dbd33

The law is an ass. No point in modeling one's conduct according to something that varies by jurisdiction.

I tend to agree that not supporting one's children until the end of their education is wrong. But so, I think, is one parent emigrating with the children. I suggest that it's not likely to be in their best interest and I think it understandable if the parent deprived of worthwhile contact declines to financially support the new arrangement.

dbd33

Is Holland no longer flat?

iaink

I woke up very drunk one morning on a University hockey tour to Holland, and was very confused to find that the view I had was of a ski slope....

snowboarderlaura

Morally wrong, but I'm leaving this decision to him. I don't want to rock the boat and my partner more than provides for them, and will continue to do so.

I am hoping that the ex may one day contribute to their higher education should they choose this path. My education cost me £28k, so I know that any kind of contribution to this would be helpful. However I doubt that he will, as he has never done so in the past. The ex has the account numbers of their savings funds, but he hasn't contributed anything to that yet either. And he has a new family to pay for so I'm sure that will be the next excuse.

Contribution to 2 childrens school uniforms this year....total of £40! shocking!

snowboarderlaura

haha it is VERY flat, however there is a nice 500m indoor slope with an amazing permanent park happy days!

snowboarderlaura

and for the record they were not "consequences", they were both rewards. and planned for by both of us, unfortunately he turned into an arse and he left. Saying that it was all to much! lol

snowboarderlaura

haha i can imagine!!!

fledermaus

I didnt see anything snidey about my comments. I thought they were pretty upfront and obvious.

iaink

Why get upset about it, its a public internet forum. The nature of these forums is that anyone can send off any configuration of electrons that takes their fancy without worrying about the consequences.

You cant control what others write, only how you decide to respond, and consequently how others perceive you.

snowboarderlaura

thanks for the wake up call

I'm a scorpio, I do bite when people are offensive unfortunately. It makes for a highly amusing amount of banter in the right circumstances

i love the way you put this:

"any confuguration of electrons that takes there fancy without worrying about the consequences." genius haha

I'm not going to respond to the negative on here, i'm way too happy for that. I'm off to pack now....quite looking forward to seeing how this thread develops over the weekend now

stepnek

I reckon if there's one thing I know in life it's that there are always two sides to every story. I could write about my divorce and paint a sorry picture but you'd likely never hear about my ex-wife's point of view unless she signs up to this board.

The one thing that puzzled me about the OP's original thread was that I thought she'd said that her children were quite young yet seemed certain of wanting to move to Canada. How could they be certain at that age? Mine were teens when we moved over and their opinion changed daily.

When me and my ex separated I stayed in the house with our children and paid for everything. My ex just didn't have the means to contribute at that time and whether she should or shouldn't have wasn't really the point. She simply couldn't afford to. Later on, prior to moving to Canada we came to a very amicable agreement where I retained a bigger share of the profit from our marital home when we sold it.

With regard to getting her permission for me to move over here with our children she agreed to it. But it was a tough ask and I tend to look back and regret having put her through it. She was for it one minute and against it the next so be warned OP that your ex may have a rethink before too long. Eventually given time she was supportive and although she has never paid support in the regular sense she has more than contributed in air fares etc.

I don't agree IainK that five minutes pleasure is the guideline for who pays what. My wife (I'm married again) was telling me just the other day that a woman she works with has just secretly come off the pill because she really wants a baby but her hubby doesn't at this point. In my opinion that sucks and just goes to show that nothing is simple in this life.

If things for me had been the other way round with my wife leaving with our kids to another country I don't know how I would have handled it. Emotionally or financially. But it's a big, big ask to take the kids away from another parent and I regret having done it. One of my daughters has since moved back to England and I miss her a lot but I kind of think that I had it coming.

snowboarderlaura

quickly before i go....

yes i can see that is puzzling...I am very honest with my children about everything hence the reason we told them very early on in our plans...as we did with the ex too. They have never once said that they don't want to go.

Quite simply they are very talented skiers. The thought of living near the mountains is what really excites them about moving. They have already said that they will miss their Dad, but like our family in Spain (whom they have a wonderful relationship with) they know that it is only a plane journey away.

They also talk a lot about the fact they dont do anything with the ex, so a boring sunday watching tv all day is not going to be missed.

Hearing one side of the story is one of lifes every day occurences isn't it. I don't claim to be a prefect parent, but I'm trying hard to be and I see Canada as a very positive step forward in their lives laura

iaink

Ho Ho, "Only a plane journey away"

How many times have I heard that one. The reality is that people will not visit often once their initial curiosity is satisfied, and air travel is an increasingly expensive luxury on the average canadian income. Family of four to fly to the UK is about a months take home (post tax) pay for most people.

My only regret living here is that my kids (2 and 5) dont have regular contact with aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents etc. Its tough sometimes too without that inbuilt local support group for last minute child minding etc. Dont underestimate it.

Summer-Caitlin

I wasn't going to join in on this thread as I don't have kids. However, I moved to Australia (several times might I add) as a child. The only time I remember having an opinion on this was when I was 8. All I knew was that I definitely did not want to leave the only home I knew and the family and friends I had, I couldn't imagine the possibility of liking any other place!

Several months into our time in Australia, I loved it! But that does not mean I found the adjustment easy, nor did it mean I missed my family and friends any less.

I am agreeing with stepnek on this that I am very surprised that your children who are 3 and 4 would have such a definite opinion on somewhere they don't even know, heck I'm 28 and I change my opinion on possible places to settle almost weekly! I would very much doubt that a court (if it went that far) would take their opinion into account, as it has no merit. I mean it's nice to hear that your children agree with you, but on what basis?

I am not saying that your children won't settle in, they likely will and I agree that it is much easier to do it when they are younger than older. They will start school, make new friends and before long, hopefully love it there.

I just wanted to chime in with my opinion on this.

Best of luck on your chosen path

snowboarderlaura

do your children speak to family over the internet? My 2 (almost 5 and 6) have been making video calls to my family in spain since they emigrated 4 years ago. It does make a big difference, and everyone in my family has a webcam so its a lovely thing we all share to keep in contact...and very economical too!

last minute childminding haha i WISH!! I don't have any family who are in the country able to help out anyway so it is always paid for if we do have a babysitter.

The only member of the family they see on the ex's side is him so no wider family on that side. This would have greatly affected my decision if they were in contact with them and were an active part of the childrens lives.

Also fortunately everything we do socially (teetotal! lol) is snow related and so the children always come with us.

i hope babysitting rates are reasonable in canada, I will miss the babysitter here she is a godsend.

I really need to get off the pc and pack, this site is addictive :P