a while to settle here and I have been back. Both times I was glad to leave the UK, but didnt feel quite at home here either. Now I have no great desire to go back. It's a mid atlantic limbo.

I don't know which part of Ontario you are in but I like the scenery around here; rolling hills, lakes, beaches, deciduous forests. A few miles away and there's the rugged pink granite of the Canadian Shield. We lived in the city when we first moved here, and once we moved to the countryside I was much happier.

There's no guarantee that if you go back you would be happy.

Sadly, in life, you just have to suck it up.

bsmith

.....If I were ever to form a band, which I won't because A. I'm too old, and B. I have no musical ability what so ever, I'd definitely call it "Trolling for Sympathy".

Oink

So a sugar coated version of what I said. The woman has to face up to the fact she's miserable and she's making sacrifices that will probably end up destroying her or her family. There's a lot of joy in that.

Alan2005

Not me. I dish it out.

Here's some for the OP. Ratchet up the self-pity by forming a band called trolling for sympathy and writing tunes about the pointlessness of everything. Or alternately you could just do something about the stuff that's making you unhappy. Take your pick.

Cdnshaz

I know exactly how you feel, every day I yearn to be in Canada. I get terrible homesick in UK, but I stay b/c of my husband. I do sometimes blame him for the way I feel, I have no family here, very few friends and feel so isolated. So I joined a gym that gets me outta the house, and have tried to call a friend and maybe go to lunch...always excuse why they can't go, so I gave up. I am counting the days til I move home.
I do go home every year, usually at least twice. which really helps. I will be glad to get home, I will miss some things from UK, but not much!! It's my family I miss, I have a new grand daughter I haven't seen, lost both my father and my brother while living here. I made a commitment to my husband and I will stick by that but the day in March when we fly outta here for good will make my heart soar....and I won't be in a hurry to get back here.
I have been away for 10 yrs. and have alot of time to make up for with my family. Everyone is different, I find those with close family ties have it the hardest, some I know could care less if they ever went home....me personally can't wait..

dorsetgal

I sympathise but you have to take responsibility for your actions- moving to canada is a HUGE desicion to take - you have a family and if they are all happy with canada then you have to lie in the bed you made for yourself. its not rocket science - the grass isn't always greener....

Muskoka

I think you need your mum. Could she come out to visit you for a couple of months or so?????????? There are pros and cons to both Canada and the U.K.

If you do go back for a visit, try to go for a prolonged period (maybe a month) as if you just visit the U.K. for a week/two, you will be so euphoric at being back you maybe won't see the whole picture.

Also, do you have some english friends in Canada (recent ex-pats). Maybe you just need some morale support.

You've been in Canada for four years now without a visit back to the U.K. - Could be that you are forgetting the downside of the U.K.

Souvy

Why is it necessarily a huge decision? Quite a few people on BE moved almost on a whim and have been here for years.

Elaine B.

I was one of those people it seemed like a good idea after a few too many beers I stayed for over 8 years moving back took a lot more planning.

To the OP I hope your homesickness lessens as time passes.

Jingsamichty

Exactly. Far too many people make it into a huge decision, they build it up and build it up, and before you know it, it's life-changing move that almost becomes 'too big to fail'.

Visas aside, it's just the cost of a plane ticket. You have to live somewhere, so you only have to decide where you're happiest. But - places don't make you happy. You have to honestly ask yourself what makes you happy - if it's family or if it's opportunity or if it's material possessions... whatever.



(For me, happiness is a close-knit family 5,000 miles away.)

iaink

I think a trip back to the UK would be a good idea, you get to see your mum, get to assess what the UK is like, maybe talk things over with your old friends and get some firm idea of how you want to go on from there. You may feel worse afterwards, you may feel better, but at least you will know how you feel for sure.

Plus if your mums husband is in a bad way maybe the company and distraction will be good for her too.

If you had only just got here I wouldnt say go for a visit, but after a few years sometimes its just what people need.

jan the piglet

I live near Lindsay, Ontario, so not too far from you.
Thank you for posting. So many people have said that the UK is just awful, so perhaps I'm looking at things through rose tinted glasses.

claire600

Hi

I am going back for my second visit and we only landed in April this year. The first time I went back was to make sure my son was Ok and security ... see you in 12 weeks etc.

I was glad to return to Canada in July. I am returning on Sunday for a pre Christmas visit and feel extremely confused about where I want to be. My father is elderly and unwell and I feel tremendous guilt for missing out on the time I could be spending with him. My son is 25 and is always saying he can't wait to see me ....

I know I'm not here for the long haul and no I did not look at the reality of been far from home and not being able to visit ... I just got caught up with the whole process.

My partner is very happy here, I said I would give it a year and a job might help ... I may feel different after my trip. We have invested so much of our lives in to this but it has made me realise what is actually important to me and it's not material possesions.

So I am struggling today but tomorrow I may feel different!

Take care

Claire